I Just Want to Be There
by charactersthatholdmyheart
Summary: Starts out exploring what happened after Jane's kidnapping in episode 3x7. Jane needs Maura to help get back on her feet again. Will this change their friendship forever? Rizzles bound.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **This is my first fanfic. Yes, it had to be Rizzles. ;) I've actually been working on it for sometime now. There will be quite a lot to this story. At first it started as something small I just wanted to play around with. The idea came out of the episode 3X7 when Jane gets kidnapped. I wanted to explore how it affected both her and Maura in more detail. But I've gotten really into it-maybe have had a little too much fun fooling around with these characters :) I really hope you guys enjoy the story as much as I have writing it. Hearing what you think, and any feedback you can give me, would be lovely.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the rights to Rizzoli and Isles and the characters or anything of course (I really wish I did though because they're brilliant).

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_** I Just Want to Be There **_

** Chapter 1**

Jane's thoughts spun around in confusion. They matched the chaos of the ER surrounding her, people yelling and crying, phones ringing. Her brother sat next to her trying to make her smile or at least respond to him, but she just couldn't bring herself to do much. Frost stood protectively beside her. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the concerned glances he snuck. Jane tried to concentrate on things in the room, even Frosts' worried eyes—although god knows she hated pity—anything to stop from seeing in her mind the images of the room she had been tied up in just an hour before. Anything to stop herself from seeing the man's crazy, hungry eyes staring down at her helpless form. She wanted desperately to wash off the feeling of his breath on her face, the burning of her skin where she had been tied up. The more she thought about it all, the more her head spun, and the faster her breath came.

_Ok, calm down, Jane_. _You're safe now in a hospital, for Christ's sake. This is ridiculous. _

But her breathing wouldn't slow down, and she thought of his hands, and, god, her heart just kept going faster, when suddenly everything stopped. The person she wanted to see most in the whole wide world ran down the hallway towards her. Everything faded away, and she heard only the clack of Maura's shoes, saw only her best friend's concerned face. Then suddenly that face was so close, Maura was right in front of Jane, grabbing her shoulders, her light eyes widened in fear.

"Jane!" she heard faintly. "Jane!" louder this time.

Suddenly the world came rushing back, all the sights and sounds.

"Jane you're having hyperapnea. You need to raise the level of carbon dioxide in your blood and you do this by decreasing…"

Jane looked up at Maura in even more confusion. She couldn't even understand Maura anymore. Well, if she thought about it, she normally couldn't understand her half the time, so maybe this wasn't too bad.

Maura seemed to grasp Jane's state, for she tightened her grip on Jane's trembling shoulders and said, "Jane, you need to _breathe_. Breathe steadily, in and out." Maura demonstrated, slowly breathing in and then blowing out with her eyes closed.

Oh, breathe. That she could do. Well, maybe. Jane tried to mimic Maura, but she didn't close her eyes. Instead, she focused on Maura's familiar face, those eyes she swear she could stare into for hours, and she wasn't gasping anymore. Suddenly Jane was breathing more slowly, rather normally. The world had started to come back into focus. And her heartbeat had slowed. It was more steady, and increasingly so, as she grabbed Maura's hand and held on. Held on for dear life. Because this was the first time she had felt even remotely close to normal since the incident, and she desperately wanted that, needed that. Maura gave her that. She needed Maura.

Jane wanted to put this into words, but nothing came out of her lips. She moved them, but just empty air escaped, so instead she squeezed her friend's hand even harder. Maura squeezed back in response, her other hand rubbing Jane's shoulder.

"It's okay Jane, just breathe. It's okay, now."

Jane noticed the crack in her friend's voice, the way her breath hitched, the sadness and concern in her eyes, the redness that surrounded them. She noticed the way Maura's finger stroked over Jane's bandaged wrist for a second before returning to the safety of Jane's hand. She noticed everything about Maura, and often did, so this wasn't anything different, but all Jane knew is that more than ever right now she needed to take in the sight of Maura, and all she was. She needed to be with her. She definitely didn't want to be alone tonight. Even with Frankie and Frost beside her she had felt alone. But now, she didn't. And she wanted to keep that feeling, the only good feeling she'd had since this happened.

Suddenly Jane heard a strange voice say, "Maura, please. Can I come home with you?"

Jane could feel all eyes staring at her, and she realized that of course, that must have been her speaking. Okay, well that made sense. And she hadn't said anything weird so, what were they staring at? And then Jane realized that this was the first time she had talked since they had taken her out of that awful room. At first, she had been just so surprised and overjoyed to see her team. But then somewhere in between she had clamed up, turned into this mess. She hated being stared at, but she tried to remind herself that all that really mattered right now was Maura, so she focused on her.

Maura's face had softened, her eyes looked watery. Jane noticed Maura's body move closer to her, as if she was going to embrace her, but Jane unwillingly moved slightly backwards, and Maura quickly took a step back. It would be unnoticeable to a bystander, but Jane felt it and saw it all in painstaking slow-motion, and now she inwardly kicked herself for moving away from Maura when really all she wanted was to be closer to her. What was _wrong_ with her? Her body flinched at the slightest touch since the guy had laid his hands on her. In fact, when she thought back on it, she hadn't even let Frankie hold her hand when they were driving to the hospital. She looked down at her hand tightly holding onto Maura's now.

"Of course, Jane," Maura said softly.

Jane let out a sigh, and felt a small smile flick across her lips. Well, that was a start, she guessed.

Maura returned it with a bigger smile and turned to find a doctor to make sure Jane was ready to leave. But as she did so, as Maura's hand let go of Jane's and she turned her attention elsewhere, Jane noticed the smile slip, and a frown replace it, saw her eyebrows furrow. Maura fiddled with her hands nervously, something Jane rarely saw her do. Jane bowed her head and squeezed her eyes shut. Maura clearly was worried and upset, and Jane hated to think that she was the cause of it. She needed to pull herself together more—for Maura. There were other times to be weak and let her emotions get the best of her, like when she was in the dark, alone….well hopefully, not alone. Jane didn't think she could handle that for quite awhile actually. In fact, her heart and breathing quickened at the thought of being alone again, being vulnerable to his warm breath and rough hands. Her heartbeat got increasingly loud in her ears. Maura stood talking to a doctor, but turned her head, probably at the sound of Jane's obnoxious, heavy, quick breathing. Her eyebrows creased further and she had begun to turn in order to hurry to Jane's side, one foot towards Jane.

Jane cursed herself, and quickly willed her heart and breathing to slow down by looking into Maura's eyes again. Already she was failing at what she promised herself she would do. She saw Maura relax a little at her slower breathing. She gave a slight, reassuring smile to Jane than went back to talking to the doctor. _Okay, that was more like it. _

Walking out of the doors of the hospital with Maura's arm around her, Jane already felt a little better. She looked forward to a long bath in Maura's tub, to scrub everything of the night off her, to start fresh.

* * *

Jane stayed in the bath probably a bit too long, long enough so that Maura came knocking at the door, quietly asking if she was alright, her voice laced with concern. It's just that Jane couldn't seem to scrub off all the grime no matter how hard she tried. Her skin looked pink and irritated when she finally lifted herself out of the suds, but she still felt that it was filthy.

Getting into comfortable clothes made her feel a bit better though, and snuggling under a blanket with Maura on the couch made her feel a lot better. It was the safest she'd felt in what seemed like a long time. Alcohol washed easily down her throat, as Jane rested her head on a cushion and stretched her legs on top of Maura's. She relished in Maura's body heat and relaxed a bit. But she couldn't help feeling Maura's concerned stare, even when she was looking away—at the floor, at the wall, anything to avoid that gaze. Jane was truly trying her best to push away her fear, and act normal, specifically so Maura wouldn't look and feel like this, but apparently she was failing. Apparently, Maura could see right through her. She looked up at Maura's worried eyes for a moment, and felt herself sink into them. She let Maura grab her hand, and it was all Jane could do not to squeeze back with all her might, but when Maura started to stroke the inside of her palm, trace the lines of her scar, Jane suddenly pulled away. Another bad memory flashed through her mind, and that was something she definitely didn't need tonight. Maura jumped a bit at her fast reaction, and immediately Jane felt badly. She wanted so desperately to have this be another girls' night in where they joked and giggled over drinks.

So she started in on teasing Maura, trying to establish the familiar actions of their friendship. They had ended up laughing some, after a hard amount of work and acting on Jane's part. She just hoped Maura hadn't been acting as well. She hoped she had fooled Maura into thinking she was much better than she really was. Maybe Jane had been successful since she seemed to have fooled herself somewhat—a few times she found herself genuinely lost in her laughter with Maura, but this never lasted long.

* * *

As Jane lay there in the dark, she tried to feel Maura next to her, remind herself over and over again that she was not alone, that Maura was in the same bed as her for god sakes. But she still subconsciously found herself inching closer and closer to Maura. The closer she got, the better she felt. She turned over on her side to see Maura.

She watched Maura's small shoulders rise and fall with her breathing. When Jane let out a breath she watched as strands of Maura's hair moved. She was really close. But she wanted to be even closer to her, as close as possible-touching even. Her body ached for it, craved it, but she didn't dare reach out and touch Maura. What if she woke her up? She couldn't do that to her after all she put her through today. No, she'd just lie here in the dark until the sun came up and deal with it. She would focus on appreciating that Maura was such a good friend as to let Jane sleep beside her in her own bed. She would stop thinking of wanting more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Okay, so this chapter is somewhat longer than the first. But it was hard for me to break it up. It's a little more fluid this way. Hope it doesn't scare anyone off lol. Btw I decided to switch back and forth between Jane and Maura's point of views. It gives you a broader perspective I think.

**Warning: **some exploration of the effects of a traumatic event throughout the beginning of this story-mainly putting this here as a precaution.

**Disclaimer: **Pretty sure you all guessed this, but I don't own the rights to _Rizzoli & Isles_

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**Chapter 2 **

Maura kept thinking about the day, seeing Jane helpless, feeling the rush of emotions that had washed over: fear, terror, relief, sadness, and now uselessness. Like she just couldn't do enough to help Jane, she couldn't give her all that she needed. And she desperately wanted to, she wanted Jane to be okay again so badly. She knew she was not, no matter what kind of a front Jane put up. Maura knew Jane inside and out, and she couldn't believe Jane thought she was fooling her with her forced laughs and teasing. Maura knew the old Jane was in there somewhere, that a few times tonight she had been present—Maura could hear her in a couple of truly heartfelt laughs where Jane forgot the events of the day for a moment. But Maura also knew that Jane was struggling way more than what would appear to the untrained eye.

She really wished Jane would just let herself feel what she needed to, let Maura be there for her for once. She always felt it was the other way around. Maura could be the strong one in the relationship. Jane had every right, even the necessity, to not try to hold it all together for everyone else's sake right now. Maura wished Jane would just let her in fully. She had exchanged slight touches, hand-holding with Jane throughout the night, but after almost losing her today, after seeing all the pain Jane was in, Maura just wanted to hug her, to hold her.

Maura sighed. Her thoughts were just not very straight right now, not logical like usual. She was thinking more with her heart. Her heart had won out often in the long hours where Jane had been gone. Her mind whirred through the memories of the day now, as if she was there reliving it again.

Maura knew something was wrong, long before she talked to Korsak and Frost and they told her that Jane had left the station to meet them over an hour ago. She had felt off while talking to Jane's family in the bar where Jane should have been. She knew that she had no logical explanation for this, no scientific reason, so she had tried not to worry. But now she wished she had listened to that nagging feeling. This is where her heart, her instincts, or her "gut" as Jane liked to say, should have fought and won. But afterwards, when they were trying to find Jane, Jane was already in trouble, and her emotions needed to be pressed down. Maura needed to keep a cool head. She needed to find her best friend, really the most important person in her life**.** But she couldn't think about that in the moment because it made her head spin and her breath come fast, and she needed to stay calm. Instead, Maura racked her brain for ways to find the perp: phone numbers, fingerprints. She got lost in what she was comfortable with: science and reason. She tried to find solace in facts**. **

Seeing Jane on that monitor upset her immensely, though, washed away all of the comfort she had found in logic. Her heart stopped when she saw Jane tied up. She recognized the room as Jane's bedroom, all she could think of was running towards it, getting to Jane, saving her. Korsak stopped her though, telling her to stay back at the station. Maura turned to go anyway, but then from the side of her eye she saw Jane move on the monitor and she realized that she couldn't leave Jane alone like that. She didn't want to let her out of her sight. What if the man did something to her before they got there? No, no, think logically—what if there was a clue she'd miss, what if Jane had a message to convey? She was more helpful here.

She wanted so badly to look away when the man stuck his face in Jane's, or stroked her cheek. Maura couldn't stand Jane being touched like that, being hurt. Of course, this made sense. But she couldn't exactly explain why when the man attempted to kiss Jane such anger rushed through her. She felt hot, pissed…and something else she couldn't quite place_. _She couldn't let herself get out of control though, so instead she tried to think clinically about the man's mental disease.

Finally putting together the clues of where Jane could be, recognizing the radiator and the window frame to be of the 1890s era, so they could narrow down the houses in the area, made Maura feel slightly normal, like herself. She gained her footing a bit. Jane would be saved soon. But in those moments before they found her, she lost it all again. Maura pictured a world without Jane, as the man told Jane that she would never look at, or talk to anyone, ever again. Jane wouldn't see Maura again. Maura wouldn't see Jane again. She imagined Jane gone, and she felt like her heart was burning a whole in her chest. Totally illogical, but how she had felt. Maura felt her lips quiver, as she blinked back the tears that threatened to spill. And then she saw the team break in and suddenly the man had no more power, and Jane was safe.

Jane was safe.

As she lay there recollecting all this now, a tear escaped, and she wiped it quickly away. It was time to be strong for Jane. And strong she had been all night. But now in the dark, in the quiet, with Jane next to her, she had let her mask start to slide, because this was the place and the time that she usually thought emotionally about things. Lying in bed trying to fall asleep, she couldn't wrap and distract herself with science, so anxieties and emotions from the day swallowed her whole. Maura could feel now that the logical head she had fought to keep all day was fading away and the emotions were setting in. It was like something she couldn't control, like water had been building inside of her, and now it was breaking down walls, becoming a waterfall.

All Maura wanted to do was hold Jane, feel that she was _really _here with her in her bed. That she hadn't lost her after all. _Well, of course, Jane's still here,_ she scolded herself. Still, Maura felt panic settling in and she felt the only way to suppress it was to hold Jane, or at least turn over and see Jane lying there with her own eyes. So, she rolled over in the bed, and gasped slightly when she almost ran into her. She was so close to Jane's face, those dark brown eyes she could get lost in so easily. Maura thought they were the most animated eyes she had ever seen. The easiest way to read Jane was through her eyes, for they always gave away her feelings. Oh, she knew that the eyes were a normal way for a person's emotions to be read, but Jane's eyes were more expressive than the average person's.

Jane startled a little at Maura's sudden position change, and probably at the proximity of how they now lay.

"Oh, hi. Sorry," Maura whispered. She went to turn back over, thinking Jane was probably uncomfortable, but Jane grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"Maura, no, I—" suddenly Jane paused, and her expression changed to concern.

"Maura, are you alright?"

Maura was confused. Why was Jane asking if she was alright, when clearly Jane was the one who….wait a second, she felt something sliding down her cheek. Maura went to put her hand up to her face to wipe away what she knew had to be a tear, though she had no idea she had been crying still. But Jane's hand got there faster. Maura felt Jane's calloused palm cup her cheek, and then her thumb lightly stroke away the tear. She unconsciously leaned into Jane's hand. Jane eyebrows were still furrowed in concern, but her eyes were soft.

"Maura, tell me."

"I—I don't know. I didn't even know I was—I guess it's just this day," she finally got out. Could she sound any more awkward? Luckily, Jane understood her—well, usually, unless Maura got too carried away with her scientific reasoning and what Jane called "big" words. She felt less pressure in her chest though, now that Jane was in her line of vision, and she knew she'd feel better now. Jane was here.

* * *

Jane studied Maura's face with concern. God, she must be a way worse actor than she thought. Jane had tried so hard to make herself seem normal, but instead she had made her best friend cry. _Great, just great._

Jane couldn't handle it when Maura cried. She couldn't stand when people cried in general—it made her nervous. But when Maura cried it instantly washed away all of her tough defenses. She was reduced to a complete pile of mush. Her heart had already been aching tonight, a dull pain in the background of her racing thoughts. But now the pain was intensified by one hundred. Especially knowing she was the cause of Maura's pain. It didn't matter if Jane had intentionally caused it or not.

"Maura, it's okay. I'm okay. You guys saved me. Everything's fine," Jane cooed. She now moved her hand up to stroke Maura's hair back.

Maura seemed to calm down and relax immediately, closing her eyes, and Jane sighed in relief. But suddenly, Maura's eyes snapped open and her face contorted.

"What, Maur?" Jane asked in confusion at the sudden change.

"It's just—I can't believe I'm letting you comfort _me_ right now. I wasn't the one in the hospital today," Maura said guiltily.

Jane was glad she hadn't mentioned what they both knew was the worst of the day. She didn't want to be reminded of where she had been tied up. So, now she was just making herself think about it. Fabulous. To distract herself, she turned her attention back to Maura—her best distraction. Maura needed her to pull it together right now.

"Maura, you've been there for me all day, comforting me the whole time. It's okay to feel how you feel. I know this was a hard day on you, too," Jane whispered.

There was silence, as Maura stared off for awhile. Jane drew circles with her thumb across Maura's forehead by her hairline, occasionally playing with strands of loose hair that fell across her face. Maura didn't seem to notice too much. But her words must have caused something to break in Maura, because suddenly more tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Jane froze, incredulous. She didn't know what to do. Now her heart hurt a million times more than it had before. She brought both her hands to Maura's face to hurriedly wipe away the tears again, thinking foolishly that maybe that could erase them, fix all the pain she was causing her best friend.

"Maura," she whispered, hearing her voice crack.

"It's just, I was thinking about today, when I thought I was going to lose you. I—I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't be the one crying," Maura angrily wiped at the tears streaming down her face, and pushing Jane's gentle hands out of the way, as if to punish herself. Jane settled on putting her hand on Maura's shoulder. She just needed to keep touching her in some way.

"It's nothing you did, Jane. Please don't give me that look," Maura cried.

"What? What look?"

"Like it's your fault I'm crying, and you're personally responsible for fixing it. I already feel so guilty."

Jane didn't know what to say. "Okay, Maur, just—it's just I hate seeing you cry. Tell me what to do," she pleaded.

"Nothing, you're already doing it. Just be here," Maura sighed. Then she rushed to get the rest of the words out, her eyebrows furrowed, seemingly frustrated with herself. "All of these overwhelming emotions are coming out because I almost lost you today, and suddenly I can't stop thinking about it. Well, I haven't really stopped thinking about it the whole day, but now my emotions are overtaking my logic, and I—"

"Whoa, okay. Okay, Maura. I'm here, sweetie. I'm here," Jane interrupted because she couldn't stand to see Maura like this, so emotional and out of control. She just needed everything to be normal, and this was a Maura she wasn't used to.

"Settle down, I'm here. There's nowhere else I'd rather be," she said, giving Maura a small smile, and rubbing her shoulder.

Maura's eyes moved across Jane's face as if studying it, and then she reached down to find Jane's free hand and intertwined it with hers. It made them feel connected, made Jane feel more grounded and she eagerly squeezed back.

"Jane…"

"Mmm?"

Jane watched Maura seemingly have an internal struggle with herself. She kept biting her lip and fidgeting.

"Maura," Jane said gently, lifting her friend's chin with one finger so she could see those pretty eyes of hers. Maura was making her nervous. She wanted Maura to say what she was thinking, just blurt it out. Maura was always great at that.

Maura stared at Jane for a second, then looked away. She kept her eyes down to where their hands were entwined together. Maura took a deep, ragged breath and began talking, slowly at first, then increasingly steadily.

"Today…when you were gone, I kept trying to think logically, trying to help find you. But a lot of the time I couldn't concentrate on facts and logistics, and science. I just kept thinking about _you_. And the way you twirl your hair. And those sarcastic remarks you make, that I hardly ever understand, so you probably crack them way more than I think."

Maura sighed when she said this last comment and Jane tried not to laugh. She was nervous, hearing these words spill out of Maura's mouth, but in between these remarks the normal Maura was definitely there in her obliviousness to sarcasm.

"And the way you can be so terrifying while interrogating a subject-you have this rage that can come out from within you, this fire, but you often use it to fuel a purpose, like getting justice for a murder victim, and saving others. You have this… anger, this intensity, Jane, but you also have this compassionate side of you, so much sensitivity that I've hardly observed in anyone else. _You _are not like anyone else. "

Maura looked up for a moment as she said the last sentence. Jane's heart fluttered.

"And you weren't by my side like you usually were-you were in danger, and all of a sudden I was thinking about what it would be like if I never was able to see you again, if you were never right beside me again…."

Jane squeezed Maura's hand more tightly at her words, to remind her that she was here beside her right now. Maura clutched Jane's hand a little harder. Jane thought she might be done, but suddenly Maura was rushing to continue, clearly trying to think through all this.

"I realized I'd miss your…your energy, I guess you'd say. I'd miss your eyes, that are so expressive of all of those tremendous emotions you have."

At that moment, Maura looked back up at Jane's eyes. Jane wondered what Maura saw in them now. She loved Maura's eyes as well, but in this instant she couldn't read them—it wasn't a usual expression of Maura's. But clearly, her own eyes were like an open book into her soul. _Great. _Although, when Jane thought about it, there was rarely ever anything she wanted to hide from Maura, so if Maura understood her better through her eyes than that was fine with Jane.

"I'd miss your hands, and the way they swallow up mine when we hold hands." Maura squeezed Jane's hand here to emphasize her point.

"I'd miss that smile of yours. I'd miss _you_, Jane. I thought about my life, and it didn't make sense without you in it. I couldn't help myself from thinking about it."

Maura seemed to keep trying to make herself as small as possible. She had started tucking her legs into herself, bowing her head so she was no longer looking at Jane. And all Jane wanted to do as she heard these words was get closer to Maura, hold her. But she was afraid Maura would stop talking if she moved, so she just clung more tightly to Maura's hand.

"I wanted so badly to… I wanted to help find you, bring you home safe, and ensure that you'd be by my side again, but memories of us just kept flashing through my mind. Even just the simple day-to-day experiences we've shared. Like how we always go the Dirty Robber on Friday, and you always sit across the booth from me, laughing at me when you think I'm funny, and kicking my shins when you're annoyed."

Here, Maura looked up with a slight smile, and Jane let out a small laugh in spite of herself. But Maura's more serious words were making her heart ache so much worse than it already had been.

"And I realized that those memories would be all I had left of us. All I had left of my time with you. All I had left of you."

Maura whispered these last few words very quietly, her head back down again, but Jane didn't have to strain to hear them. She had been subconsciously inching closer to Maura and was almost on top of her now.

"And suddenly then I knew how much I needed you. I mean, I've known for a long time that I depend on you, Jane, but I realized then that I really _needed _you, in the true sense of the word."

Now she looked up again, and held Jane's gaze, as if she needed extra emphasis on the next words. "No one could ever take your place. No one else has ever filled it, and no one ever will."

Those hazel eyes were so beautiful, so serious, and it felt like they were looking into her soul. Jane's eyes swam with tears, and she batted them away. It was all she could do to keep from reaching out and holding Maura now. Jane had been holding her other hand clutched to her chest, but now she reached out and cupped Maura's face. She wanted Maura to keep looking at her as she said her next words, see how serious Jane was.

"I'm right here, you have me. I'm not going anywhere, Maur."

Maura's bright eyes filled up with tears, and she let her defensive position go, huddling up to Jane instead. She rested her head on Jane's shoulder, and Jane wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer. Maura let out a sigh of relief. Jane rested her head on Maura's, taking in the smell of Maura's hair, her familiar lavender scent, and smiling slightly. This is what she needed most right now—familiarity.

Then she realized Maura had started shaking. Her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"Maura?" She whispered her name softly, sweetly.

She rubbed her hand up and down Maura's arm soothingly.

"I—I'm sorry Jane I just can't stop thinking of that moment—even with you right here," said Maura, her voice breaking off on the last word.

Jane listened, patiently waiting for Maura to continue.

"When…when you were tied up to that bed, in pain, I wanted so badly to be there beside you, to be able to hold your hand, and be there for you like you've been there for me. To _save_ you. Because god knows you saved me—more times than I can count. But I—I _couldn't_."

Maura suddenly rolled away from Jane, as if it punish herself.

Jane sat speechless. All she wanted was Maura in her arms again. They felt so empty now without her. She fell to the side and stared at Maura's back, waiting, because she knew more words had to be coming. She was afraid to say anything, because she knew Maura needed to get this out, and Jane didn't want to say the wrong thing. She really wanted to hear what Maura had to say.

Maura's voice came quietly, but it cut through the dark and reached Jane's ears.

"I couldn't. All I could do was help Frost, Frankie and Korsak narrow down where you were, and after that all I could do was watch you suffer. Right before they busted down that door, and that…that _bastard_ said he would make sure you never saw anyone else again, I thought for sure I was going to lose you, and I felt this overwhelming sense of dread, this horrible pain and fear."

Jane was shaking now. She wasn't sure if it was because she'd hardly ever heard Maura curse and to hear her say a word with such venom was astounding. Or if it was the mention of the man who hurt her, hurt her everywhere it felt like. She imagined she was probably hurt beyond repair. Or if it was the helplessness in Maura's voice, the fear that matched her own. Maybe it was all three, but she lay there, seemingly unable to do anything but quiver.

"But I swear in that one moment when he threatened you, it was like…it was as if I was feeling _your _pain, _your_ fear, Jane, and I wanted so badly to just…" Maura suddenly stopped herself, as if she was second-guessing if she should say what she was thinking aloud.

Jane waited, listening intently. She thought she somewhat understood this feeling Maura was describing. The fear, pain, and desperation that was filling up the room right now, definitely wasn't coming from only Jane. She would have burst already if it had.

"Well, there was just this ache in my chest because I wanted that pain of yours to end so badly. I wanted to start the day over and never let you out of my sight, protect you from having to go through all of this."

Jane thought about the pain burning in her chest right now. Knowing that Maura had felt like that, and because of her, finally sent her into motion.

She gently tugged on Maura's shoulder, and Maura peeked over at Jane, then rolled over to face her. Her eyes were red, and her face was wet. Jane reached out and gently stroked Maura's face. Then she took both of Maura's hands in hers and looked straight into those beautiful eyes.

Then she cleared her throat, hoping to pull off a steady, soothing voice. It didn't really work as she had hoped, but she tried her best.

"Maura Isles. You helped save me. So much. Frankie told me how you figured out it was a building built in a certain time period and that's how you were able to find where I was. You used that big brain of yours, and I'm here beside you because of it."

Maura cracked a smile at Jane's mention of her brain. Thank god. That's the Maura she liked to see.

"So please don't go beating yourself up. And you were the one who did the best job easing my pain today. Out of everyone I know. You, okay? God, I could barely hold it together a full minute without hyperventilating before I saw you. I couldn't talk to anyone, I backed away from every touch—until you came."

This last part had rushed away from her before she could think, and Jane flushed a little at it being out in the open now, but there was nothing she could do about it. Maura probably knew that before, anyway. Still, it was strange to admit that she couldn't hold it together without Maura. Aloud, at least. Maura stared back at her, her eyes brighter than she'd seen them all day.

Suddenly, Jane remembered that she'd pictured Maura's eyes when she was lying on that bed tied up earlier on that day. They had flashed before her for a brief moment. It had caused her heart to beat faster, and had led to her strongest attempt at breaking free of the rope. There was something about never seeing those eyes again that made her want to...to live.

But his eyes. His eyes made her want to get out of that room for entirely different reasons. Except they froze her in place, made her unable to move. They bore into her skull, made her shrivel up in pure fear.

She thought of the way those eyes traveled down every part of her body. The way he had seen her naked when he stripped of her clothes, and…

"Jane? Jane. Jane!"

Someone was shouting her name, pleading really. She closed, then opened her eyes again, and suddenly Maura's face was in front of her, not that awful man's. Thank, god. But she was having trouble focusing on it, and on breathing for that matter. Her hands were trembling. Why was it so hard to get some air?

"Jane?" Maura's voice seemed distant.

She felt a cool, gentle hand grace her neck, and then her face. And something muttered that sounded like, "Tachycardia."

Whatever that meant. Suddenly, Jane's vision was a little clearer, and she saw Maura's eyebrows furrowed in her concern, her worried eyes. Then her soothing voice drifted into Jane's ears, as a hand came up on the other side of Jane's face.

"Jane, can you hear me? You need to calm down. Jane, please. Your heart is beating at a dangerous rate."

Well, yeah, it felt like it was about to fall out of her chest. Although her vision swayed, she tried to focus on Maura's voice, her eyes, and started to feel her heartbeat slow.

"Breathe. Breathe in slowly. Remember? Like before."

Jane took air into her mouth and nose, filling her lungs, then breathed out. She stared into Maura's eyes like last time. She felt one hand rubbing her shoulder, and another holding her hand, a finger stroking her palm in a soothing motion. Jane's breath was coming slower now, her heart settling back down in its place. She felt two fingers lightly touched her wrist, and then they were back in place in her hand.

"Good. Good, girl," Maura's soothing voice washed over Jane, calming her shivering body.

She curled into Maura to quell the shaking more. Maura repositioned so that Jane was resting on her shoulder, and put her arm around Jane, one hand softly stroking her hair back. Jane felt her body relaxing more, her breath coming steadier. Closing her eyes, she buried her face in Maura's shirt and breathed in Maura's scent, one she couldn't describe but that smelled, again, so familiar, so normal, that she calmed even more. She drifted off to sleep, thinking about better days with Maura. For some reason, she kept picturing Maura's eyes, thinking of how much brighter they had been during those times.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **I know it can be rough reading about all of this suffering, so I added a little bit of humor in this section. Most of it still is pretty deep and dark, but bare with me. All of this is really important in setting up the kind of happiness that will come later in the story. On a side note, I very much appreciate all of the people who have sent me reviews. They have given me the confidence to keep working on and posting this story, and I thank you.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

Maura lay awake, holding Jane close to her. Even with Jane in her arms, she still couldn't sleep. She was exhausted alright, there was no doubt her body and mind needed sleep. And her biggest fear of the day—losing Jane, never seeing her again—should be nothing to even worry about, now that she had Jane in her arms. And yet she still was so worried, and so frightened. And it all still had to do with Jane.

Maura was just glad that Jane had finally calmed down enough to get some sleep. She knew how much trauma Jane had been through today, and she was worried that Jane was suppressing it all too much, that if Jane kept doing that she'd never be the same. Maura needed to make Jane understand that she needed to let herself remember and talk about the trauma of the experience, before she could truly move was sure that sudden, intense memories of the trauma were making Jane have her hyperapnea episodes. Those were dangerous. Well, they could be, if Jane didn't calm down quickly enough. And what if Maura wasn't around to calm Jane when she had one? Maura wrapped her arms a little tighter around Jane.

What had that man done to Jane that they hadn't seen on the screen? What had that fucking asshole…_woah, Maura. _Okay, so she needed to calm down. But she still felt like she had every right to be upset. Still, she needed to keep a cool head for Jane. Something which she let slip tonight. Well, she was doing fine, but than her emotions got in the way, crept up on her. Maura couldn't believe how much she had cried, how Jane had had to comfort her, when clearly it should have been the other way around. Okay, that was it, enough of her blubbering and thoughts. Tomorrow, it would be all Jane's turn to let everything go. And she needed to hold herself together. Jane needed to express herself way more than she did.

Jane suddenly started to shiver and Maura pulled her closer to her chest and ran her hand up and down Jane's arm. She really hoped she didn't wake up. A full night of REM sleep was something Jane needed quite desperately. Maura feared Jane would have night terrors though.

As if on cue, Jane started shaking more violently. She was panting, and calling out for help, calling Maura's name. Maura's heart ached at the pain and fear in Jane's voice, as she tried to break Jane for her nightmare.

She shook Jane's shoulders. First gently, than harder, the more Jane screamed. Jane started kicking and Maura's initial instinct was to back up, but instead she headed straight for Jane grabbing an arm and a leg. She then yelled Jane's name.

"Jane! God, Jane! JANE!"

She screamed Jane's name as loud as she could and grabbed her face. Jane's eyes snapped open, eyes wide with fear, searching.

Maura spoke, softly now, to orient Jane.

"It's okay, Jane, it's just me, Maura. You're in my room, in my bed. Everything's fine. Everything's just fine," she said soothingly.

Much of the fear drained from Jane's eyes and her face looked less confused. But she seemed to subconsciously move herself even closer to Maura, pressing her head against Maura's upper chest. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane again, rubbed a soothing hand against Jane's back.

"Shhh, it's okay."

She whispered this almost to both of them, for she felt emotions building in her, rising even more—helplessness, despair, fear, anger…love? Maura's heart felt so full, seemed to take on Jane's pain as if it seeped from her body.

"It's okay, sweetie."

She just hoped Jane would fall back to sleep soon.

* * *

Jane couldn't stop seeing his face. As soon as she hit the world of unconscious, she felt no longer safe, she was no longer in Maura's arms. She was in the horrible room he had created. She was in_ his _world.

He was everywhere she turned and Jane couldn't get away. She was tied down. She would never fly again.

She could still feel the roughness of his skin against her cheek. He was pouncing on her in the dark, his eyes crazed. He was screaming, screaming so loudly.

Now she was in a dark room, and she felt warm, soft skin touching hers. But she could still hear screaming. It wouldn't stop. She put her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, willing it all to end.

Then she felt a gentle tugging on her wrist, but she wouldn't let her ears go. She couldn't stand the screaming. She felt gentle arms around her and she gave in, her body caving into the warmth and the safety of those arms. Jane buried her face in soft material, and the screams were quieter, muffled. The strong, gentle arms tightened more and more around her, as if to hold her together when she was clearly falling further apart. Then the screams stopped altogether. She slowly dropped her hands down, and lifted up her head, trying to orient herself.

She almost collided with Maura's chin. She saw Maura's face leering over her. She backed up a little to see Maura's eyes, to calm her breathing, since this seemed to be the thing that worked the best.

When she could catch her breathe again, she whispered into the dark, "I'm sorry, Maura."

Maura just pulled her close to her again. She could feel Maura shaking her head.

She finally fell back to sleep with her head resting against Maura's chest, listening to the steady thump of Maura's heartbeat.

* * *

Maura tried not to move a muscle—well, figuratively speaking since she knew that it was impossible to do that. But in any case, she tried to lie very still, as to not wake Jane who still lay with her head on Maura. Jane had finally fallen to sleep permanently last night, and had been unconscious for a few hours, Maura could only assume from exhaustion.

Maura thought about how she should approach the morning. Things felt different in the light of day. Would all of the words and what passed last night still linger with them? She had really acted like quite a fool last night. She had probably upset Jane more than she already was. Maura told herself she would try very hard to suppress her emotions today. _Great, hypocrite_, she thought, for that's exactly what she told Jane not to do. True it wasn't healthy, but she felt like she owed this to Jane. Jane had been through so much, and she just wanted her to get better, back to normal as quickly as possible. Maura was much less concerned about herself. Although, she knew that having Jane back to normal, would do wonders for her, as well.

Maura lay there obsessing over little details about what they would do today. Like what she would make Jane for breakfast. Well, she definitely needed to make some coffee. It was safe to say they were both exhausted from what you would call a fitful night's sleep at best.

Suddenly she felt Jane stirring, stretching her legs and kicking Maura in the shin.

"Oof," she heard herself groan.

Suddenly Jane bolted upright, sighting straight up in the bed.

"Jane?" Maura called out tentatively.

Jane looked back at Maura in confusion, than turned her weary eyes towards the clock.

"Jesus, it's 9:45 already? How long have you been awake?

"Well, you had a restless night last night. I figured I'd let you sleep in a little. Besides there's nothing we have to do today."

Jane looked at Maura, head tilted to the side, eyebrows upwards in confusion.

Maura couldn't help but laugh a little at Jane's bewildered expression at the mention of not doing anything. Jane seemed not to know what resting meant.

"What...no, Maura, I mean, you have to go to work, right?"

"No, Jane, I called in. I have plenty of sick days. And, well, the department understands."

Jane looked relieved at first and then slightly annoyed.

"Maura don't stay home for my sake. Come, on. I'm fine."

But Jane's bold voice wavered a little on the word fine, as if she couldn't even convince herself enough to say she was.

"Jane, I haven't had a day off in so long. I wanted to do it. Trust me."

Well, it was true she had wanted to do it. And she'd had to push a little to have the next few days off. But her desire to stay here wasn't for the reason she led Jane to believe it was for. She really felt a much stronger need to keep an eye on Jane than work on anything that waited for her on her autopsy table.

"Okay, Maur. But at the first sign of wanting to run back to those dead bodies of yours, please feel free to do so. I'm a big girl," Jane flashed a sly smile as she moved to climb out of bed.

Maura grinned back, just glad Jane was cracking jokes again.

"_My_ dead bodies, as you strangely like to place me in ownership of them, can wait. Or be handled by Dr. Pyke."

She frowned just mentioning the annoying doctor's name.

"Okay, Dr. Death. Just don't go crazy from not being at work for the first time in your life, and suddenly feel the need to practice autopsy procedures on me or something," Jane teased as she stumbled for the bathroom.

"Jane!" Maura said, acting offended, even though all of this was making her day. This was almost normal Jane.

The door slammed shut as she shouted her name. Maura lay back down in bed, tempted to fall back to sleep. But suddenly she heard running water through the bathroom door. It sounded like her bathtub was running.

She got up, curious, and knocked on the door.

"Jane? What are you doing?"

"Uh…um, nothing, I'll be out in a bit."

Maura didn't like how elusive she was being. "Jane are you taking another shower?"

"Uh, well, yeah. Just wanted to freshen up," Jane's voice was quiet, and strange, as if she was embarrassed to be caught doing something she knew she shouldn't.

Maura sighed and leaned against the bathroom door. It was usually a chore to get Jane to take even one shower in twenty-four hours and she was taking two in less than twelve. Ok, so maybe she didn't quite have her normal Jane back yet.

* * *

Jane walked out of Maura's bedroom still drying her hair, rubbing a towel through it. Maura's back was turned to her, making something for breakfast. Jane suddenly stopped, wanting to take the picture in, not ready to see those concerned eyes boring into hers just yet. Maura looked the most relaxed she'd seen her in a long while, well, since everything happened. Her shoulders were less tense, not hunched up in worry, and she was even humming a little as she sliced up bananas. Conclusion: when she wasn't with Jane, Maura wasn't so worried, wasn't so stressed. And she hated seeing Maura like that.

She liked this Maura, who found solace in the day-to-day things, the practical. She stared and watched her for awhile, thinking about how much Maura looked like she belonged where she was, how happy Jane was to just watch her being busy at doing something she liked. Not just worriedly hovering over Jane. She moved sideways to get a better look at her face. She loved Maura's face when she concentrated, the way her eyebrows furrowed. Well, she loved it when that focus wasn't concentrated on Jane, on trying to fix her. Right now the bananas had Maura's full attention. And those eyes…

She stepped sideways to get a better look at Maura and suddenly, Jane felt the ground go out from beneath her.

"Shit!" She yelled, as her foot slipped on the dripping water from her hair.

She grabbed at the counter to steady herself, but her outburst had caused Maura to swirl around.

"Jane! What…"

Jane stomped in frustration at herself, scowling at that stupid puddle on the floor. Then she heard a laugh and looked up to see Maura laughing more and more, bending over and holding her stomach. She struggled to get out words, but Jane could only make out the remnants of her name.

Slowly, anger left her, and she smiled at the sight of a happy Maura. She would do it again, just to hear Maura's laugh after the shit storm of emotion that was yesterday.

"Ja-Jane," Maura tried again through her laughter. Every time she looked at Jane she cracked up harder.

"You just…I'm sorry," Maura said straightening herself up. "But you're face was very funny when you were trying to regain your balance, and your hair is all over the place…and your anger…at the floor…."

Jane placed her hands on her hips in mock irritation, and raised her eyebrows with her best "I dare you to continue" look, even though she was loving being responsible for making Maura laugh not cry.

"I'm sorry, Jane," Maura said at last, trying to regain composure after seeing Jane's face. "Breakfast will be ready shortly. Why don't you go dry your hair a bit more before you get water all over my kitchen?"

Then Maura turned her back to Jane, probably because she couldn't stop smiling and thought that would make Jane more angry. But all Jane wanted was Maura to turn back around so she could keep staring at that smile. She has such a strong urge to pull Maura around by the waist to face her so Jane could see those laughing eyes.

Okay…you know what, maybe going to dry her hair was a good idea.

* * *

"Jane, why don't we go running? Or do some yoga?" Maura asked as she finished clearing their breakfast plates. Jane sat on the couch watching one of her games. Maura herself didn't find those games very intriguing, but she knew it was one of Jane's favorite things to watch.

"Umm, nah, I'm good," Jane muttered.

Maura wasn't sure whether to keep pushing it or not, but she knew that running would probably make Jane feel much better, with the release of endorphins it would cause. Physical activity had been proven to help make a person feel less upset. She was going to tell Jane about the multiple studies she'd read about showing these results, but thought twice.

"You know, I think it would make you feel better," she said instead.

"I feel fine!" Jane asserted, a little too forcefully.

"Jane, I'm not saying—" she began, and then Jane's phone rang.

Jane suddenly sat up straight on the couch, and answered, "Rizzoli".

"Hey, bud. Yea, I'm doing okay," Jane said with a small smile. Maura could tell she was trying to sound like her usual self as best as she could. Then Jane suddenly looked wary. Maura found herself moving towards Jane, sitting down next to her on the couch.

"Frankie, can't they push that until tomorrow? I'm just not—"

Jane looked up at Maura, and halted. Maura gave her a questioning look.

"You know what? That's fine, you're right," Jane said, looking down at her lap. "No, we can do it at the station."

Oh, it must be Jane's statement. Maura had just assumed that they had already taken it when they found her, but maybe they felt she was too shaken up at the time. God, how bad had she been?

"Tell them to send whoever needs to take it right here." The words were coming out of Maura's mouth before she could think twice.

She thought for sure Jane would snap at her, but Jane just turned and looked at her with thankful eyes.

"Umm…Frankie? Maura suggested that they come here and take it? But if it's too much trouble, I can come to the station."

Maura could tell how much Jane didn't want to go near that station right now. But being a burden to anyone was worse than anything for Jane Rizzoli.

"Alright, thanks Frankie. Mhmm." Jane snapped her phone shut and stared in silence for a moment.

Maura waited, until finally Jane looked up, seemingly just remembering Maura was still there.

"Frankie said he'll see what he can do. Thanks for offering your place up, Maur," she said, and Maura could tell she was truly grateful, even more than she was letting on.

"Of course," Maura said. Jane went back to staring at the television screen. Maura pushed the mute button and sound filled the room again, her way of letting Jane know that she wasn't going to push her to do anything today she didn't want to. She patted Jane's knee, then got up to straighten up her house. If she was having guests over, it needed to look more presentable than this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Jane sighed. She moved her leg up on the couch, then back down. Put her arm behind her head, then down in her lap. She was not really watching anything on the screen in front of her. That one phone call had changed the mood of the morning so much. She wished she had just told Frankie she couldn't do it until tomorrow. Now, knowing it was so soon, she was a nervous wreck. In that moment, with Maura right there though, she hadn't wanted to admit she didn't think she was ready to do it yet. Jane was so thankful that Maura had offered up her place, though. There was no way Jane could have walked through the precinct's doors today, seen the place where he grabbed her. She didn't even know how she'd feel walking into her own bedroom, being alone...

That was just another thing to add to the list of things that made Jane thankful she had Maura in her life. She knew she just couldn't be alone right now, even in the light of the day. She felt horrible that Maura was taking off work for her, and she didn't want her to feel trapped, like she had to babysit Jane or something. So, Jane was trying to act like it didn't really matter much to her whether Maura went back to work or not. But the truth was she'd probably be cowering in a corner right now, feeling bare-naked without her gun to protect her, if Maura wasn't here. She definitely wouldn't be able to sit on this couch—she'd be pacing around like a mad woman. Even if there was someone else there with her instead of Maura, she'd probably be completely unhinged. More than she was now. Just Maura's presence calmed Jane, she was beginning to realize. She didn't even have to be in the same room with her, although it did help.

She realized she'd been staring this whole time at the door, so now she flicked her eyes back to the screen, just incase Maura came in. She needed to appear as normal as possible. Jane wished they'd just hurry up and get here already. She didn't like the feeling of this hanging over her head. It almost felt like until she got this done, he still had control over her. He filled her mind when she wasn't distracted, and it was getting increasingly worse the longer she waited, the closer the time came to having to verbalize what he had done to her. She had seen it in her head multiple times, in terrible flashes that she couldn't control. One second she'd be talking to Maura, the next he would be baring down on her. But today was much better than last night. In the light of day, the fear he stirred in her didn't appear quite as much. The dark definitely intensified it. Also, night was harder because her dreams were much longer, not simple flashes, and she couldn't wake up from them, until Maura was tugging at her, until she was safe in Maura's arms.

So, with all these images filling up her head, it wasn't as if she was scared of giving her statement because it would make her remember. She remembered just fine. There was nothing to drudge up. It was always haunting her. It was talking about it she was worried about. She could barely stand to think about it, so how could she make herself try to express in words to another person what happened to her, especially a stranger. Or maybe a stranger was better. Better to break down in front of someone she didn't know, be a coward then, instead of in front of the ones she loved. She hated making them worry, sympathize, fear for her. Yes, a stranger was better.

Suddenly she thought of Maura. She looked up and didn't see her anywhere. She felt panic start to set in for just a second, and then saw her coming out of a hallway, cleaning supplies in her hands. Maura looked up as if she sensed Jane staring at her, and gave her a small smile. Jane couldn't help but grin back. It was just good to see her.

She saw Maura like ten minutes ago, what was wrong with her. She needed to try to mask all this weak bullshit, appear like herself. The words tumbled out of her mouth.

"Jesus, Maura, what are you cleaning for?"

"Well, people are coming over, and it needs to be presentable."

Jane raised her eyebrows looking around. It was spotless.

"I don't think my place has ever looked even this 'presentable'."

Maura stopped to think about it.

"No, you're right, I don't think it has," Maura concluded.

Jane chuckled under her breath. "Thanks, Maur."

"Well, you're just not someone who keeps her spaces tidy, Jane. Everyone who knows you knows that," Maura said with a shrug.

"Okay, well, you're a little too _tidy_. Come on, stop, Maura! No one's coming!"

Maura opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it.

Jane sighed. She should help Maura or something if she was going to be persistent about cleaning. She hadn't been watching the TV anyway and she needed to distract herself. She got up off the couch, and reached for the remote to turn it off, but suddenly Maura was beside her. She put her hand on Jane's arm, and Jane shivered slightly, a good shiver.

"Is there nothing else on, Jane? I wanted to watch something with you."

"Oh, umm…well I was just going to help you, but, um...yea, we could watch something," Jane said in confusion.

"I'm done with cleaning, no need to help."

She didn't know what Maura liked to watch. She didn't think she'd ever seen Maura watch TV on her own.

"Well, whatcha wanna watch?" Jane asked, turning towards Maura expectantly.

But Maura just shrugged her shoulders as she settled next to Jane on the couch. "Oh, I don't mind. One of your games is fine."

Jane smiled. "You sure, Maur? We don't have—hey, there's a Red Sox game on! How did I miss this!"

Jane took her eyes off the TV to look at Maura for a second though, and saw her scoot a little closer to Jane, than relax against the cushions. Jane smiled to herself, and moved a little closer to Maura, as well.

* * *

Maura didn't know why she was so pissed. But she was hot, and slamming doors that she always gently closed. Even seeing the bed sheets tied up in a knot because Jane couldn't bother to make the bed in the morning was angering her.

She just felt so infuriated. She paced back and forth across the bedroom. She didn't even know what to do with herself. She just kept thinking of Jane, and that made her face burn even more.

Maura flashed back to a few minutes earlier. The detectives had come to interview Jane for her statement. They looked annoyed to be having to go out of their way, but they were also kind to Jane, and polite to Maura. She had led them into her home, and they had chosen to sit at the kitchen table with Jane. Maura had gone to sit down next to Jane without even thinking twice, but Jane had halted her by suddenly grabbing her arm. Rather roughly in fact.

"Maura, why don't you go into the other room. I got this," she had said, her voice serious, her expression stern.

In fact she had barely looked at Maura when she said it. Just released her and turned back to the detectives, with that cold face of hers where she looked emotionless. It was rare for Maura to see that face and it always scared her. Jane usually used it to interrogate subjects. It led you to believe Jane was feeling nothing at all. And to Maura, that was more frightening than Jane feeling scared or sad.

Maura had just wanted to be there for Jane, had just assumed that's the way the interview would be. If Jane felt like she wanted to do it on her own she could have informed Maura beforehand. Instead, Jane had been so rude, so cold. So hostile. And she did it right in front of guests, Maura's guests because it was _her _home.

Maura sat on her bed exhausted from pacing, from all of these emotions. She knew she was overreacting. But she couldn't help it. She lay down on the bed, and as the drumming in her ears slowed, her face cooled, she realized she wasn't just angry. No, that was a mask she was hiding behind.

She was mostly worried about Jane. She wanted more than anything to be sitting with her in that room right now. She knew Jane was strong, that she could put up a front better than anyone, but she wanted to be there for her just incase she couldn't hold it together all on her own. Just incase Jane needed a hand to hold under the table while she told her terrible story.

And Maura felt hurt. Because clearly Jane didn't want her there to do that.

* * *

Jane's heart was pounding increasingly hard as she shut the door behind the detectives. Because now she was alone, and with these thoughts. Still the thoughts rushed around her head, beat inside her skull. She had been focusing on that terrible day, those horrible hours for so long, for too long, when all she wanted to do was push them away. It had been unbearable. And the worst part was that even when her job was done, her statement given, those images were still there.

For some reason right now she kept hearing her voice when she begged Frost to find her, pleaded that he could see her and that he would track her down. Her voice had been laced with fear. She had been in danger of crying and it was apparent. Her breath had hitched and her eyes had been watery. But all she had thought about was not how weak she looked, as she normally would, but how desperately she needed someone to find her, to end all of this pain—to help save her.

Exactly how she felt now as she collapsed onto the nearest soft place she could find and called for Maura. Her voice was low, filled with fear, cracking, and she was so afraid Maura wouldn't hear her. But she couldn't get up and look for her. Jane's head was spinning and she felt nauseous, like if she moved an in inch the world would completely collapse. But oh, how she needed Maura. She pushed out her friend's name with as much air as she could muster.

She waited for what seemed like forever, thinking Maura must not have heard her. And that made Jane panic more. She just couldn't help it. Her heartbeat soared out of control, she was starting to see purple dots, spots of the blackness, the dark hole she was surely about to fall into. And then suddenly Maura was in front of her. She felt her cool hands on her own hot skin and already she felt better. Her vision got a bit more clear and she saw Maura was face to face with her, her lips moving, saying something she couldn't hear but assumed was something about her breathing. So, Jane stared into those beautiful hazel eyes, and again that did the trick more than anything. Jane could feel herself coming back to earth, as she attempted to take in slow, even breathes.

"Maura," she croaked. Her hands reached out blindly, and grabbed hard onto Maura's arms. Maura was her anchor. How could she just be realizing this?

Maura swam more into focus. Her furrowed brow, a frown on her face, cheeks flushed…and those eyes. Eyes filled with fear, concern, pain. But still _so _beautiful. Jane kept staring into those eyes, but then she felt so tired. So very tired. Her eyelids were heavy. Now that her breathing was more back to normal all Jane wanted to do was rest. She leaned backwards onto the couch, feeling it take her in. She tried to take Maura with her, her anchor, but Maura was pulling Jane towards her and Maura was so much stronger right now, and this zapped the rest of Jane's strength. She would just close her eyes for a moment.

She could barely make out Maura's strained voice. She was out in seconds.

* * *

Maura had been sulking in her room, really there was no other word for it. She had been sulking like a child. Then she had heard the door slam, but was determined not to go out and see Jane until she came to her. She had wanted to show Jane she was annoyed. She had lay there with her arms crossed, when suddenly she had heard a voice whispering. She had sat up fast. _Jane? Why did she sound so strange, so far away? _Then Maura had heard someone slipping, and a bang. It had sounded like someone had just slid her couch across her hardwood floor.

All of her annoyance had gone and she bolted for the door. Her first view of Jane had been the back of her head, her body slouched over, her hands kneading her forehead. She had rushed over pushing away any emotional reactions and trying to think logically. She had seen that Jane's face was red, her breath was coming way too fast. Jane had had a number of these episodes since the kidnapping, but this looked to Maura to be the worst one. Jane had been struggling to breathe, to do anything, and Maura had wanted more than anything to help her. She felt for Jane's pulse. She hadn't had the patience, the concentration to count, but it hadn't mattered. Anyone would have been able to tell that Jane's heartbeat was extremely rapid. Maura had knelt down on the ground, not thinking about the way her dress would wrinkle (something she of which she was always cautious). She had needed to be face to face with Jane. Maura coached Jane to breathe like she had before, and as soon as Jane's eyes were looking into her own, she had felt Jane's heart rate and breathing coming down at record speed.

Jane had suddenly reached for Maura, grabbing her arms and squeezing like her life depended on it. For the first word she had been able to get out, with her breathe coming slower, she had chosen to utter Maura's name. Something had bubbled up inside Maura and she realized it was happiness, but she pushed it away with logic. Of course Jane would say her name, she was standing right in front of her helping her. Who else's name would she say? Jane had stared more intently at Maura, her eyes increasingly focused. Then suddenly, Jane's eyelids had started to droop, fluttering closed. Jane was a dead weight, falling backwards on the couch. Maura had panicked slightly, thinking Jane was passing out. She wasn't going to let her fall unconscious on her watch. She had called Jane's name, trying to keep her conscious, struggling to keep her sitting up. But Jane had collapsed on the couch despite her best efforts.

Maura had rushed to get a wet towel to cool Jane down and bring her to consciousness again, but when she had put the towel on Jane's forehead she noticed the fluttering of Jane's eyes as the water dripped down into them. Then Jane shifted slightly on the couch, curling into a more comfortable position. Jane hadn't passed out. She had just fallen asleep, Maura guessed from exhaustion. She had laughed in relief and then plopped onto the couch next to Jane. Jane needed the rest so she let her sleep.

Now she lay on the couch next to Jane thinking all of this over, thinking about how foolish she had been. Maura shook her head than looked over at Jane. She looked so sweet asleep, so much more peaceful than she had in so long. Jane's legs appeared to be lying in a strange position though. She didn't want Jane to have a leg cramp when she got up, so Maura moved Jane's legs onto her lap. She held them there as she laid back herself into the couch cushions. She was pretty tired as well. The last thought she had as she drifted into sleep was that this was the best thing either of them had done all day—sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: **So I know there's been a bit of a wait between this chapter and the last. I just started classes again, so I'll probably be posting chapters a little bit more slowly now, like once a week or so. But your reviews have been very helpful in creating and strengthening the story, so keep them coming! :) I loved writing this scene in particular. Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Jane opened her eyes slowly. It was dead quiet, all she could hear was steady breathing. She tried to sit up, but couldn't easily. Suddenly remembering her last episode she started to panic a little, but then looked over and saw a head of hair. Maura was sleeping on Jane's shoulder. Jane smiled and looked down at Maura, trying not to move. She didn't want to disturb her. God, she was out like a light. And why shouldn't she be, she'd been dealing with Jane's issues for so long. Jane sighed. Maura looked so peaceful, so happy like that. She grinned at how Maura held Jane's legs across her lap. Jane didn't know why, but simple contact with Maura—the weight of her head against her shoulder and the way Maura's hands wrapped around Jane's legs—seemed to warm Jane inside.

Suddenly Maura was stirring. She stretched her arms and Jane heard her yawn. Then she quickly sat upright and turned to look at Jane.

"You're awake," she said, looking surprised.

"Yea. Just woke up," Jane said, her voice deep and soft. She hesitated and then the apology tumbled from her lips. "I'm sorry."

She was sorry for so many things, but she couldn't seem to get this all out, explain it all. So she just let the words hang there, hoping Maura would understand what she meant.

Maura sat there, still holding onto Jane's legs, gripping them now. "For what?"

Jane didn't know if she was just saying the words so Jane wouldn't feel bad, or if she actually just didn't think Jane owed her apology. Well, she definitely did owe her one, so Jane thought it must be the first option. Maura was always too polite, too concerned with how others felt, always putting herself last.

"For everything, Maur. I've kept you running around, and sleepless, I'm taking up so much of your time, and just look at you, you're…" Jane trailed off looking for the right words to get across her point. For some reason the word_ beautiful_ kept buzzing around in her head as she looked at Maura, but she knew that wasn't going to fit her argument.

"Worried," Maura finished. "I'm concerned about you, Jane. My concern is you," she patted her leg. "I'm your best friend and this is what best friends do—well, you are my first best friend, so more accurately it's what I have come to the conclusion best friends do considering our friendship. Right now you need me, so I'm here. You've done the same for me—countless times."

Jane bowed her head. She did need Maura.

"I just hate being a burden."

"Stop!" Maura slapped her leg playfully. "You aren't Jane. A burden is someone you don't want to help, you don't want around. A burden is not something you've ever been to me." Now Maura's voice lowered, and she got more serious. "You need to heal, Jane. Mentally. You need to allow your brain to sort its self out. Eventually, you're going to need professional help, but right now I'm here with my own kind."

"Oh, and what's that?" Jane countered, trying to sound playful, but failing, her voice catching a little.

"Well, I'm here with love. I'm the one who provides you with love and comfort. Your therapist is the stranger who helps you sort through the ordeal you went through to help your brain heal correctly. See, it's no different than a bodily injury, Jane..."

Maura went on, going into detail about injuries, but Jane was just focusing on the word "love" that had left Maura's lips. For some reason, there was a strong connection between "Maura" and "love" in Jane's brain. But she had only heard Maura say the word a few times when it came to talking about their relationship. Jane shook her head. Comfort. Comfort was a safer word. Comfort is definitely what she found in Maura's arms, and she didn't find it as abundantly elsewhere.

God, Maura was still talking. She rambled about science often, but only this long when something was bothering her.

"Maura," Jane interrupted her, placing a hand on her arm. "Maura, just…hold on. I want to talk about you. What's…I mean…how have you been?"

Maura halted, looking confused. "What do you mean how have I been?"

Jane just continued looking at Maura, eyebrows raised.

"I'm fine, Jane. Well, I hate when you're not fine….but I'm okay."

"Something's bothering you, I know it is."

Maura looked up from her hands she had been fiddling with, "What? No…well, I don't like to see you suffer having those terrible flashbacks and trouble breathing, so that's been upsetting. I…" She trailed off, as if thinking.

Jane kept watching her, but she slid her hand down to Maura's, rubbing her thumb against the back of Maura's hand. She hated hearing Maura say she'd been upset. Things Jane had done had upset Maura, and although Jane knew she couldn't control those moments where she broke down from the memories, she kicked herself for depending so much on Maura to be the one to calm her. Jane loathed having to drag Maura into her crap, scare her, upset her. This was exactly why she didn't have Maura sit next to her through the interview, no matter how desperately she wanted Maura there to hold her together. That shouldn't be Maura's job. As if Maura could read her mind, she was suddenly bringing that up.

"You've been having a hard time with this, understandably so, and that's why I don't understand why…why you didn't want me there with you when they took your statement. That must have been horrible, so I don't understand why you…why you told me to go. I just wanted to be there for you."

Maura had started talking faster and faster, as though if she didn't push the words out all at once she'd never be able to say them. She was staring down at her hands again, well their hands now, that were intertwined. Even with her head ducked down like that Jane could see Maura's eyes were watery.

Jane's heart was aching. She didn't know she had hurt Maura so badly by telling her to leave the room when the detectives came. She had wanted to protect her. Jane needed to fix this now, so she jumped in with both feet, not really thinking about her word choice.

"Oh, shit, Maura, I just felt like…I didn't think about you being…"

Maura's eyes were lowering even more now. Crap, none of this was coming out right. She quickly reached out and grabbed Maura's chin, forcing her to look into her eyes so she could see how serious Jane was. Also, because Jane was selfish and couldn't bare not to look at those beautiful eyes that were forever changing color.

"I wanted you with me. I wanted you beside me so much. I just didn't want to put that weight on you, that pressure. I knew you would hate hearing all that, and I didn't want to…I just knew how tough that day had been on you as well. I didn't feel like we _both _needed to relive it. I wanted to spare you I guess. But…"

At first Maura's mouth had been open in surprise, in gladness. But now Maura was shaking her head fervently, "Jane! You should have…"

Jane shook her head as well, and put her hand on Maura's arm. Jane sat up straighter, taking her legs away from Maura's lap. She shifted so that they were directly facing each other, knees touching. She needed to get this all out now.

"Just listen. You don't know how badly I wish you had been sitting beside me, how much I wished it was just you and me talking through it and disposing of it all forever, just…" She trailed off, shivering at the memory. "Without you it was pretty unbearable, Maura. I guess I needed you more than I even thought because it all hit me at the end like a ton of bricks. Without you, everything was collapsing around me."

Jane's whole body was shaking now—her voice, everything. Maura's eyes had been so intently focused on her the whole time. Therefore, Jane had been able to lose herself in them and she was sure it had kept her from completely falling apart as she remembered, as so many feelings washed over her again. Feelings of fear and the pain, which Jane understand because of what she was recalling, what she had been through. But there were also feelings of longing and something else…she wasn't sure what. Desire? But how did that fit in? Though she didn't understand those two feelings, she did notice that they always happened to coincide with Maura. They had made themselves especially apparent since yesterday, particularly since last night when Maura had told Jane how she had felt almost losing her. And as Jane sat incredibly close to Maura now, she could feel those same emotions so strongly, pulsating through her core.

All Jane knew in this whir of emotions was that she was leaning towards Maura and suddenly she was wrapped up in Maura's arms. She sighed into Maura, closing her eyes as Maura rubbed her back. Jane couldn't understand this relief she found in Maura's arms. She hated hugging. Well, everyone that is except for Maura. Jane always felt like she fit perfectly in Maura's arms, although logically this made no sense considering how small Maura was in comparison with her own lanky body.

Maura's voice was whispering something in Jane's ear now, peeping up through Jane's thoughts.

"I'm here, Jane. You don't ever have to be without me. I'll always be with you—however long you want me to be."

_Would forever be alright?_

But instead of saying this aloud to Maura, Jane was left pondering her own thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: **First of all, thank you again for your reviews! Keep them coming. I think that I addressed a few things in this chapter that you guys were commenting on. This part is more a look into the minds of Maura and Jane than anything else, hope you find it interesting!

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Maura couldn't concentrate on the pile of work that sat in front of her. She knew she had a lot to do. For one of the first times in her life, she was behind in her cases because she had taken time off to be with Jane. Now she was at work, had been back for a week now, and Jane almost a week, but she still wasn't able to concentrate. She was very fidgety, and this was quite strange for her. She didn't fidget. However, apparently she did, because since she'd been back, Maura found herself unable to stay still when she sat at this desk. It was even taking her longer to do autopsies; her logical mind just wasn't all there. Her emotions appeared to still have greater reign than normal.

It seemed Maura's mind was almost always on Jane these days. Jane had been doing quite well the last few weeks. The night after her statement had been taken Maura had finally gotten Jane to open up and talk about what had happened in that room. She had hoped it would help Jane, and it truly had. That was what was important. However, getting through it had been hard for both of them. Hearing the fear in Jane's voice and seeing the tears in Jane's eyes had been enough to make Maura want to strangle the asshole.

Jane was shaking so much that she could only tell her story while wrapped in Maura's arms. They lay in the dark. They had started talking with the light on, but Jane shrunk away from it. Maura understood. She needed to have layers to wrap herself in as she discussed her healing injuries—still sensitive to the touch, angry and red. So Jane had turned off the lights, relishing in the privacy of the dark. She had climbed under sheets, and folded herself into Maura.

Jane slowly told Maura about how she had woken up to him bearing over her. She described the way she had pleaded with him, tried to play along, to keep a cool head, in a desperate attempt to save her life. But after awhile Jane had realized it was hopeless, for his intensity was so terrifying, his eyes wild. She didn't know how she'd escape. His hands grabbed at her and she couldn't lash out. Jane cried as she explained how she had hated feeling so vulnerable, how his horrifying eagerness had suffocated her. Maura listened intently to Jane, trying hard to hold herself together while Jane finally allowed herself to fall apart. But inside, Maura's heart was shattering.

Long after Jane had fallen asleep Maura lay wide awake, trembling. The only thing keeping her somewhat sane was holding Jane safe in her arms. It had needed to be done though. As Maura had hoped, the talk had actually made Jane sleep a lot better, and the therapy furthered her progress.

Jane's transition back to work had been overall very smooth. Jane had hesitated outside the precinct her first day back, looking at the spot where she had been grabbed. But Maura was practically the only one around to notice this moment and as soon as she gently touched Jane's arm, Jane was suddenly moving forward with determination, without even a glance back. Everyone greeted Jane warmly, but of course she had shrugged much of it off, just wanting everything to get back to normal, which Maura understood.

But Maura herself couldn't seem to get back into a normal routine. She knew Jane was doing just fine working. She was getting back into the swing of things so easily—she should know, as she was often upstairs checking on Jane lately. But Maura wasn't doing nearly as well. She couldn't seem to focus when Jane wasn't right in front of her. She knew Jane was alright, that she wasn't being logical, but Maura just found a pulsating need to call or text Jane every hour. The most satisfactory nerve-reducer, the event that made her more happy than anything, was seeing Jane with her own eyes. However, she'd had to cut back on the number of times she went upstairs to visit Jane. It was making Jane visibly concerned and Maura thought Jane was annoyed, and that's the last thing she wanted. But she couldn't help but text Jane, even just to see what she was doing, or call her down to the morgue more often than needed.

More than once, she had walked upstairs and Frost and Korsak hadn't known where Jane was. Maura had felt fear start to grow in the pit of her stomach. It had already sprouted leaves when Jane rounded the corner—perfectly fine.

Just yesterday for example, Maura had come up with test results, further inquiries on the case, and a desire to check on Jane-but no one knew where Jane was. Maura had just started to frantically call Jane for the second time, when Jane waltzed into the precinct. Maura had exhaled loudly at the sight of her, trying not to give herself away, trying to hide her relief, because she knew she was being foolish. But Jane had picked up on it all right away. Her eyebrows had furrowed with concern, and she'd come towards Maura, her body position shifting from tight and defensive, to open.

"What's wrong, Maura?"

But Maura had just shaken her head, wishing more than anything she could lie and make up that something else was bothering her. Instead, she'd closed her eyes, breathed in deeply, opened them and took in the sight of Jane, right in front of her, and just…Jane. This brought a genuine smile to her face, and Jane had stared at her confused for a second, but then had resorted to smiling uncertainly back and squeezing her arm as she walked past her to her desk.

They went to lunch every day as usual, and the rest of the day was pretty much the same as it had always been. Everything was back to normal except Maura and the nerves that flowed through her body, setting her on edge unless Jane was right beside her. She reasoned that it probably had to do with her feeling as though she hadn't checked in on Jane enough the day she was taken. Jane was gone for too long before Maura noticed. Maura let Jane out of her sight and she disappeared in what seemed like an instant, so easily. Therefore, Maura reasoned this must be where her need to see and check on Jane so often came from. She pushed away the fact that seeing Jane not only calmed her nerves, but it was the only time she felt true happiness. That although she was a person who liked being alone, was accustomed to it, now she hated it, hated not being with Jane. Maura had always liked being around Jane, had found comfort in her presence, but now she craved it like she never had before.

And Maura couldn't help but notice her feelings about Jane were more intense than ever since the kidnapping. She guessed that almost losing Jane had sparked something in her, made her realize how important Jane really was to her. But did that explain her stronger desire to touch Jane, to be close to her? Because lately it felt good to be next to Jane, take in the sight of her, feel Jane's hand run casually along her arm for a moment—better than it had before…different than it had before.

Maura tried not to linger on it, but she thought she had noticed a slight change in the way Jane interacted with her as well. She hypothesized it was probably her imagination, but it seemed as though Jane was looking at Maura more. They held eye contact with each other longer than usual and sometimes she could swear Jane was looking at Maura's breasts, or scanning her legs with her eyes. Definitely her overactive, overemotional mind. Right? Maybe Maura was more hormonal than usual for some reason.

This train of thought was really leading her nowhere. If she couldn't bring herself to focus on work, she might as well think about what they could do for dinner tonight. They had extended their lunch plans into their evenings now as well. Maura couldn't remember the last time she had eaten a meal without Jane, in fact. Jane had started spending more time in her own apartment as of a few days ago, trying to get comfortable and settled in it again, but she still hadn't moved back into her bedroom yet. Even after buying a new bed. Maura understood Jane's nervousness about sleeping in her bedroom. The moments that haunted Jane in her dreams, though increasingly less, had taken place in a room that was supposed to replicate her bedroom. It made perfect sense for Jane to be wary of sleeping in there again.

And the truth was Maura loved sleeping with Jane. Lying next to her at night, Maura felt safe, and warm inside. She didn't feel that emptiness, that loneliness creeping on her in the dark anymore. She wondered how she would sleep when Jane finally was able to move back to her own bed. Quite terribly, she predicted.

* * *

Jane's mind wondered away from her for the billionth time that day. She could make up the excuse that it was just that this case wasn't that intriguing, but she knew that was bogus because she got involved with every case she worked. Well, before the kidnapping that was. Now, she couldn't stop thinking about Maura. Just little things—like what they were going to do for dinner that night, how she had looked in that dress this morning…okay, maybe that was a little weird that her mind went there. But Jane couldn't help it. Maura ran through her mind constantly. Jane wanted to see her increasingly more, even though they had been spending even more time than usual together. She couldn't ignore that she felt even happier to be around Maura than previously. There was just so much more to like about Maura than Jane had noticed before. Like the way Maura's honey blonde hair fell. She always thought it had been nice, but now she saw it as beautiful. She found herself staring at Maura when she wore tighter fitting clothing, wishing she wore clothes like that more often. These thoughts were strange to Jane, but also familiar in a way, as if all of this had been in the back of her mind for quite awhile but the thoughts were just starting to get loud enough to be heard.

She had always loved Maura's hazel eyes, but now she found herself falling deeply into them, often holding her gaze with Maura much longer than ever before. Maybe the strangest thing for Jane was the strong desire she felt to feel Maura close to her, to hold Maura's hand, or feel Maura's arms around her. It had been 4 days since her last night terror, and that was the last time Maura had held her. Now Jane found herself craving it again, even when nothing felt wrong. She just loved the feeling of Maura's skin on hers, of resting her head against Maura's chest, feeling her heart beat. It made Jane feel strong, and together, in one piece, so happy, beautiful and…what the hell was wrong with her. These were not thoughts she ever had. She needed to focus on her work.

But as she trained her eyes back on the file in front of her, she didn't see the words, but Maura's face. She thought about how if she couldn't find an excuse to hug Maura, at least it would feel good to go say hi, to see her. Then maybe she could get the hell back to work once the feeling was satisfied. She stood up and walked up from her desk without a second thought, walking so fast towards the elevator in her determination to quench this strange yearning, that she almost bumped into Korsak.

"Where's the fire?" he joked, as she mumbled an apology, somewhat embarrassed, and jabbed the down button repeatedly with her finger, willing it to come quickly. What was wrong with her? She could just say she was going to see Maura about some results. That was normal to everyone here. So why didn't it suddenly feel like Jane was doing something wild that she shouldn't be?

* * *

Maura was studying the stomach contents of the body on her autopsy table when she heard the door open behind her. She hoped it was Jane, and when she saw it was, she grinned. She couldn't help it.

"Hey, Maur," Jane said, with an equally wide grin on her face.

"Jane," she said, coming to meet her, "I was wondering what you wanted to do for dinner tonight."

Jane laughed a little. Although Maura couldn't understand why she was laughing, Maura liked to hear it. Jane hadn't laughed much in the past few weeks.

"What?" Maura asked, raising her eyebrows, but she couldn't help chuckling a little.

"It's just that...I was thinking about the same thing. When what I should be doing is coming down here to see how you're doing working on that body."

Funny. So Jane hadn't come down just to ask about the autopsy. She had been thinking about their plans for later as well. Maura tried to hide her happiness about this, feeling slightly ridiculous. It wasn't as though Jane always came down for work. What was the cause of this bubble of joy rising up in her? She shook her head, and worked to lose herself in science again.

"Well, I just started looking at his stomach contents. But the blood tests definitely showed a fair amount of drugs in his system," Maura responded.

"Not surprising, I mean, we've confirmed he was involved in a gang."

"True. Nothing unusual in the stomach contents so far."

"Okay, well that's fine. I mean we can basically infer how this guy died. I mean, he was in a gang. It was probably during a fight with a rival gang. He got shot in the scuffle or it was a planned hit…"

"You're jumping to conclusions, Jane."

"What—no I'm not, Maura! He was a gang banger. He has a gun shot wound to the chest. It would stand to reason that it was probably having to do with his gang related activities."

"It could have been someone who was just angry with him, a family member" Maura countered. "You have no idea if—"

"I made you guess Maura Isles! You're assuming!" Jane yelled triumphantly, her finger pointed at Maura.

"No, I'm not, I'm just simply stating there could be other possibilities to show you that _you _shouldn't jump to conclusions," Maura said, defending herself, although she couldn't help but smile at Jane's excitement. If it was anyone else, she'd probably be annoyed…oh, gosh, there she was speculating again.

"Ok, whatever, Maur. All I know is I'm going to get more officers to patrol the known hang-out area of that gang he belonged to, try to get as much information as they can out of those filthy suckers. We're not really getting anywhere watching the area of the rival gang."

"They most likely won't give you any information, even if it would lead to catching their friend's killer. They wouldn't want the police to handle anything. They would want to take care of it all themselves, I'm sure. One time I read a book on the sociological behaviors of-"

"Yes, Maura. I know," Jane sighed, interrupting Maura before she got too caught up in her facts. "But we gotta do something." Jane pulled out her phone, her brows bent in concentration as her fingers flew over the keys.

"Should I make a reservation tonight at that Irish bar you like so much?" Maura asked. She tried to pose the question casually, because tonight she really wanted Jane to be happy. She wanted to go someplace Jane liked to eat, see her relaxed.

"Hmm—what?" Jane said, her head snapping up. "You _want_ to go there?"

"Well, you like it," Maura said, feeling a little embarrassed and hoping Jane didn't see the blood flooding into her cheeks. "And we haven't been there in quite awhile. We're always going out to the places I like to eat, so I thought we'd try that for a change. Because, well, you like it. I thought we'd try it again." Maura felt as though she was rambling, and was afraid to raise her head to look at Jane for some silly reason. She decided to turn around and hide herself, pretend she was suddenly invested in the dead body on her table. "So I'll make a reservation?"

Suddenly, she felt Jane's hand on her arm, swinging Maura around to face her. Jane's eyes were alight, and she had an amused grin on her face.

"Maur, you're rambling and repeating yourself. What's going on?"

"Nothing, Jane!" Maura could hear the way her voice went up when she said Jane's name. Nothing was wrong, except that she sounded hysterical. Why did Jane always have to catch onto her awkward moments.

"_Okay_," Jane said, releasing Maura's arm and backing off, but she still had an all knowing grin on her face. "You don't need to make a reservation there, Maura. They don't even _have _reservations to make. People just walk in there."

"Oh, well, okay, I just thought," Maura stammered out. What she really thought was that she needed to stop talking. Why was she so embarrassing today? And so sensitive?

Jane gave her a warmer smile. "It's fine. It's kind of a compliment to the restaurant actually that you'd think them sophisticated enough to take reservations."

Maura smiled. Jane chuckled a little to herself, turning away from Maura to walk out the morgue doors.

"Okay, well, I'll see you later. "

Maura watched Jane go, wishing she wouldn't leave, no matter how flustered she was right now. And thinking about how well those pants were fitting Jane today.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, I know it's been awhile, I apologize. Everything's been pretty busy lately. But I just wanted to get this chapter out here. It's a fun one: drinking and flirting and lots of sass ;) leave me some reviews! thanks.

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**Chapter Seven **

Jane couldn't figure out to wear. She never had this problem. And it wasn't like she was going on a date. Jeez, it was just Maura! She was being stupid, she knew, but she just didn't seem to like any of the cotton short sleeve shirts she saw in front of her. The ones she wore every day. So what was wrong with them? Probably that she wore them every day. Jane wanted to wear something more exciting tonight, which again was dumb, because they were going to a cheap place where everyone basically just wore t-shirts. There should be nothing special about this night. But for some reason, Jane couldn't shake the feeling that it was going to be, and she wanted to be prepared. She was self-consciously wearing the only fancy bra she owned—lacy and solid black. But no one was going to see that tonight. She didn't know why she felt the need. People were going to see her top though.

"Shit, _really_?" Jane shouted in her anger with herself, pushing aside a bunch of shirts in her closet.

Now in the far back of the closet a few pieces of clothing she never wore were exposed. Her eyes fell on a dark blue shirt that was sleeveless and shiny with a low neck line. She had bought it when shopping with Maura. Maura hadn't been able to stop going on about it. She had made Jane try it on. Jane reluctantly did, and at first found nothing special about it. It was alright, but she just shrugged at it like she did every outfit she ended up buying. In fact, the low dip of the neckline made her slightly uncomfortable, and she was ready to forget about the shirt. But Maura had barged her way into the dressing room to look at it, and she had said it looked beautiful. Jane looked beautiful in it. Jane had felt her cheeks flush, and after she had successfully kicked Maura out, she had looked at herself again with it on and had felt much more confident—maybe even beautiful. She had bought the shirt, but had never worn it. Maybe tonight was the night.

* * *

Maura had been watching the door for 22 minutes now. Jane was late. Jane was never late. Maybe something happened. No, nothing had happened. She sighed, annoyed at herself for always expecting the worst lately. She had started being worried when Jane was 12 minutes late. This place was noisy, and crowded and she didn't like being here alone, without Jane. She couldn't even chew the nuts in her nervousness, because she hadn't tested them for bacteria. And at this place, they were probably even more filthy than usual.

She craned her neck as the door pushed open again, and this time Jane walked through. Maura did a double-take because she had been expecting casual detective Jane, and what she was looking at was a dressed up Jane, a Jane she rarely saw. Jane only ever bothered to look like this when she was going on a date—which hardly ever happened.

Jane had spotted Maura right away, and was now close to her. Jane's hair was parted to the side, some of it pulled back with a bobby pin. She had on some eye shadow, and even some lip-gloss on her lips. She was wearing a pair of tight fitting jeans Maura had never seen, or at least she thought she must not have seen because she was stunned by how good Jane looked in them, especially as she turned her back to Maura to settle into the bar stool next to her. And that shirt she was wearing—that was the one they had picked out months ago while shopping! She had just loved it on Jane. It was the icing on the cake, really. Jane looked beautiful. Maura surprised herself with this thought. She had always thought Jane's features as pronounced and something to admire, but had never really thought of Jane in this way, in meaning the word "beautiful" as "very attractive", as in someone she was attracted to...

Jane turned to face her now, and Maura worked to make sure the surprise was wiped off her face. She did manage to get out the words: "Jane. You look stunning."

Jane eyes lit up and she nervously pulled at her shirt. Maura knew she was delighted at the comment, but being typical Jane, she dismissed it. Her friend could _never _take a compliment. "Oh, stop, Maura. I put on a pair of jeans and a slightly nicer shirt than usual. It's no big deal. I mean you're always in a dress." At this Jane chuckled. "Even _here."_

"Well, you got even more dressed up tonight than you do when we go to a very nice restaurant, Jane," Maura pointed out.

Jane's smile faded at Maura's words, her eyes wide with surprise. But that's not what shocked Maura. Jane was _blushing_. But why was she embarrassed? She couldn't recall ever seeing Jane blushing.

"I just—I felt like it, Maura. Alright?" Jane stammered, before turning away to hold up her hand to the bar tender.

Felt like it? Jane never felt like dressing up. It was a struggle to get Jane to wear a dress or something remotely nice whenever they attended the dinners and functions Maura got invited to.

"Can I have a vodka cranberry, please?" Jane said, hurriedly. She glanced quickly at Maura. "You know what, make that two."

"Jane! I don't want—" Maura started to protest. She rarely drank anything besides wine.

But Jane held up her hand, and Maura knew there was no arguing with her. "Maura, I need a drink. And they have good quality vodka, alright? Don't worry, they're not cheap with their alcohol."

"I'm not worried Jane. I just can't remember the last time I had a vodka cranberry. It's not something I normally drink. Neither do you—"

"Well tonight's different already, might as well keep trying new things," Jane said, almost muttering under her breath.

Maura thought about it and shrugged. Why not try doing things differently tonight? When Maura thought about it, it did feel like a night of possibility. And when the drinks came, she had to admit the vodka cranberry was quite delicious. She was also slightly uncomfortable and fidgety, she wasn't sure about what, and the vodka helped take that away. With the alcohol flowing through her veins she relaxed, just enjoying Jane's company, not focusing on all of the changes. She could tell the alcohol had the same effect on Jane, especially after the third round of the drinks.

They were laughing and talking freely, which was normal for them, it was just much more open than usual**. **Maura couldn't help admiring Jane's hair. When she actually attempted to tame it, it looked softer, less scraggly, and it ending up complimenting Jane's strong and pointed facial features very well.

Maura noticed that a strand had fallen in Jane's eye while Jane was telling Maura some story about a fellow detective, and Maura went to move it behind her ear, without hesitation. As Maura did this though, Jane stopped talking midsentence. Maura noticed her pull slightly back at first, But then she leaned in as Maura's fingers brushed against her ear, tucking the hair away.

Jane stared into Maura's eyes, just kept holding her gaze, and Maura didn't feel uncomfortable, like she would have felt having this eye contact with anyone else. She felt warm instead. She wanted to look into those chocolate brown eyes even longer, for there was always so much to see in them. But then Jane looked away suddenly, turning her attention back to the bar.

"Can we get another round, Frank?" She called out.

Maura put her hand on Jane's arm to stop her though. "No more for me, Jane." Jane barely glanced back at her as she called out, "Never mind, just….can I get a shot of tequila?"

"Just one?"

"Yea," Jane said, with a determined nod.

A shot of tequila? What was with Jane tonight, she was drinking like a riled up college kid.

"Well, I guess I'll be driving you home," Maura said, just to show Jane how she thought it to be irresponsible.

"Maura, I'll be fine. You don't have to," Jane said.

"No, I'm going to," Maura said more forcefully. This was serious. There was no way she was letting Jane drive home after consuming so much alcohol. "You're blood alcohol level will certainly be much too high for you to have good control of your motor functions, especially after that shot of tequila. You're leaving your car here."

"Alright, alright, Maura," Jane resigned with a sigh.

Jane started in on another story, only taking a break to drain the tequila shot in one swoop, not even showing a sign of the sure bitterness in left in her mouth. Maura had to comment on this.

"Wow, Jane. Looks like you've done a lot of those."

"What, tequila shots?" Jane said, raising her eyebrows. "Well, I mean, a long time ago. Back in my early twenties I drank this shit a lot. You can't be Italian and choke on your liquor."

Maura smiled at this, picturing a younger, more wild Jane. Come to think of it, she'd never really seen Jane drunk. Probably because it was pretty hard to get drunk off beer, Jane's frequent choice of drink.

"Hey, Maur, " Jane suddenly said, shifting in her seat with excitement. She had that look on her face she had when she was curious, and Maura braced herself for the question. "What were you like in your early years—like college? Can't picture you at a bar, slamming back shots of tequila," Jane said, chuckling.

Maura thought back to those says long ago. "Well, I was studying a lot. Or I was in training, doing clinical rotations."

"Never any late nights at the bar?" Jane joked.

"No, I—no," Maura said. Now, she was actually disappointed in her younger self, wishing she had something more exciting to please Jane with, surprise her. "No, not much of a social life. I guess I'm pretty boring."

She bowed her head. She didn't know why she was being so self-conscious about this. The steady routines of her earlier years, the time before she met Jane, hadn't bothered her before. But now she felt like this wasn't good enough, that she had been missing out, that she should have more to tell Jane.

Suddenly Maura felt a hand on her shoulder. Jane was looking at her with those intense eyes of hers. "Hey, you are not boring, Maura Isles," she said, a smile spreading across her face. "I don't hang with people who are boring. You know me, always needing stimulation."

Maura laughed a little at Jane's words, she couldn't help it.

"You're a very good stimulant, Dr. Isles. Trust me."

Jane's hand had moved to Maura's leg now. She squeezed it, and Jane's words and her touch sent a rush through Maura, like she herself had taken a stimulant. Now, they just held their position like this, holding each other's gaze.

She wasn't sure who would have broken the stare off first, but she never got to find out. Suddenly there was a tap on her shoulder, and both she and Jane looked at the figure who had suddenly appeared behind her.

"Hey there, love," the tall, light haired man said, with a crooked smile, his fingers resting on Maura's shoulder.

She couldn't feel Jane's touch anymore. She looked down to find Jane's hand back in her own lap. A rush of disappointment flew through Maura for some reason. She shrugged the man's hand off as politely as possible, not really in the mood.

"Hello," she said politely, nodding at the man. But then she made a point of turning back to Jane, trying to dismiss him. But the man pressed on.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He stared at Maura expectantly, seemingly confident she'd say yes.

But Maura didn't want a drink and she didn't want to be with this man.

"No, she's good," Jane's voice suddenly cut in.

Maura turned to see Jane's eyes burning a little, a trace of that same fire she got when handling suspects, that basically sent out the message: _I dare you. _Maura noted her body was now in a defensive position, arms crossed.

The man chuckled, obviously missing the heat that radiated from Jane. "Well, I think she can answer the question herself. "

Maura blurted out as quickly and calmly as she could, although she was pretty sure she wasn't mastering the calm part: "No thank you, sir. I've already had quite enough to drink."

The man grunted, a little taken back. But not done, oh no.

"A dance then?"

He grabbed her arm, more forcefully this time, squeezing her flesh and starting to yank her away. Maura immediately tensed, pulling away from him and trying to keep herself from falling off the stool.

"Please let-"

But before she could tell him to let her go, Jane was up like a flash, standing threateningly over the man.

"You let her go,_ right now,_" she growled.

"Woah, woah, there," the man said, letting go of Maura's arm hurriedly, and backing away, arms raised up high in surrender. "Calm down, just cool your jets, there."

Maura watched as Jane stood her ground as the man backed away to the other side of the bar. She stood protectively right beside Maura, her stance still menacing, her eyes still challenging.

Maura couldn't help but feel…proud, loved. Jane wouldn't let anybody cause Maura even the slightest bit of harm. She'd always known this in the back of her mind. However, now that Maura was seeing it so clearly, Jane so protective about something somewhat trivial, it seemed to be a revelation.

As Jane came back and sat down, fixing the man with one more glare, before turning to Maura and assessing her**, **Maura couldn't keep her eyes off Jane. She wanted to hug her, maybe more….that was just the alcohol talking, Maura thought shaking her head.

"You alright?" Jane asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes, Jane, I'm fine," she managed to stammer out, pushing images and desires far back in her mind.

**"**What an asshole," Jane said under her breathe. "I need a double, Frank."

"Coming right up."

Maura went to tell Jane she didn't think that was a good idea, but decided against it, seeing the way Jane was still tense with anger.

"Thank you," she whispered instead.

Jane turned to Maura, and her angry eyes softened.

She shrugged, "Don't thank me, no big deal."

As Jane went to take her shot, Maura reached out and touched Jane's arm, and before she could even think, the words were tumbling out of her mouth in an effort to lighten up the mood again.

"Jane, did I ever tell you about the time that I punched a man in the face and fractured his nose?"

"You did what?" Jane sputtered, almost spitting out the tequila.

Maura chuckled.

"Hey, Jane, you just choked on your liquor. I thought that was something an Italian should never do."

Jane turned to her, still wiping her mouth, and laughing even harder now.

"Wait, wait, Maura," she said, "Tell me about the time that you broke the guy's nose!"

Maura loved the way Jane naturally grabbed Maura's arm as she leaned forward in her laughter.

"Well, he told me he was going to 'take my heart when he was through'. I thought he was being literal. I'd been reading too many books on serial killers, I guess," Maura said with a grin. "So I acted quickly in defense, and I jabbed him in the nose because it would distract him while I got away."

As Jane let out a belly laugh, Maura couldn't help but think how she wouldn't mind if Jane did what that man truly planned on doing though—take her heart. In fact, it was possible Jane already had done so, and Maura had willingly given it up to her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: **Again, sorry for the wait. The last couple of weeks have been really crazy. But I am getting very into this story again, so keep your eye out for more frequent chapters (hopefully). Let me just say, I had SO much fun writing this chapter. I just love imagining drunk Jane, and all the sexual tension...enjoy! ;) And please review-it really encourages me to write more.

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**Chapter 8 **

Jane was pretty sure she was on her way to being drunk, something she hadn't been in years, not really. But she didn't care. She was safe with Maura, and overall it had been such a great night so far. She was so glad she had worn the shirt, even though it was embarrassing how Maura had pointed it out. But she had noticed how Maura kept staring at her, and in a good way—a desiring way. She didn't know what to make of it exactly, this was all new, but she liked it. Oh, maybe she was imagining things in her current state…but she didn't think so. Maura said she looked stunning._ Stunning_. Well, a friend could say that to a friend….but "stunning" was a pretty strong word.

Maura had been adorable tonight—more than usual—and funny—definitely more than usual. Jane always enjoyed Maura's company, but tonight just felt different. She felt a rush inside of her that she couldn't explain away as the alcohol. She couldn't believe she had called Maura a stimulant. Even now she chuckled to herself about it, incredulous. But it was the truth. That's what Maura was like to Jane. Just being around Maura lately, Jane could feel her heart beating faster, her mind racing, a crazy rush, a high**. **It was definitely most intense when she touched Maura though. When Jane had squeezed Maura's leg, she hadn't been thinking. She'd just done it, and she'd felt such a thrill that she couldn't explain. Which was strange, because she knew she had touched Maura's leg before, and hadn't felt the same way. It hadn't really ever been a big deal before.

The only thing that had been bad tonight was that stupid jerk who had tried to lay his hands on Maura. But she had shown him, boy**. **Jane knew she had overreacted just a little bit, but she couldn't help feeling angry about the man coming into _her_ space, trying to take _her _friend away. And no one had the right to approach Maura like that, treat her like that. Admittedly, there was probably more to Jane's reaction. When his grubby hand had grabbed Maura's arm, Jane couldn't help but have a slight flashback to the way her kidnapper had touched her, grabbed her. She shivered a little now thinking about it. Maura must have noticed, because she reached over to turn up the heat. Jane would focus on something else. Like how exquisite Maura's hands were…wait, what. God, how much did she have to drink tonight?

A couple of minutes later they were pulling into Maura's driveway. Jane was so relieved to be coming here to sleep, even more than usual for some reason.

Maura opened the door and Jane stumbled in. She lost her balance and giggled as she fell against the wall. Maura's arm shot out to grasp Jane's elbow, hold her steady.

"Woah, Jane," she said, but she laughed at Jane's goofy smile, giddiness.

Jane broke Maura's hold on her and practically skipped across the room, heading for the cabinets, for a bottle of red wine. She liked the buzz she was feeling, and wanted Maura to be at that level with her. She had the corkscrew out of the bottle by the time Maura came back to the kitchen after a quick run to the bathroom.

"Jane!" Maura scolded, as she ran up behind Jane. "Why are you opening a bottle of wine? Don't you think you've had enough to drink tonight?"

Jane smiled. She couldn't help loving when Maura was a little bit flustered, chastising her. Maura reached to grab the bottle, but Jane pulled it away so that Maura had to reach behind Jane, and then again so she had to reach across Jane to try and grab it. Jane laughed, delighting in the way Maura's body twisted around hers.

"Relax, Dr. Stiff! I just want to have one more glass with you. Cheers to a great night," Jane assured Maura.

Maura put her hands on her hips, but Jane noticed her slump a little, and smiled, knowing she had won the fight.

"Oh, alright. But Jane, since when do you drink wine?"

Jane laughed a little, not having thought about this. "Since I already have a few drinks in me I guess. And beer isn't going to do the trick."

Jane reached for the glasses, but Maura stopped her, laying a halting hand on her arm.

"Oh, no, I got this, Miss I-can't-walk-without-stumbling."

Jane laughed at Maura's joke, probably way more heartily than she normally would.

Maura raised a brow at her. "That funny, huh?"

"It was good, Maura. You made a good one."

Maura sighed as she poured the two of them each a glass. "I'm just worried you're going to get drunk."

"Going to get? Honey, I'm pretty much already there," Jane said, realizing for the first time that she was slurring her words.

Maura cast Jane an annoying glance, but it quickly softened as Jane flashed a grin at her**. **Jane's smile was so genuine, matching all of the feelings of happiness Jane felt from just being with Maura on this beautiful night.

They toasted and then sat on the couch together, sipping the red wine. Well, Maura sipped. But Jane couldn't help but drink hers down pretty fast. She did notice however that with each gulp, she felt the need to be closer and closer to Maura. They had started out facing each other on the couch, a good distance apart, but now they were practically sitting on top of each other, legs touching.

Maura's knee rested against Jane's thigh, and Jane liked the way Maura's skin rubbed against hers when she shifted her position. They were playing truth and dare, but it had ended up just being a game of truth, since dare was kind of tough to do at 3am and they were stuck in Maura's impeccably clean house. Not that Jane was complaining. She wouldn't mind being stuck in her forever, as long as Maura was sitting right across from her like this.

Truth was such a fun game to play with Maura, because Jane knew she wouldn't lie, wouldn't make something up in answer to Jane's questions—she just couldn't. Jane also knew she could make Maura elaborate more if she got her to drink more, so she poured increasingly more wine into Maura's glass, and drank less herself.

She noticed the effects it was having on Maura. The way her cheeks flushed a little redder, the way her motions were more loose, hands finding Jane's legs, Jane's arms. They kept touching each other more and more through the truths that stumbled out of their mouths increasingly easily with alcohol. Jane felt a never-ending need to keep reaching out and holding onto Maura somehow. Right now, she felt sparks between them from just sitting this close, and felt it even more when Maura reached out to touch her leg, or Jane found Maura's arm for a moment in her laughter. And Jane just wanted to keep getting that feeling.

At one point, Jane found herself staring at Maura's breasts**. **Even in her drunken state though, she knew when to rip her eyes away, before Maura really started to notice. And Maura's ass looked so shapely in that dress when she got up to go to the bathroom, and…what was wrong with her? Could this just be all the alcohol? I mean these were thoughts she was having over her best friend. But although, a part of Jane questioned and felt uncomfortable with it, a greater part of her relished in it, felt a kind of relief, as feelings and thoughts started to rush in that seemed to have been held back by a dam for quite awhile. Until now. Now, they were slowly streaming out, and Jane didn't think she wanted to put them back in place.

Mostly Jane couldn't stop staring at Maura's eyes. She felt a warmth in her chest, burning and growing stronger, at the love she saw in them.

* * *

Jane was taking a shower and Maura couldn't help but giggle as she listened to Jane's terrible singing. She liked drunk Jane. She was more forward, if that were possible, but she was also more loose, more fun. Maura knew she was seeing parts of Jane that she normally wouldn't see. And one of them was her horrible singing voice…well, she wasn't seeing it, she was hearing it.

Maura was quite drunk as well, probably letting her thoughts, her feelings, flow too freely. They shouldn't have had that last bottle of wine when they got home, but Jane was just so persuasive. And the truth game that came out of it had been lots of fun. She loved hearing all of Jane's embarrassing stories, her "truths", things Jane probably would never mention when she was sober. Maura had done the same, and Jane was an all too eager audience, often laughing hysterically at her. Maura could have been embarrassed or taken offense, but really she was just glad to hear Jane laughing so much, to hear her so happy again, relaxed. It had been awhile. Maura herself had felt the most at ease and content that she had been in a long while. And the stirrings of something else.

She couldn't help but notice the sharp curve of Jane's cheekbones that she now found herself thinking as gorgeous. And she had noticed for the first time that Jane had a graceful neck and she kept finding excuses to run her hand over Jane's because although her skin was rough, Maura found it soothing. She wanted to keep touching Jane's skin, to feel her nerves react to the sensation. There was some kind of electricity Maura felt running between Jane and herself whenever they made contact tonigh**t.** Maybe it was all of the alcohol, but Maura had been drunker than this before. And she hadn't ever felt the same way, not with anyone she had ever been with.

Jane's voice broke through Maura's deep thoughts. "Maura, Maura!"

Before Maura stopped to even think she burst through the bathroom door, an impulse. Jane was drunk, she was in a slippery shower, she was calling Maura's name, and this equaled…She stopped short when she saw Jane, who appeared just fine, standing naked in the shower.

"Bo baura, fi fy fo faura, Maura!" Jane sang, not noticing Maura's dramatic entrance.

Maura stood frozen, at first relieved Jane wasn't hurt, but than flustered as she took in Jane's beautifully shaped body. She knew that Jane had a nicely sculpted body before this, but she'd never seen Jane's complete bare backside. Maura found Jane's shoulder blades intriguing, and as she worked her eyes down Jane's body she found much more "intriguing" parts.

Jane suddenly looked over her shoulder and seeing Maura there she simply smiled. "Oh, hey, Maura!" she shouted. "Did you need to brush your teeth or something?"

Maura continued to stand there for a bit, shocked at how causally Jane was reacting to seeing Maura standing in the bathroom while she was naked.

"Um…no, Jane, I thought…" she stammered. Good god, she couldn't even think, and she couldn't keep her eyes off of Jane's body. Maybe that was the problem. She looked away, and blushed. "I thought that you needed me, that maybe you had slipped, because you were shouting my name."

Jane laughed loudly. "No, Maura, silly, I was singing! I was singing a rhyme!"

"Oh, okay, well…I'm just going to go then," Maura said, awkwardly pointing her thumb back towards the door. She was thankful that Jane hadn't turned fully around, because then Maura definitely wouldn't be able to find the words to speak.

"Okay!" Jane shouted excitedly. "See you in bed!"

That made Maura stop dead in her tracks for a second. Then she laughed. She threw herself down on the bad and laughed until thoughts of Jane and her in this same situation, but where everything was natural and casual, and they were sober…and together, filled her mind.

And then she just yearned. And she didn't find it all so funny anymore.

Maura lay on the bed in her silk pajamas, thinking and waiting for Jane to get out of the shower. Suddenly, Jane came stumbling out of the bathroom. Maura's mouth fell open as she took in the sight of Jane. Maura tried not to stare but she couldn't help it. Jane was making her way over to the bed without a shirt on, just a black-laced bra. The only thing that assured Maura that it was still Jane were the baggy shorts she wore. If Jane noticed her staring, she didn't seem to notice.

Maura didn't even think Jane _owned _a bra like that. Forget the bra, Jane's breasts were what should be given the attention. They had always seemed quite small in Jane's loose fitting shirts, but now Maura could see they were actually quite full and she liked looking at them. Really liked looking at them…in fact, it'd be nice to do more than look…Okay, maybe she had consumed more alcohol than she'd thought. Maura squeezed her eyes shut just so she'd stop staring before Jane noticed**. **She didn't want anything to be awkward between her and her best friend.

Jane tumbled into the bed, banging into Maura with force.

"Maur, it's so _hot,_" Jane whined. She threw off the blanket, but Maura noticed that Jane didn't move away from her and the body heat she was surely giving off.

"Is…is that why you're only in a bra, Jane?" She managed to get out, although she found it hard to think, let alone talk, with Jane's side pressed up against her like this, most of her skin exposed.

"Oh. Yea, it was too hot to wear a shirt," Jane slurred, looking down at herself.

Jane suddenly turned onto her side to face Maura, and Maura jumped a little at the sudden change and also at how close Jane's face was to her own.

"Truth or dare, Maur?" Jane asked, in quite a serious manner.

Maura couldn't help but smile at Jane's attempt to be serious, when she was so goofy in her drunkenness.

"Truth."

"Do you like sleeping with me?"

Maura's breath hitched. She knew that this question wasn't a big deal to Jane. In Jane's drunken mind, as she lay in the bed with Maura, it was probably just the first thing she had thought of. But in light of tonight's events and the places Maura's thoughts had been traveling, this question made Maura's heart beat faster.

But this was easy, right? She just had to answer truthfully, her specialty.

"Yes, Jane," Maura whispered. She was sure that wouldn't be interpreted by Jane strangely. Jane probably liked sleeping in the same bed as her too, it gave both of them comfort. True, Maura felt there was more than just comfort, companionship, for her behind this now, but Jane didn't need to know that. Maura was sure Jane wouldn't interpret it that way.

Just because she was nervous though, Maura started running through all of the reasons why she didn't like sleeping with Jane. "Except when you hog the covers, and kick me in the middle of the night, and when you snore because you have a cold, and…"

She stopped short, as Jane put a finger over her lips, silencing her. And also taking her breath away with the contact.

"No, shhh, Maura. You said yes, don't ruin it with all the insults," Jane giggled as she said this, but her voice was soft, and as Maura closed her eyes, she heard, or probably imagined, something more in Jane's voice than just casual teasing. And she imagined that Jane's touch on her lips was Jane's mouth, and not just her finger.

She opened her eyes when Jane jerked her finger away, breaking her reverie. She found Jane even closer to her face than before.

"So can I always sleep here? Like forever?" Jane whispered, and Maura couldn't tell if she was serious or not. Jane's eyes were glassy, and clearly she was drunk. But there was no hint of teasing—no smirk on her lips, and her voice was even lower, more level. Maura lay frozen, not knowing what to say. She stared, wide-eyed in the dark.

Then Jane gave Maura a small smile. Her lips were so near. Maura had never noticed how pink they were, how inviting This just made the yearning that had started in Maura's chest even more powerful, so she quickly turned away onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

"Yes, of course," she muttered, turning back to give Jane a smile. Therefore, she figured, Jane could interpret this as Maura joking—playing along with Jane's game, or just being polite…or whatever else…Maybe even what Maura kept thinking about that she was sure Jane didn't.

She heard Jane shifting next to her and felt a weight settle onto her shoulder, and Jane's knees grace the side of Maura's left leg. Maura couldn't help but grin. She turned over to look at the messy head of black curls, still dripping wet from the shower and getting Maura's top damp. Surprisingly, Maura found she didn't mind her top was getting soaked.

She remembered the last time Jane had done this, had lain her head on Maura's shoulder. It was the last night Jane had startled a night terror and had sought comfort, shivering from fear.

Maura shook her head to clear the memory, glad that it was all under different circumstances now. This was a happy Jane—drunk, but happy. Thankful and glad, Maura kissed the top of Jane's head, still acting on her impulses with the alcohol coursing through her body.

Jane turned to look up at her smiling a little deliriously.

"That's nice."

Maura chuckled, not knowing what to say. Instead she found herself turning to face Jane, wrapping her arms around her. Jane's head still resting on her chest, they fell easily into a dreamless sleep.

Sometime in the night, Maura woke up to find Jane facing away from Maura, shivering. Maura pulled the blanket back up over Jane. Then without thinking too much about it, Maura pressed her body against Jane's back, wrapping her arms around her, and tucking her knees behind Jane' felt Jane's body stop shaking. When her arms reached up and closed around Maura's, Maura couldn't help but smile. Maura fell back to sleep rather quickly, a smile still gracing her lips.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! :) They've been encouraging me to get more wrapped up in this story and post more. So, I know this might not be exactly what you guys were hoping for in the morning after, but all of this angst will make it all the more worth it later on, don't worry.

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**Chapter 9 **

Jane was confused as to where she was when she woke up. She sat up in a daze. Everything was dark and hard to make out. She stared at the light streaming in from the window and it blinded it her. She quickly threw her hand over her eyes. What the hell?

"Why can't I _see_?" Jane practically shouted, covering her eyes in her frustration.

She heard a door open and Maura's voice.

"Jane, you're simply dehydrated. I'll get you some water."

Wait, she was at Maura's? She was at Maura's, okay, well that made sense. And she was dehydrated…which in normal people terms means hungover…and last night…_Oh, my god. _

All of last night came rushing back to her, and she lay back down on the bed, groaning. She heard Maura's footsteps coming back from the kitchen. Jane looked down at herself, only now remembering that she was solely wearing a bra, and ran to grab a shirt from the dresser, then flew quickly into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned back against the door, her hand to her forehead.

"Fuck," she said, something she normally made sure not to say within a 2 mile radius of Maura.

A few seconds later she heard a knock at the door and jumped. "Jane, I'll leave your water on the bedside table, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks, Maura," Jane yelled back, trying to sound normal. Normal, yeah right.

The images of last night, the feelings, flew through her mind and she just couldn't believe it. She didn't know how she felt, but she sure didn't feel good about herself right now.

As she got ready for work, Jane went through all of the things she had done wrong only in the last 12 hours. First of all, she couldn't believe how much she drank last night. That's probably where half of her problems stemmed from. And she kicked herself for forcing Maura to drink more than she usually did-what kind of a friend was she? And goddamnit, her car wasn't even here. Jane had to go pick it up at the bar, because like a total loser she was too drunk to drive home and had to leave it there.

The word stimulant suddenly ran through her mind. Oh, god, she had called Maura her stimulant. Who the hell says something like that? Who cares if it's true, you don't tell someone that, especially your best friend…speaking of which, you probably shouldn't be attracted to your best friend's breasts or ass either. Jane slapped her hand over her eyes as she remembered the way she had stared at Maura's boobs and butt, thinking Maura wouldn't notice. What an idiot! Jane had been plastered, she couldn't have been as sneaky as she thought she was being. If Maura saw her doing that…oh god, she had to get out of this house. She had to think all of this over, but definitely not at the scene of the crime, and not anywhere near Maura.

Jane ran out into the bedroom, grabbed her watch and phone sitting on the bedside table and dialed a taxi as she slid into her crinkled jacket that had been lying on the floor. She could call Frankie or someone but then she'd have to explain things she didn't want to explain, and a cab was just better all around. She looked around the room as she booked her cab, making sure she noted that she was Boston PD and he should get over here ASAP. Oh god, Maura must be freaking out, Jane thought as she saw her clothes and things from last night scattered all over the floor. Look at what a mess she had made—of everything.

Slamming her phone shut, Jane roughly ran her hands through her tangled hair, stomping her foot in frustration at herself. She just couldn't stand here and wait right now. Her thoughts slipped back to all of the feelings she had had for Maura last night, the attraction she had felt that she couldn't describe or control. Why did Jane feel this way about her best friend? Why was this all coming on now? Had she always felt this way and now it was just coming to the surface? Oh, who cares how she felt, it all depended on how Maura felt, and Maura probably didn't feel the same way at all. Why would she be attracted to Jane?

She collapsed on the bed sighing. Jesus, Jane had been way too forward last night. She thought about the way she had touched Maura's leg at the bar. Maura had been touching Jane more than usual as well, but it was probably just the alcohol. Jane remembered thinking she saw love in Maura's eyes when she held her gaze as they sat on the couch. At the time, she had interpreted this as Maura feeling the same way she did, something more, something fuller than the love of friends, but that could have easily just been the love Maura had for Jane as a _friend_, nothing more. Jane had probably just been projecting her own feelings onto Maura.

She looked towards the bathroom door and cringed. The worst part by far was how Jane had reacted when Maura came into the bathroom. Well, actually the problem was that she _hadn't _reacted. She guessed drunk Jane didn't mind Maura seeing her naked, or even _wanted _her to see her naked.

Jane groaned, slapping her forehead again.

First of all, she was an idiot for singing Maura's name which probably sounded like shouting because she couldn't sing for her life. Of course, Maura would come into the bathroom—with her idiot drunk ass in there, who knows what kind of trouble she could end up in. And then Jane had acted like seeing Maura while she was naked was the most natural thing in the world, while clearly Maura was uncomfortable. Even drunk, Jane had noticed how flushed Maura's cheeks were, how antsy she had been. I mean, if Maura liked Jane in that way why would she back out of there as fast as she could?

And what was Jane thinking when she came out of the bathroom without a shirt on? And went to bed like that, lying so closely next to Maura. Jane knew how Maura was about modesty. She had probably been uncomfortable with Jane in just a bra and had put up with it because Jane was clearly drunk. It was true Jane had been hot, but Jane knew something else must have been going on subconsciously there in her mind. So Maura had seen her backside, as well as basically her boobs. And all in one night. Just wonderful.

And god, Jane couldn't even remember all of the embarrassing stories she had told Maura—although she figured that wasn't such a big deal because Maura was her best friend. It was just the icing on the cake. What Jane really couldn't get over is why she had asked Maura if she liked sleeping with her. _Really?_ Jane herself wasn't sure what she had meant by that question. All she knew is that it had made Maura uncomfortable or annoyed or something because she had turned away from Jane. But then Jane hadn't stopped there, oh no. Instead, she had asked Maura if she could always sleep with her. Jane could start to reason this question a little bit, because she did love sleeping with Maura. Sleeping at her house the last couple weeks, well it was the best Jane had slept in years, at least since the night terrors about the kidnapping stopped. She wasn't haunted in her dreams by the people she hadn't gotten justice for, hadn't saved, when she lay next to Maura. But what else had she meant by that question? Was there more to it, to her thoughts, about sleeping forever with Maura? Jane was pretty sure friends didn't ask that question. Maura had probably been uncomfortable or uncertain as to what she was asking. Then Jane had the nerve to snuggle up with her. What a complete _idiot! _Although, Maura had kissed her head after…but she had just been being a friend! Jane needed to stop reading Maura's feelings as corresponding with her own. And what was with her own feelings anyway?

Jane threw herself off the bed, because she couldn't stand lying here where all of it had occurred**. **She couldn't handle being around Maura right now. She was too embarrassed over last night, confused about how she felt, how Maura felt. She needed to think more, and she couldn't think straight in this goddamn house.

She glanced out the window, sighing in relief at the sight of the taxi in the driveway, and stormed out of the bedroom, hoping to god Maura didn't notice her. Maybe she was down the hallway somewhere? A girl could dream.

But boy did Maura notice. She'd been standing at the stove and whipped around at the sound of Jane's stomping across the hardwood floor. Jane chanced a glance at Maura's face and wished she hadn't. Maura looked surprised, standing there with a spatula in her hand, trying to assess Jane.

The sound of Maura's soft voice calling Jane's name in confusion almost halted Jane in her tracks. Almost.

Jane didn't mean to, but in all her frustration with herself, she slammed the door shut on her way out.

* * *

Maura hated all of the confusing thoughts running through her head right now. This morning, Jane had left in a hurry, without a word to Maura. She had even called a cab—why go through the trouble of all that? Maura had tried calling Jane on her cell soon after she left, just to see why Jane had run out the door so fast, maybe there was a logical reason, but Jane hadn't picked up. Jane almost always picked up, or at least she called back quite quickly. Maura knew Jane must be avoiding her. This was something Jane had rarely done.

Maura was left with confusion and a bittersweet taste in her mouth after last night. She had hoped to talk to Jane at breakfast, establish normalcy then, or maybe talk about some of the things that had occurred…but Jane's disappearing act had thrown a kink in Maura's logical plan. Now, Maura's emotions were getting the best of her, and Maura really hated that lack of control that came with this whirl of emotions.

She nervously tapped her hands on the steering wheel as she drove hurriedly to work. Knowing what Jane was thinking would calm these nerves. She thought of all of the foreign feelings about Jane she had felt stirring inside of her last night. Or maybe they weren't so foreign. They had felt familiar in a way, like she had just hidden them behind logic and reasoning for some time, and now the feelings were breaking free. Maura hated to think it, but she reasoned that Jane probably hadn't been feeling the way she herself had last night, although Jane had appeared to at certain times. Much of Jane's behavior could be explained away by her drunkenness. For example, Jane had kept touching Maura as much as Maura touched Jane, but that was a common occurrence when alcohol was affecting behavior. Jane in the bathroom was another good example. Jane's drunkenness had led to her being at the time unable to be embarrassed at her friend seeing quite a full view of her naked body. Jane had acted quite ridiculously because of her great consumption of alcohol**. **Therefore, Maura theorized that sober Jane was just embarrassed at recollecting drunk Jane's activities last night—that's what was making her stay away from Maura—yes, of course. Maura had seen quite a bit of Jane's body, and maybe Jane was just a little self-conscious about that now.

Speaking of Jane's body, Maura wondered if Jane had noticed that Maura had flushed red after seeing her half-naked. What if she had been displaying signs of attraction to Jane's body and Jane had noticed them? Maura was quite sure Jane had no secret intentions behind asking Maura about if she liked sleeping with her, and if she could sleep there forever, but these questions had meant so much to Maura and now Maura wondered if her hesitation before answering, how uncomfortable she had been, was noticeable to Jane. What if sober Jane had begun running back through the memories and realized Maura's true feelings, her attraction? And that was really the reason why she was staying away from Maura now? Because Jane didn't feel the same way, and it was weird for her, and…

Maura noticed the red light at the very last minute, almost slamming into the car in front of her. She felt herself start hyperventilating, but then took slow breaths. She needed to calm herself if she intended to get to the station in one piece and discuss all of last night with Jane. She just really needed to know what Jane was thinking. Maura desperately hoped Jane was just embarrassed because of her own actions, not Maura's. She didn't want Jane figuring out Maura's attraction to her. She didn't want to cause any strain in their friendship, a relationship which was so very important to her.

Maura had to pull over on the side of the road because as the thoughts ran through her mind of nights and days without Jane, so lonely, she found it more and more difficult to breathe.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much for the reviews-some of them were so amazing lol. I felt like I needed to post something for you guys since it's been awhile. I'm a little hesitant to though, because I don't know when I'll be able to publish the next chapter and I don't think you guys are going to be particularly happy with the ending of this one...but stick with me, there's a reason for all of this. Trust me, none of this has been easy for me to write.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Jane couldn't get her mind off last night no matter how much she tried to submerge herself in the facts and tasks of cracking the case she was working. Frost and Korsak had definitely noticed she was even more distracted than she had been the last couple of weeks. At first they had teased her, but then there was a sudden halt to this. It had stopped around the time that Jane told Frost to run down to the morgue and see if Maura had anything. Now, they just left her alone or acted concerned, and Jane much rather preferred the teasing. She paced around the station, unable to sit still at her desk, unable to sit with the memories of last night, especially the feelings that painted them.

She hadn't seen Maura all morning and she'd like to keep it that way. God, what was she going to do tonight though? She'd have to face her at some point. True, she didn't have to sleep at Maura's place, but she'd still have to get her things. Jane practically lived over there now. And Jane found that despite all her embarrassment about what had happened last night, she still longed to share a bed with Maura tonight. She knew what awaited her in a bed she'd have to sleep in alone: night terrors and cold sweats.

So she guessed she'd have to talk to Maura today eventually. But for now, Jane just couldn't face her. She was still thinking it all over, and truthfully the more she thought about it and her head cleared from her hangover, the worse it got. Her realization of her attraction to Maura kept jumping up and hitting her on the side of the head. But the blow that stunned her even more was the idea that Maura most likely did not feel the same way. What was she going to do? She was probably just going to have to live with her feelings about Maura, bury them deep somewhere. She couldn't risk losing her best friend, the person who kept her as sane as Jane could possibly be.

Jane groaned, falling back into her desk chair, her hand over her eyes. _Goddamn it! _She sighed and turned to the growing stack of papers on her desk, and strained to focus on the case, to act professional.

"So, Jane, we've been doing a sweep around the guy's neighborhood since yesterday afternoon," Frost said, coming up to Jane's desk. "Think we must have scared most of his gang away. We caught a few members, but they wouldn't give us any info. They just seemed pissed we were there trying to figure their brother's murder out."

"Figures," Jane muttered. "That's what I was afraid of."

Frost nodded.

"_God_, you'd think they'd at least cooperate with us at least a little bit! One of their guys is dead."

"Well, they always hate the police. They don't want our help, they want to take—"

"Take care of it themselves, I know. Shit, in some ways these cases are the most difficult. Dealing with the most hard headed bastards—"

She stopped short when she saw Maura coming through the doorway, a deer in headlights. Well, there was no place to hide, that was for sure. Maura headed straight for Jane's desk—well, of course. Jane turned away and tried to make herself look busy, but she felt Maura's presence when she stood next to her bearing over her, so hard to ignore.

"Hi, Jane. Would you like to get some lunch?"

Jane kept her head down so she wouldn't have to look at Maura's face. She didn't want to see what was written there. But she was asking her for lunch, so maybe things weren't awkward? Or maybe Maura wanted to talk to her about what happened last night, and Jane couldn't face that just yet. She kept staring at the files at her desk, avoiding Maura's gaze.

"Uh, I can't Maura. Stuck on this case," she shrugged. "You know how it is."

"Oh, okay, well, I'm….I'll just go then. I haven't found any new evidence either."

Jane nodded, still not making eye contact. "Okay," she said. God, what kind of a response was that? And was it in her head or did Maura sound a little upset? Jane couldn't bear to think she had caused that. Even in her stubbornness not to look at Maura, she lifted her head up to make sure she was okay.

Maura was making her way through the door, at an unusually fast pace. Yeah, running away from her. Jane sighed for the fiftieth time that morning.

* * *

Maura practically ran away from Jane's desk. After being dismissed and ignored by her best friend, she just couldn't help it. She felt like she was in high school again, asking Jim who she thought quite handsome out to the prom, but he had turned her down, barely looking at her. All of the people around her either looked at her with pity, or laughed. And she ran into the girl's bathroom so nobody could see her tears.

Yes, she was 17 all over again, as she ran into the lady's room. She quickly locked the stall door, and leaned against the side. Maura knew she was overreacting, but she also knew undoubtedly now that Jane was most certainly avoiding her, and this didn't seem like it was going to end anytime soon. First of all, Jane had sent Frost down to the morgue this morning. She thought at the time that maybe Jane had had to run out on some new information last minute, but she knew that Jane would still have made it there first before she left. Or she'd let Maura know what was going on, where she was going. Well, typically. Apparently not after last night. Jane couldn't even _look _at Maura. Maura was starting to suspect that this wasn't just Jane being embarrassed over being drunk. No, this was way too strong of a reaction. She theorized that someone would only avoid their best friend to this extent if they were angry with them, or so confused about their friend's actions, they didn't want to, or know how to be with them. Either option was awful. Jane probably was putting all of Maura's actions together from last night, realizing Maura's attraction to her, maybe even more quickly than Maura had. And clearly it made her uncomfortable, which would lead to the conclusion that Jane didn't feel the same way. Maura bit her lip as silent tears fell. Then angry at herself, she swiped them away, slamming open the bathroom stall and walking to the mirror to put her face back together.

* * *

After seeing Maura, Jane needed to get out of this precinct and get some action. That was probably the only way she'd be able to clear her head a little. She decided to rile up her dead guy's gang a bit more, see if she could get them to spout out some information she could use. That was the only way she was going to get anything on this kid and how he'd died.

She drove through the run-down neighborhood, keeping her eye out for the gang's colors and a too confident walk. She pulled over at the sight of a man who fit this description, multiple tattoos running up and down his arm, a switchblade visible in his pocket. Who else knew what he was packing?

She felt a rush as she parked the car a block ahead of the guy. She watched him, hopped out when he was close, and started walking casually towards him. He was less than a foot from her when she yelled, "Police!"

He turned to run, but she stuck out her foot tripping him. She stuck her boot on top of his chest. He tried to scramble up, but she had pinned him. His dark eyes were wide for a second, than flashed with anger.

"What you want?"

"Where you running to? I just want to talk."

She pulled him up off the ground with all of the rage and built up frustration she had today, pinning his face against the wall, his arms behind his back. She searched his pockets, surprisingly only coming up with the knife that she had already seen.

"I'm a homicide detective investigating the murder of one of your members, and this seems to be the only way I can talk to anyone about what happened to him."

"Man, I ain't in no gang—"

"Save it. I said 'member', there was no mention of a gang in my word choice. You just gave yourself away there."

She fished for the photo of her dead guy, lying on a slab in the morgue, and threw it in the guy's face. "He look familiar to you?"

The guy's eyes lit up a bit. Jane could tell by his face he was going to lie though, so she pushed the side of his face into the brick with force and he shaped up.

"Yes, okay, yea! I know him."

"Name?"

"Little Bear."

Jane heaved a sigh. "Real name?"

"Eduardo…Mendez I think."

"Okay, good," Jane said with a patronizing tone. "Now, what I want to know, is why he was shot and killed?"

"Listen, man, I don't know nothing."

"Yes, you do," Jane growled in his ear, automatically pushing him up harder against the wall.

"Some guys have told me he was in _their _territory."

"The other asshole gang you're always fighting with—their turf?"

The guy furrowed his eyebrows, gritted his teeth. "Yeah. Don't know why he was there, may have been just testing them. We think they saw him, followed him, and picked him off. Pretty easy to figure out, _detectiv_e."

"Yeah, I pretty much inferred all that, asshole. But I need evidence. Any witnesses to this?"

"Man, I don't—"

She threw her weight into him, pushing him harder against the wall, only letting go a bit, when the words came again.

"Okay! Yeah, a couple of our guys saw it happen. They drove by in a black sedan, shot out the window. Little Bear got hit. Through the car window they could make out their colors. Knew it was those assholes, but they didn't see any faces or nothing."

"I'll need names of the people who saw this," Jane demanded with a small smile, glad she was making at least some kind of headway in one part of her life.

* * *

Maura was pacing back and forth in her office. She had stopped even trying to do work hours ago. Now it was six, almost time to go home. She had made up her mind that she really just needed to talk to Jane. No matter how scared she was, this was a necessity. She needed things to be back to normal and talking was the only way they were going to achieve this. All of this was making her so anxious that she was fidgeting. She felt terrible, her stomach tying up in knots, not knowing what Jane was thinking. Maura thought the uncertainty was the worst of it. She had to know what Jane thought of her, the feelings she had about last night. Maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought it was. These more positive thoughts gave her enough steam to make it up to the precinct.

She walked quickly into the room before she lost her nerve. The detectives were making up a board, talking among each other and busy running around. It seemed to Maura that they were finally making progress. She spotted Jane almost immediately. She looked amped up, the look she got after interrogating a suspect or chasing perps on the street. Jane looked up at the sound of Maura's heels and for just a second, Jane's fiery eyes met Maura's and Maura was able to get lost in them, feel the chills up and down her spine she got whenever Jane looked that way. For some reason, this amped-up Jane always gave her a rush, and she realized now that it had probably always been a feeling of attraction she had just ignored.

Those eyes of Jane's changed quickly though. After taking in the sight of Maura, the fire snuffed out. She was suddenly grabbing her cell and jacket. Maura thought for just a second that maybe Jane had read Maura's mind, knew as well as she did how much they needed to talk. But Jane walked right past Maura on her way towards the elevators.

She barely gave Maura a nod, and her voice was even lower than usual when she said, "Hey, Maura."

Maura just stood there shocked for a second at the way Jane had passed her by, barely greeted her, like she was someone she barely spoke to. She felt sadness rising up again, pain, but she pushed that down and let the anger at being basically ignored build for a second. With this new found energy, she flew into the elevator with Jane just as the doors shut.

"Jane, we need to talk," she said, as forcefully as possible.

"Not now, Maura. I just—I can't," Jane said wearily, not even chancing a glance at her.

Maura noticed how Jane was drawing circles around the scars on her palms, something she only did when something was really bothering her.

Maura sighed. She tried to be calmer, gentle. "Look I know last night was quite strange, and a lot happened, and, I just—Jane I think we'd both feel much better if we talked."

Jane began to turn towards Maura, and Maura thought she might say something, but then the doors opened and Jane flew out, like a trapped bird, finally free to fly away.

But Maura just couldn't let Jane go. "Jane!" she called, running as fast as she could after her in heels, but Jane ignored her, kept walking forward. "Jane!" she called louder, hearing the deep emotion in her own voice, the desperation. She briefly noticed how everyone seemed to be turning to look at her now.

Even Jane slowed as she made it out the precinct doors, turning around a little. Maura took advantage of this, and ran quickly out of them to meet her. Maura couldn't really read Jane's face though—she just looked torn.

"Jane, listen to me please." She touched Jane's arm, as she said this. Huge mistake. Jane flew off again at her touch, moving so fast down the steps and onto the sidewalk.

Maura halted for a second on the stairs. She felt a sudden dreaded feeling form in the pit of her stomach, a feeling of loss. Like she was going to lose Jane if she didn't follow after her. This sent her hurrying down the steps after Jane.

She was beginning to catch up with her. "Jane, _please_, I need to know what you're thinking. I can't stand not knowing." Something was building up inside her, all of these feelings she reasoned, and she needed to let them all out. Before she even thought about the words, they were pouring from her lips. "I'm scared, Jane. I just feel so much."

Jane started slowing her pace. She turned towards Maura as the last words fell, her eyes wide with surprise, but Maura knew that if she tried to read anymore of Jane's expression she might lose the nerve and the time to say what she needed to.

"I feel," she began, but the sound of a roaring car engine caught her attention, made her turn. She saw a car speeding out of a parking space. She didn't know why, but that feeling of loss was getting wider, spreading everywhere now. Understanding hit her like a punch in the stomach as she watched that same car begin to slow as they drove past the precinct, a gun hanging out of its window, pointing…pointing over here…at Jane.

Maura's body reacted before her mind did, with an instinct she could only describe as needing to protect, to save Jane. She didn't calculate herself into the equation.

The air around her was moving so fast, she was crossing the distance between her and Jane, slamming into Jane's body with such force, her hands desperately pushing Jane towards the asphalt, safe from harm.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **I noticed that some people in the last chapter didn't seem to be understanding Jane's feelings and thoughts about Maura, so I tried to make this more clear in this section by adding to it. Hopefully, it reads smoothly. I know this is really hard to read, and trust me it wasn't fun to write, but this is where my characters led me to-I know this probably doesn't make sense/sounds weird to a lot of people, but basically it's what needed to happen in this story for it to progress a certain way I guess. Sorry for all the heartache, but bear with me. I think you guys will be happy with the end results of this situation (hopefully). Please let me know what you think in reviews! And thank you for the ones I received recently, some of them were especially nice to read :)

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Maura.

She had flown so suddenly into the room and Jane had been blown away. She had been focusing on a case and then Maura was standing there and all she could think about was her. And how beautiful she was.

Then Jane was running. She couldn't be here. She just couldn't handle talking about this right now. She could face psychopaths and knives and guns but she couldn't face her best friend knowing that she was attracted to her, knowing that Maura most likely knew of her attraction.

She couldn't ruin it all. She couldn't.

So she ran. She knew it was irrational and cowardly. But she couldn't face herself right now, and she was afraid of what Maura would say—she had come into the room with such force.

But Maura was relentless.

She followed Jane into the elevator and Jane thought she might break. It was so overwhelming, and there it was, those four words: we need to talk. The words Jane dreaded. When Maura said they'd feel better if they talked, Jane almost wanted to give in. Maybe it would all be okay, maybe…but then the elevator doors flew open and she was running from the only thing in life she really wanted. She could live without having all of Maura, but she needed at least some of her, at least their friendship, and Jane was afraid of her own emotions right now, afraid that she'd say something she'd regret, something that would make her lose it all. She just needed to collect her head. She needed to—Maura was calling her and she sounded so…desperate. Jane's heart lurched and she automatically turned. She wanted to run, but Maura looked upset. She wanted to make it all better, but she didn't know what to say. There she was making Maura distraught again. Story of her fucking life. She was always hurting people without meaning to.

Maura told Jane to listen, touched her arm. That touch. Jane was melting from it and she needed to get away before she poured it all out for Maura, all of what she felt. Maura wanted her to listen, she looked so upset. She looked like she was going to confess something—God, what if she didn't think they should be friends anymore, that it was just too weird with the way Jane clearly felt. Jane knew she was being ridiculous, but all of these insecurities were eating her from the inside so she kept running…but when Maura said those words, those words that described just what Jane was feeling, she automatically turned. _I'm scared, Jane. I just feel so much. _Everything seemed to slow down. She was focusing on Maura, getting lost in those eyes. Could she be seeing love in them, or was that her wishful thinking? Jane didn't hear anything else around her. The whole world was blocked out.

Then Maura was flying towards her and she didn't understand, Jane reached out her arms to catch her, but Maura was pushing her, pushing her towards the hard ground, literally knocking Jane off her feet. They were heading for asphalt and Jane didn't understand.

And then she heard the gunshot and she didn't want to.

Jane felt herself hit the pavement hard, unable to protect herself because she didn't put her arms out in time. It all had happened so suddenly. Her cheek burned as she hit the pavement, but the pain quickly dulled as she tried to focus on more important things. Like was there pain she felt anywhere else? She didn't. Either that was good, or that was very bad—the wound could be so terrible that her body was preventing her from feeling anything. But that didn't coincide with the way Jane was able to lift herself quite easily—okay, maybe not so easily. She stopped trying to come up to her knees because Maura was still a dead weight, half of her body lying on Jane.

Wait, why wasn't Maura moving?

"Maura?" she called hopefully, but heard nothing in response.

As panic started to set in, Jane opened her eyes wide and saw red. So much blood. Her heart was now pounding with adrenaline, with dread, but she fought against her anxious body's urge to shoot up off the ground. Instead, she gently lifted herself up, making sure Maura slid as slowly as possible off her, then she whipped around. She took in the sight of her worst nightmare—Maura lying so still, broken on the ground in front of her. Jane just stared in horror. Her eyes took in the sight of the gaping hole in Maura's upper back. Blood poured out so fast, and Jane couldn't stand to look at any of it, and she needed to see Maura's face, needed to see her eyes blinking, a face full of life. So she flipped her around as gently as she could, lying Maura's head on her lap. The hole was still there, and all of the blood, and Jane desperately pressed her hands against the wound trying to make it stop, make it all stop. But the blood kept coming. Her scarred hands would just ruin everything she was sure. They seemed to destroy everything they touched. She wouldn't be able to stop the life from pouring out of Maura with these hands. She panicked more and more. Her eyes swam with tears, and she couldn't goddamn see clearly. Nothing was clear. Jane heard a desperate voice shouting, calling Maura's name, and calling for an ambulance.

She looked down at Maura's face swimming in her blurry vision. Maura's eyes were wide, and Jane found herself staring at them, not being able to do anything, as the life, the light in them started to fade. And that scared Jane more than anything she'd ever seen, even more than the blood that just kept coming from Maura's small body, never-ending, like a waterfall. God, how much could she afford to lose? She grabbed Maura's face with a bloody hand in her desperation.

"Stay with me", she whispered earnestly, bent over so Maura would be sure to hear.

She stroked her cheek, leaving terrible red streak marks on Maura's perfect skin. Maura's eyes began to flutter shut, Jane was starting to be unable to see them. She pressed both her hands, all her weight, to stop Maura's life from flowing out even more from her body. _Maura, Maura, Maura _kept running through her mind. Occasionally, the word _no _echoed along with it. She thought she also heard it in a voice outside of her head, but maybe that was just her imagination.

Suddenly, there were people around her, other hands touching her Maura, and she hated that they were touching her. Only Jane could touch her. She felt herself fighting off a steady arm, and then slowly letting herself fall against it, so weary.

She squeezed all of the energy she had left into Maura's hand, which she refused to let go of, no matter how many hands tried to pry her away. It was the only way she could stay connected to Maura and she wouldn't let her go. She wouldn't. Wherever Maura went, she was going. Jane wouldn't let her out of her sight again. She would never walk away from her again.

At one point the word _Maura_ that had been swirling around in her head repeatedly, started being replaced with the phrase _my world. _They were interchangeable in meaning for Jane.

* * *

Pain seared through Maura's shoulder from behind, slicing through everything it felt like, as she landed on top of Jane on the concrete. Jane's body was warm against hers._ Jane._

She was assured Jane was fine when she felt her squirming below, moving with ease. Jane was alright, which meant that although the pain was quite unbearable, Maura was alright. Suddenly, she was sliding, but she quickly found herself lying on something comfortable. Jane's unruly head of hair fell above Maura's face. She felt pressure on the place where the pain throbbed continuously. This made it a little more bearable. Maura could barely hear anything. It sounded to her like the gunshot was still coming at them, coming through her, even though she knew there was no logic behind this. And she could hear the sounds of her rapid breath, the rush of blood in her eardrums. And amazingly she could also make out Jane's beautiful, deep, rich voice. But it sounded so broken, raw with emotion right now. Maura picked out her own name in Jane's words, and just tried to concentrate on this. Although it was hard to see anything, Maura held onto the sight of Jane's worried face above her, trying to focus on those gorgeous eyes. Maura knew that she could not be in good shape, guessing on where she had been hit and the amount of pain she felt, a pain that was slowly fading. However, she couldn't help but be somewhat content. It was going to be okay, she felt okay, because Jane was okay. She had saved Jane from getting hurt. Jane was going to be fine, and that made Maura herself fine.

She could swear, even in her current depleting state, that she could hear love in Jane's voice, see it floating in Jane's eyes, feel it pulsing through Jane's healing hands, feel it deep into her body. Suddenly, Maura was so very certain: Jane loved Maura the way Maura loved Jane—a deep, passionate, unbreakable love, even stronger than that of friendship**. **Maura was so sure of it because she could feel it all around her. Because of this, over all of the pain, happiness triumphed. She felt her lips pulling in what she hoped looked something like a smile.

But why had it taken this moment for her to see it, for Jane to express it, for everything to start falling into place? Why this moment, while she lay here with time slipping more and more quickly away from her? Why now, when Maura wasn't even sure she and Jane had any time left together? The happiness was receding, replaced by sorrow, such sorrow. Everything was starting to fade away and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Maura had only had this moment with Jane in which she understood Jane's love, understood her own. One glorious, but short moment in which she held the knowledge of Jane's love for her, as she lay with her head on Jane's lap, her life in Jane's hands.

Maura assumed that Jane must now know that Maura loved her back in that same way, for she took a bullet for Jane. Even if Maura couldn't speak, even if she never woke up again, Jane had to know by her actions how much Maura loved her.

But that wasn't enough, these couple of minutes weren't enough. Such a small space in time where everything was understood, this just couldn't be it. It couldn't be. Maura's eyes were clouding up, her sight was slipping away. Sadness swelled up in her, so much sadness she had never known, as she thought about missing the rest of the moments with Jane, missing a life with her, a whole life. They had barely started, and it was all over, almost before it had even begun. _No_, Maura thought_. No! Jane! No!_ as Jane slipped away from her view, as she lost her vision completely._ I want to stay. I want to stay with you_.

Maura's last thoughts were how she was going to fight. She was going to fight so hard to make sure she got her time with Jane. Jane was grasping her hand, holding on for dear life, and so would she.

* * *

They had stormed into the doors of the ER, Jane still running right by Maura's side. She had refused to let go until they got to the double doors that led to the OR. Then she finally had given in, but her body seemed to have a mind of it's own, and she kept trying to run through the doors. It was like she was drawn like a magnet to Maura. A doctor had held her back.

She had walked on trembling legs to the nearest wall, so she could lean back on it for support. A nurse had come up to her, a concerned look on her face, trying to examine Jane, attempting to bring her over to a place where she could get a better look at her, clean her scrapes, but Jane wouldn't have it. She had panicked they wouldn't be able to find her to give her information about Maura. She didn't care about her goddamned face, didn't this nurse understand?

Suddenly, someone had been beside her, talking with the nurse, making more sense than she had, and gently leading her to the waiting room. She had briefly glanced up to see Frost's concerned face staring down at her. She didn't take in any of the room around her. Frost had just dragged her over to a chair, had made her sit down. She felt a faint stroking on her back, but nothing could even slightly comfort Jane right now. She was swimming in a sea of pain. Jane knew she hadn't been shot, she knew this, but the pain in her chest felt as badly as if she had. Actually, this felt worse. And she would know—she'd felt a gun penetrate her skin, her insides before. God, this was so much worse. All she could see was Maura's pale face. And the blood, all of the blood, taking her away.

It had probably only been a couple of hours that she had been waiting. But it seemed like an eternity to Jane. Her thoughts seemed to circle and repeat. This was so different, so much more horrific than when anyone else she knew had gotten hurt, even Frankie. She just didn't have her bearings, it was like the ground had fallen out from beneath her feet, and no matter how hard she struggled she couldn't gain her footing. She had no truly logical thoughts.

Jane just kept thinking about the pain Maura had been in as she lay on the sidewalk, how she couldn't stand to see Maura like that, suffering. And Jane hadn't been able to do anything to take it all away. And oh, how she had wanted to. Even more, Jane wanted to just take Maura's place. She _should _be in Maura's place. She was the one who belonged in the OR, not Maura, who was now in there, struggling to live.

That bullet was for Jane, she was certain of it. It should have hit her. But Maura must have seen it coming. Jane hadn't—she had been so distracted by Maura's words. Maura was pushing Jane to the ground before Jane could even react or understand what was going on. _Why? Why had Maura done it, put herself in danger like that? She had basically sacrificed herself for-_

Jane shook her head, that was too difficult, too much to think about. She already felt like her brain was going to explode any second. She rubbed her temples, not caring about how distraught she appeared, something she usually did concern herself with. She was falling apart too much. There was no glue to hold her together. She couldn't hide all her cracks, so let them see. Maura was her glue, and she wasn't here. Jane couldn't be strong, she couldn't hold it together, because Maura wasn't here. Oh, god, what if she wasn't here, beside Jane, ever again? She didn't want to live in a world without Maura.

What would Jane's world be like without Maura's laugh? What would she do without Maura's gentle touches which seemed to be the best cure for Jane's worries and pain? Even Maura's constant scientific facts, her ramblings, Jane couldn't picture never hearing them again. Jane couldn't see herself living without being able to feel Maura's arms around her in an embrace ever again, or without being able to look into those eyes of hers. God, those bright, ever-changing eyes. Without Maura beside her, Jane was missing all of this already. The world just wasn't the world without Maura in it was the conclusion Jane came to. It would be broken, unfixable, terrible. Jane would be broken, unfixable, terrible—not whole.

She sat thinking through similar lines of thought, over and over, until she heard someone call her name. Now, she was standing in front of the doctor, trying to grasp his words, because they were about Maura. But all Jane could understand was that Maura was still in surgery, and they were running into some problems. Big, medical words she didn't understand flew right over her head. She asked the doctor the only words she could make out, what she needed to know: was Maura going to be alright? She was going to live, she said this as a statement. But the doctor hadn't been able to tell her what she wanted to hear. I don't want to give you false hope, he had said. And now the only words she heard rattling around in her brain was:_. It's too soon to tell if she'll pull through. _

No, Maura would make it. She had to. She had promised. Maura had promised Jane, a few weeks ago, when her world was dark. Maura had promised Jane she'd be there for her however long Jane wanted her to be. Well, Jane wanted her here forever. True, she hadn't told Maura that, but Maura should have known. Suddenly an irrational anger bolted through her. She was angry at Maura. Why didn't she just let Jane get hit? What was she doing throwing herself into a bullet? Didn't she know she was too special to put herself in such danger? Didn't she know that Jane didn't want to live without her? Actually, Jane couldn't. Even if she wanted to live without Maura, Jane couldn't. This truth hit her hard, like her body, her head, was pounding against the pavement again. Worse.

She stepped backwards, away from the doctor, feeling herself shaking her head. She felt so disconnected from her body. It was like she could see herself, her trembling body, walking backwards, walking away, as far back from the truth as possible.

_ She couldn't, she couldn't, she couldn't. _Everything was slowing down, distorted. Without Maura it all was coming down around her again. Maura wasn't in front of her, holding her hand. It was all breaking over Jane, all of the loss, the pain, the fear, the sorrow, the anger, the despair. And Jane was collapsing without Maura, without her support. Literally. She had backed into a wall, and now she fell against it. Everything was so distant, so far away. Her lungs felt like they were filled with water. She gasped for air, but it was doing no good. Faces were close to hers, hands grabbing her arms, her back, trying to hold her upright. Voices from far, far away called her name and other things. But nothing would keep her afloat. Nobody else could. Maura wasn't here, and Jane's rapid breathing wouldn't slow. There was nothing in front of Jane to calm her, for her to hold onto. She needed Maura's arms, Maura's eyes. Jane was falling deep into the abyss, and increasingly deeper, and being able to look into Maura's eyes was the only way she would be able to get any air again. The thought that Maura's eyes were shut right now, and might stay that way forever, the thought that it was Jane's fault that this had happened, sunk Jane so far deep that she could feel it all crashing way over her head now. It was over, she was going under. Maura was all Jane ever wanted, and she was the reason Maura was fighting for her life right now, the reason she might _die_.

Before Maura had always caught her, had always saved Jane from the blackness, that massive expanse, but she wasn't there to now, and Jane sank deep into the dark—nothing to see, nothing to say, nothing to think.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, I apologize for the wait. I know it's been awhile and I left you with quite a cliffhanger in the last chapter. I didn't mean to torture you guys or anything lol. I've just had a crazy busy time lately with school. But I saw some people's cries for an update so I felt like I needed to do this. I apologize if there are errors in here-I'm really tired and my brain's kind of dead at the moment, but again-just wanted to get this out there as soon as possible.

We're going to start pulling out of the dark place soon, no worries. Hopefully, this chapter will give you at least a little relief! Let me know your thoughts :)

Edit: While I was writing this story there were a few chapters where a song really helped me imagine what was going to happen and write. For this chapter it was "Open Your Eyes" by Snow Patrol, just if you want to give it a listen to set you more in the mood :)

* * *

**Chapter 12 **

Jane woke up with a pain in her head, and Maura's name on her lips. For a few seconds, she forgot what was happening, all that had happened. She stared up at a white ceiling and significantly bright lights. And then it all came rushing back to her. _Maura. _She bolted upright, but something pulled her back, stopped her from jumping out of the bed. _What the hell?!_

Suddenly a hand was on her arm, and her mother was in her face.

"Jane, honey, how are you feeling? You need to stay lying down," she said gently, trying to push her back down on the bed.

"Maura," was all Jane could get out, all Jane could think about.

"Maura just got out of surgery. She's alright, Janie. The doctors said she's still unconscious, but they said that's pretty normal. She's going to be okay."

Jane felt her heart beat fast, breath come back to her lungs, a new found energy suddenly course through her body. _Maura was going to be okay. _

She ripped off the oxygen tubes in her nose that had held her back before, and slid her legs over the bed. But her mother's arm was firm, and so was the nurse's who came running over, helping to hold her down.

"Jane, you suffered a pretty bad concussion when you passed out. And you had a panic attack. That's nothing to shrug off. You need to take it easy. You can go see your girlfriend, but just slow down. Let me get you a wheelchair," the nurse said soothingly, but firmly.

Jane lifted a hand up to her head and felt a bandage there, a large bump on the side of her forehead. No big deal, she had had worse. And she didn't care if she had just had a panic attack. That was nothing compared to a gunshot wound. That nurse better get back here in five seconds or she was running off to find Maura herself, on her own two feet.

The nurse was suddenly right beside her, helping her into the chair. The ride to Maura's room was the longest of Jane's life. She fidgeted more than she usually did, so much so that the nurse even placed a calming hand on Jane's shoulder a few times. She almost bolted out of the chair. Something stopped her every time though-the sound of Maura's voice in her head, chastising Jane about how she never took care of herself.

Jane just wanted to see Maura, breathing and alive. She preferred her to be awake, but she'd take anything right now, anything, after thinking she might die. Jane shook her head of the terrible thought. She couldn't even think about it without her lungs threatening not to work correctly. She heaved a few heavy breaths than thought of Maura telling one of her bad jokes and smiled a bit, calming herself down.

They suddenly swung into a room, and Jane sat up in anticipation, almost falling out of the wheelchair. Maura looked so pale, even against the white sheets. And so very tiny, like if Jane blinked she might disappear into the mattress. Jane stood up, focused on Maura's chest rising and falling—thank god. She ran a hand across Maura's cheek, wishing she would just open her eyes. That's really what Jane needed to see most of all right now. But Maura didn't even so much as blink. Jane took Maura's hand gently, glad to be feeling the warmth of Maura's skin. She held it as much for her comfort and assurance, as for Maura to know she was there. Especially as Jane took in the sight of Maura's shoulder all wrapped up in bandages, red still peeping through the white. She turned away from the blood.

"I'm right here, Maur. Right here. I'm not going anywhere," she whispered.

She leaned over and kissed Maura's forehead, stroked her blonde hair away.

She realized the nurse was still standing behind her, and turned around to face her. "So, how is she doing? What happened with her surgery?"

Jane tried so very hard to understand the medical mumbo jumbo, but all she got out of the words the nurse told her was that the GSW was a through-and-through; there had been a few complications during the surgery, and she had been losing a lot of blood, which was why they were uncertain for awhile if she was going to make it; they ended up being able to gain control, stop all the bleeding, sew her back up, and now they were monitoring her and waiting for her to wake up. Then they would assess her motor functions, etc. It was normal for patients to be unconscious for quite awhile after surgery, but they were afraid it might be longer than normal for Maura after all the complications and the blood loss she had sustained. Jane could also tell by the nurse's voice that there was a possibility Maura would have quite a few major problems when she woke up. The nurse did say gently that it was possible Maura might have some brain damage because of lack of oxygen that could have occurred, but Jane didn't let herself sit with that awful idea for any time whatsoever. She just focused on the positive: Maura was alive, she was breathing, and she was probably going to wake up very soon. Also, the GSW hadn't ended up hitting any major organs. They'd have to see if it affected her arm movement, but the doctors didn't think that was likely. Jane was just so happy that Maura was alive, and breathing that she kissed Maura's head again, this time stopping to take in the scent of her shampoo and just her own kind of scent—a familiar, comforting smell.

The nurse smiled and wandered out of the room, with a warning to Rizzoli to take it easy and use her wheelchair, as well as a promise that the doctor would be coming along soon to answer any questions she had.

* * *

Jane sat watching Maura's chest rise and fall, her beating heart on the monitor. She couldn't help it, she had to keep assuring herself that Maura was in fact still alive. She didn't dare move from the room. She just couldn't bring herself to leave Maura. Look what had happened the last time she'd done that.

Someone came up every hour or two, whether it be her mother, Frankie, Frost or Korsack, asking if she needed anything, telling her she should eat, she should go get a breathe of fresh air. But Jane refused to leave the room, only eating when her mother finally brought her some pasta from the cafeteria.

Jane sat there drawing shapes into Maura's palm, waiting for when she woke up, that moment she squeezed Jane's hand back. It would happen, and everything would be fine, just fine when Maura woke up. Mostly Jane felt relieved, although the exhaustion started creeping up on her around the 24 hour mark. She was so tempted to rest her head right next to Maura's leg, but she wouldn't allow herself to go to sleep. What if she missed something? What if she woke up and Maura was gone? What if this was just a dream? She couldn't allow herself to think that way.

As the hours dragged on Jane's mind started racing. Her thoughts of relief and hope, started turning sour, full of hate and anger—towards herself, towards the people responsible for Maura being like this. In her mind, she ran through the choices she made that day over and over. She was sure that her vic's gang was behind this. And that guy she had pressured had been pissed at the way Jane had dominated him, the way she had threatened and got information out of him. The police were watching the gang closer than ever, trying their best to pressure them, to get answers. Jane had told Frost to look out in particular for the guy she had "questioned", giving him what she hoped was his real name, explaining to him what she had done that most likely angered him. Frost would keep that to himself.

The gang probably knew the police would make headway in the murder of their friend. When most reasonable people would be happy about that, a gang would want to handle it themselves, feel a need to. And if pushed, if crazy enough, they would take matters into their own hands, try and stop someone from getting in their way. That someone had been Jane. And she knew that was a risk, a possibility. It was a risk she took every day on this job. But it wasn't a risk Maura had to take. Jane had put Maura in danger just being with her.

Jane stood up and paced the room, running her hands through her hair in frustration. She was so goddamned stupid, so selfish. She wanted more than anything to be the one lying in that bed in Maura's place. Maura didn't deserve any of this. Hell, Maura had her own punishment already—having to put up with Jane. There had been that drunk night, and then Jane had been such a dick at the station. Jane wished more than anything that she'd faced her fears, pushed down her embarrassment and just talked to Maura. Or rather listened. Instead, she'd been rude, holding her at arm's length, and now look what had happened. They may not have another chance to talk….no, Jane couldn't think like that.

What if Jane handled the case differently? What if she had stopped in the lobby to talk to Maura? What if she wasn't so stubborn and stupid? What if she was a better friend, a better person?

She looked at Maura, unconscious on the bed, slipping away, because of Jane. Anger bubbled up inside Jane, breaking through the surface with a rush, and she threw a punch at the wall. She relished in the pain, and kept pacing.

She stopped to look back at Maura again, then looked down at her scraped, throbbing knuckles, and hid her hand self-consciously. Maura would kill her if she saw Jane do that. She pushed Jane out of the way so that she wouldn't get hurt, and here Jane was hurting herself. Jane let her mind linger on this thought for a second, acknowledging for the first time what Maura did. Did Maura even think about herself? She had to know that there was high probability she herself would get shot instead. Jane knew she would do it for Maura, without question. She…well, she didn't know if she'd do it without question for anyone else if she really thought about it—well, her family, she supposed, yes. But Maura….Maura, in a heartbeat, without a single thought. It would just be instantaneous, automatic. She, well, she loved Maura. She couldn't live without her. She knew she had always thought this, but going through this had made her so painfully aware of it, and she felt a blow again. She needed to lean against the wall, it seemed her emotions were so large, looming, knocking her over.

Maybe it was more than the love that one normally had for a friend. This thought washed over her the more Jane reflected back on her actions, her thoughts—through the years, but mostly during the last few weeks—the way she was realizing how attractive Maura was, the way…suddenly, Jane thought about how she collapsed when she thought Maura might die. Jane Rizzoli. Jane never lost control like that. When she looked at Maura now, she felt a need to protect, felt regret, a need to hold her hand, feel her pulse. With these thoughts, Jane rushed over, and held Maura's hand again, felt her heartbeat.

She sighed in relief and stroked Maura's wrist with her thumb, as she let her thoughts fly, finally allowing herself to wonder. Did Maura feel the same way? That she couldn't live without Jane? Is that why she didn't even stop to think about herself when the bullet flew? But that was crazy, no, who would love Jane like that?

Then Jane thought about Maura's voice, the emotion, desperation in it that had stopped Jane in her tracks. Thought of her eyes, something so intense in them. And what had she said? _I'm scared, I feel so much_. Exactly how Jane had been feeling. Lately, there was a rush of so many feelings for Maura that she didn't understand. Is that what Maura had meant? Was it possible? Suddenly, Jane wanted more than anything for Maura to wake up, to talk to her, to make sense of everything that Jane was now finally coming to understand—well, maybe.

Jane needed to tell Maura how much she loved her. As more than a friend. Her desperation to let Maura know, for her to understand _now_, overpowered the fear she felt about telling her. But now Jane _needed_ to talk to Maura. She understood that desire Maura had had at the station. She probably felt it a thousand times more intensely. What if she never got the chance to express this? What if she never got the chance to love Maura the way she wanted to?

Jane rested her head on Maura's hand, she just couldn't hold it up anymore. Why was she realizing all of this now when it could all be gone? Those bastards. They took so much. They didn't have the right. They hurt her Maura. And what if they took her away? Took away all the time they would have had together, the time in which Jane could finally show Maura how much she loved her, give her all she needed, be all she needed. They fucking…suddenly, Jane was up in a flash, a fire building in her. She couldn't sit here doing nothing. She was going to fucking kill those bastards. They deserved to be punished. She ran without thinking, so blinded in her rage, and incoherent from exhaustion, for the elevators.

* * *

Jane drove down through the streets where she had found that bastard the first time. She drove and drove searching for she didn't know how long. She had rushed over here, narrowly missing hitting cars many times. Her driving wasn't what it should be after almost 2 days without sleep, and she was so angry, red was all she saw.

It clouded her vision as she took in the sight of the guy she had questioned. It was him, she was sure. She didn't even stop to think about it, she was out of the car in a flash. The guy didn't even know what hit him, Jane was even more quick than usual in her fury. She jumped on him and slammed him down to the pavement, heard his chin hit hard and bounce back. He screamed a little in pain. Big fucking baby.

They were in an alleyway, which gave Jane a surge of power as she thought about what she could do to him in revenge and no one would see.

He struggled to get up and she punched him in his side. Then he lay still.

"Don't move. Just listen," she whispered harshly in his ear, still lying on top of him. "I know you wanted me dead. Either you tried to kill me, or you sent someone because you're too fucking cowardly. But you missed, bud. I'm alive and well."

"I'm not saying I did nothin. And if you're alive, I don't see what's the problem," he grunted.

"Oh, no, there's a problem. A major problem. See what ticks me off even more than getting shot at is having someone shoot my best friend. Who is now lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life because you have some fucking anger and ego problems that you haven't resolved."

Her voice was rising, shaking with emotion, her throat closing as she thought of Maura so small in that hospital bed, broken. But she shook her head, she wouldn't lose her control over him. She wouldn't let the sadness take over. She needed the anger to take reign now.

"You pissed me the fuck off, mister. And now you're going to pay the price. We're patrolling your area, you noticed?"

"Yeah, I heard something 'bout that."

"Yeah, well, hear this," Jane snarled. "We'll be here all the time now, in your face twenty-four fucking seven. Until we take. You. Down."

"You can't do that, yo."

Jane cackled in response.

"I'm practically head of my department. Do you know how respected I am? How many cops will listen to me? You will never be left in peace ever again."

"Damn yo, that fucking bitch wasn't even worth all this. I wasn't trying to—"

But Jane had her gun out now, pointed into his back. It had whipped out of her pants automatically, in her hand in a flash. She had clicked the safety off and he knew it. He froze, didn't dare utter a word. She made sure the gun was pointing around the same spot Maura had gotten hit. She wasn't even thinking, she was just doing at this point.

"If you ever call her a name like that ever again, this bullet goes right through you. Understand?"

He nodded into the ground, eyes squeezed shut. She liked the way he quaked.

"P—Please," he begged. "Please don't shoot me, I—I'm sorry."

"I don't want a fucking apology! It's meaningless coming from you!" Jane shouted.

For some reason now he had made her even more angry. She thought about all he had taken away. "You don't even know what you've done. You don't think that far ahead."

Her voice was low, rich with emotion—pain, rage, it was hard to tell what.

"You don't know what it feels like to care, to love someone so much that you'd do anything for them. I'd bet my life on it. But you go ahead and try to take someone else's life, love, their happiness. Maybe it's because you don't know what you're doing, what you are taking because you've never experienced it yourself. But in any case, I don't give a shit.

Now her voice was even lower, she made sure she was whispering right into his ears, her words seeped in venom."You're scum of the earth. And you don't deserve the chance to feel that, feel what I have."

Here her voice suddenly broke. "What I might no longer have because of you."

She stopped for a moment, so overwhelmed by hatred, sadness, desperation, loss, that she thought she might pull the trigger. But images of Maura flooded into her mind. Her face, those eyes, willing her not to make a stupid decision, not let all of the emotions carry her away.

Jane squeezed her eyes shut, took a ragged breathe, and pulled her gun away. She still kept her body weight on the guy, as she whipped out her phone as fast as she could, speed-dialing Frost.

"Frost, I need you. Now, before…before I do something stupid," Jane couldn't control the shaking her voice.

"Where are you, Jane? I'm coming, just tell me where you are," Frost said, a tone of fear and concern in his voice, but mostly it was soothing, calming Jane's rapid heart rate.

He talked to her until he pulled up with a sudden halt on the curb. He ran over and took control—cuffing the guy, and hauling up off the ground. Jane could tell she didn't need to explain anything to Frost. It was best he didn't know all the details, and he could tell by her face who he was.

"Maura," were the only words she could utter.

Frost nodded in understanding. "Get back to her Jane, I'll take care of this asshole."

She squeezed his arm in gratitude then took off running for her car. She threw herself in and drove away. Far, far away from the darkness, and towards her brightest light.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: **I'm so sorry I haven't updated for awhile guys. This last month was just so insane with schoolwork for me. Just yesterday I finished two weeks of the hell that was finals. But I wanted to get some new stuff to you guys as soon as possible. I really appreciate all of you who have stuck around, and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I think you'll be happy with it :) I'll try to update more regularly now that I am home for break for a month. Reviews are greatly appreciated!

* * *

**Chapter 13**

The elevator doors opened onto the hallway Maura was on. As Jane stepped off she heard voices yelling, monitors beeping. Someone was calling for a crash cart.

She froze. Her heart seemed to stop beating.

_Maura_.

She bolted down the hallway, running faster than she ever had in her life. Her heart pounded hard in her ears that strained to find out where all the distressing sounds were coming from. Her vision was dark, she ran blindly. All her senses seemed to stop working just when she needed them to most.

Her brain had gone blank. She was useless, useless. No, no, no. It couldn't be Maura. She would never forgive herself.

Jane swung around through Maura's doorway, almost missing it in the haze she was in. She came to a dead stop, so suddenly that she slid. And then she stared.

She stood staring at a still room, Maura lying on the bed where she left her. Monitors not telling any sign of stress, heart beating steadily.

Jane's heart still throbbed against the wall of her chest, causing her pain, as she slid down onto the ground. Relief washed over her, made her crumble, after all that adrenaline that had coursed through her. She knelt there, with her head in her hands until she found the strength to walk over to Maura's bed on shaking legs.

She sank into the chair and stared at Maura's chest rising and falling, rising and falling.

Jane held onto Maura's hand with both of hers, gripping it so tightly as she suddenly leaned forward and sobbed. Her tears fell onto their hands welded together. She cried because she was relieved, because she was frustrated at herself, at the world, but mostly she cried because of how Maura made her feel. And she didn't ever want that to go away no matter how out of control she felt. She needed Maura Isles. She loved her. She still trembled from the feeling of thinking she was losing Maura, losing her forever.

Suddenly the words were coming out, pouring out, and she couldn't stop them, and she didn't really want to.

"I love you," she whispered. "I love you, Maura. Please don't leave. Please."

She lay her heavy head down on the knot that their hands formed. Silence was all that met her ears.

Suddenly, she felt movement underneath her head. But she hadn't moved her hands._ She_ hadn't. Jane bolted up right, eyes flying wide. She stared in awe at Maura's hand, the way her fingers slowly moved, and then wrapped around Jane's.

Jane quickly looked up, and found herself meeting Maura's eyes. Maura was _looking _at her. Jane didn't think she'd ever been so happy to see a pair of eyes. Maura's were foggy and half-open, but still, Jane could see them. Jane felt a grin spreading over her face, something that felt so foreign to her after these last couple of days. Her heart was beating fast again, but this time not in fear, but excitement, joy.

"Maura," she whispered in wonder, as she stood up slowly, reaching out to stroke her hair back, see her eyes better, see the life in them. She saw something else in them too, so strong, but she couldn't be sure what it was.

Maura gripped onto Jane's hand even tighter, as her chapped lips parted. She tried to speak, but nothing came out. Jane was quickly moved into action, getting a cup of water and holding it up to her lips.

"Here, try to drink some of this, honey."

Maura struggled to drink a few sips, then cleared her throat.

"Jane," she managed to get out, her voice still a whisper.

"Yea, sweetheart. I'm here, I'm here," Jane said soothingly, stroking her hair, the other hand still holding the grip of Maura's hand, relishing in feeling the pressure coming from Maura, when for such a long time it had been limp.

"I know," Maura whispered. "I need you to—" Maura broke off and took a huge breath now. Just breathing in that heavily visibly caused her pain though. She gasped a little, squeezing her eyes shut.

Jane's heart lurched, and she sat down on the bed in an attempt to try to get closer in order to comfort Maura. But she didn't really know what to do. She squeezed Maura's hand, feeling desperate to know how to take the pain away.

"Shh, honey, it's alright, relax. How about we get you some more morphine. I'll call a nurse in, I got to tell them you're awake."

Maura rested her head back on the pillow more, but she shook her head. Then tried to speak again.

"No, wait, I need you to know something," Maura managed to get out.

"Okay, sweetheart, I'm listening," Jane said, nodding with encouragement.

"I love you—I love you, too, " Maura breathed, these words louder than all of the others. Her eyes were more open now, and she looked at Jane with a steady gaze.

But Jane was anything but steady. Thank god she was sitting down. Maura couldn't have…but maybe—had Maura heard her? Jane was shaking, her breath was coming quickly, something was erupting deep inside her.

"I'm not going anywhere. Don't—don't cry anymore," Maura assured her. Jane's eyes now flooded with tears. Maura sat up straighter in bed, grabbing Jane's hand in her own. Jane turned her body to face Maura fully, her leg coming up onto the bed. Maura grabbed Jane's leg and squeezed it.

"I'm staying. With you," Maura said, forcefully, reaching up with one hand to gently swipe away Jane's tears off her cheeks.

Jane had no doubts looking into those eyes of Maura's, feeling the electricity running between them as their skin touched. She had no doubt anymore that Maura did in fact love Jane, the kind of love which Jane had recently come to realize she felt for Maura. It was a purer love, a love she knew she had never felt for anyone else before.

Jane leaned into Maura's hand that cupped her face. The tears still flowed, but she knew these were different than the ones she had been shedding earlier. These were full of joy. Jane reached up, took Maura's hand, and gently kissed the soft palm. Maura grinned wide, tearing up as well.

Suddenly Jane was letting go, allowing her heart to take control. She felt nervous, but strangely sure, as she slid even closer to Maura on the bed, then slowly bent forward. Holding Maura's face in her hand, she kissed Maura on the cheek. Maura smiled, and Jane kissed her dimple. Her lips then easily found Maura's.

Jane kissed Maura softly. It was only a few seconds but the world seemed to slow down. Jane's eyes were closed, all of her senses seemed to be shut off except her sense of touch, which overcompensated for the loss of the others. Jane felt a tingling in her lips just from touching Maura's that she had never felt before with anyone else. Maura's lips met hers willingly.

Jane pulled back slowly, so she could look into Maura's eyes. She knew that the kiss was welcomed, but she felt the need to see those eyes of Maura's, see what she would find reflected there. They held each other's gaze, just inches apart. Maura's eyes were bright, the brightest Jane had seen them in so long, maybe ever. They held such happiness, desire, passion. And love. Jane could see the love so clearly in them. It was definitely what lit up Maura's eyes the most.

Jane felt an overwhelming yearning to kiss those lips again, so she dove in, although slowly still. She gently pulled Maura's head towards hers, pressing her lips against Maura's, and feeling as though their lips were melded together, belonged that way. Jane parted her mouth ever so slightly, and Maura did the same. Jane ran a gentle, but eager tongue through the welcoming opening between Maura's lips, and slowly found her way around Maura's mouth, taking her time and enjoying every second of it. Maura's tongue did the same, exploring Jane's mouth, her lips eagerly moving against Jane's. Maura reached a hand up to grab Jane's face, Jane's tangled hair. Jane heard a small satisfied moan from Maura, and smiled through the kiss. Kissing Maura, Jane felt a surge run through her body, different and better than any adrenaline high she had ever experienced, as if this is what she should have been doing all along, all her life. As Maura's hand slid around Jane's waist, as Jane felt such heat, such energy, just from this contact with Maura, Jane _knew_ that she should have been.

So lost in the wonder of the moment, Jane forgot about where they were until she became aware of an increasingly faster beeping sound. Maura's heart monitor. Jane could hear Maura's heart speed up more and more. At first this amused her, made her giddy. But then she remembered the state Maura was in, and in her concern she gently pulled away from Maura, guiding her head back softly onto the pillow. Jane was worried about making Maura's heart beat too fast, about harming her in her condition.

Maura sighed against the pillow, seemingly sad Jane had stopped. She still clutched Jane's back with her good hand, kept Jane close to her face, those lips, that Jane could barely stand it. If she was going to resist kissing Maura like that, she was going to need to back away a bit. She gently moved backwards, let her hand fall on Maura's thigh—a safe, uninjured spot. She rubbed it soothingly.

"Jane," Maura whispered, posing a question with the raise of her eyebrows.

"God, Maura, I—you're amazing, that was—not something I've ever—all I want is to keep kissing you for the rest of my life," Jane finally sputtered out, turning a little red, but grinning.

Maura mirrored her smile and leaned into her. "I'd like that."

Jane shook her head, trying so hard to resist, but her body felt as if it was being pulled toward Maura. She had finally let all of the feelings be released and it seemed as though now they were stronger, growing. Now everything in her needed, craved Maura. She moved back more in her attempt to restrain.

"But your heart was beating so fast, and you lost a lot of blood and what if I hurt your shoulder when we're—" Jane tried to explain rapidly.

Maura smiled and shook her head, as if she found all of Jane's worries silly. "I'm fine Jane. In fact, I'm better than fine. I've never felt better than this before."

She covered Jane's hand gently with her own. Jane's heart skipped a beat. In fact, despite all of the shit that when down in the last few days, she also felt better than she ever had before. She felt warmth and such a mix of wonderful feelings she didn't know how to handle it. But she felt so happy, so…she didn't know what. Partly to hide her blushing, mostly because she couldn't stand to be apart from Maura anymore after just being so close to her, she grinned, and gently wrapped her arms around Maura, making sure to steer clear of her shoulder. Then Jane nuzzled her face into Maura's hair in contentment.

"Me too," she whispered in Maura's ear.

Jane held Maura a little while longer, but then she pulled back slightly.

"But the doctors need to check on you. I don't know how you're not in complete and utter pain with your morphine so low, but—"

"Because you're my morphine, Jane," Maura said, looking at Jane with serious eyes.

Jane couldn't resist after a comment like that at least a little taste of Maura's lips again. She allowed her lips to brush against Maura's quickly, but with a world of meaning. Then much to both of their dismay, Jane reached over and hit the call button.

* * *

Maura held Jane's hand as the doctors sat and told them what might lie in the future. They had done some quick, rudimentary tests and now they said they would need to do some more involved ones just to assess the damage, but overall they had only been seeing good signs, and thought Maura would probably make a smooth recovery.

Maura was so happy she thought she most likely could take anything that was thrown at her. Finally, her love for Jane was out in the open. Finally, she knew for certain that Jane loved her in the same way. And most importantly now she had time to spend with Jane, show her how much she really loved her, time that she thought she might not have had. Maura was content to be conscious, just to be able to simply sit next to Jane, feel her hand's grasp, be able to remember the taste of Jane on her lips, something just a little while ago she had feared might never come to be.

She was so giddy with all of the good news that as the doctors left the room she sat up straighter, turned to grin at Jane, her hand subconsciously squeezing Jane's hand hard. Jane started to return the smile, but then jumped and winced a little at Maura's tight grip.

"What?" Maura asked, alarmed.

The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt Jane. She quickly let go of Jane's hand in a rush of fear, and did a quick assessment of Jane. Her eyes came to rest on Jane's scraped up and swollen knuckles on her right hand. The kind of injury one would get if the hand had come in contact with something so hard, and with such a speed that—

"Jane," Maura whispered in concern. She couldn't stand not touching Jane so she reached for her arm. "Sweetie, what happened to your hand?"

Jane almost immediately looked down into her lap, as if ashamed. "It's fine," she managed to mumble. Then she tried to slide it away from Maura's sight, but Maura quickly grabbed Jane's wrist. She slowly brought the hand up closer to her so she could examine it, delicately touching it.

"A couple fractured knuckles," Maura informed Jane. "You need ice on it."

She didn't know why, but seeing Jane's hand so torn up made her incredibly sad, and she brought the hand to her lips and gently kissed it. She looked up at Jane, curiosity burning inside her, although she was afraid to press the issue, make Jane talk about something that would upset her greatly. But she had to know. And she wanted to help fix her, help fix this.

"Jane," she started off quietly. "How did this happen?"

Jane kept her head down. "My fist somehow made contact with a wall," Jane said, briefly looking up and smiling sheepishly, trying to hide behind a lame joke.

Maura didn't understand Jane's raging anger sometimes, the way she handled difficult situations and her emotions that came with them. She liked to think that Jane wouldn't react so harshly with Maura standing by her. Maura needed to make every effort to be there for Jane, through everything.

"Jane," she began, wanting to let her know, but Jane cut her off in a nervous rush.

"I know it was dumb, I'm sorry you have to see it. I know it upsets you when I lose control of my temper. It was just…you don't understand, how…how _angry_ I was at myself. For being such an asshole that day. For not listening to you. For letting this happen to you, for not being the one in your place._ I_ should be lying in this bed, not you!"

She broke free from Maura's gentle touch and squeezed her bruised hand, as if punishing herself. Jane shook her head, teary eyed, and continued. "I was the one who put you in danger. It was _my _fault, and I was so pissed I couldn't make you better, and I didn't know how to handle the fact that I might never be able to tell you how I feel…how I feel about you." Jane let the last words fall off her lips softly, bowing her head down.

Maura's eyes were threatening to overflow with tears.

"Jane, look at me."

Jane shook her head. "I can't, I hurt you so badly, Maura. I can't."

"Please," Maura pleaded.

Jane couldn't resist this, and she lifted her eyes to find Maura's, just like Maura knew she would. Maura held her gaze, and gently took back Jane's hand, cradling it in her own.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli. Don't you _dare_ blame yourself for me being in this hospital bed. I would have made sure that you wouldn't get injured, no matter what. So it's all my doing. None of this is your fault. Do you hear me?"

Jane had bowed her head back down. Maura lifted up Jane's chin, looked at her with such seriousness and intensity.

"There's nothing you could have done differently. It was set in my mind for so long to save you. When you were—" Maura paused and breathed in deeply. Saying the words out loud were difficult, the memories flooded through her still, the pain.

"When you were kidnapped, all I wanted was to save you, to take your place. That's what I wished for when that bastard had you—a reversal of roles."

She took a breath, and took in Jane's surprised stare, agape mouth, but she pressed onwards, wanting to get it all out. Jane needed to understand this—this was important.

"Ever since that night, your safety—_you_—have been my main priority. I _need _to keep you safe. Because if I fail to do that, then there's really no point. That night, when I thought I was going to lose you, I suddenly realized that if you did slip away from me, if you were never with me again, there really wouldn't be anything left."

"Maura, I—I—" Jane moved towards Maura, seemingly struggling with her words, many emotions playing across her face. She took a ragged breath, and tried to start again. "Maura, I felt the same when—I _feel_ the same. I lost it when I thought I would lose you, Maura. I couldn't breathe. And I—"

Maura intently focused on Jane's words, her tears spilling over now. Jane's face was full of such pan from the memories, and a great urgency. Jane didn't bother to wipe away her tears either, they flowed freely. Maura reached up and stroked Jane's cheeks, wanting to wipe all of the pain away.

"Shh, I'm here. We're both here. And we have time to be together. That's what matters. That's _all _that matters."

They moved into each other, pressing their foreheads together, eyes closed. They stayed that way for a long while, just reveling in the comfort of the simple action, still being able to touch, to feel each other alive.

Maura was the first to pull away, a wave of exhaustion hitting her. She needed to lie down. So many emotions had run their course in such a short amount of time, which had worn her out immensely, and now the morphine was starting to drag her under.

Jane looked up at her with slight concern and confusion, as Maura started falling backwards from her.

"Maura, you okay?"

"Yes, Jane. I'm just so tired. So, so tired," she managed to struggle out, feeling sleep come upon her, try to pull her away from Jane into the unconscious world. She fought it, but it wouldn't leave her alone, was getting worse.

"Okay sweetheart, why don't you rest then?" Jane said soothingly, as she gently lay Maura back all the way against the pillows.

Maura shook her head in protest though as she felt Jane pull her away from her, settling back in the chair.

"What's wrong, Maur? What do you want?"

The pain was dulling, but that's not what she was concerned about. She wanted Jane. That was more important than less pain. Jane needed to be able to come with her. She gently tugged on Jane's hand, scooted over a little in the bed, and patted the empty space next to her.

Jane understood right away, but was hesitant, worry and eagerness warring across her features. "What if I hurt you, Maura? I don't want to—"

"Please, Jane," Maura whispered, knowing full well what an affect that would have.

Sure enough, Jane started to carefully climb onto the bed beside her. She awkwardly tried to lay out on the bed, her long limbs falling off the side. She left Maura way too much room.

Maura chuckled a little. "Jane," she whined, as she pulled Jane closer to her with her good arm. "Come here, get comfortable. You're not going to hurt me, I promise."

Jane moved her body closer to Maura, shifting so Maura's head could rest on her chest, and Maura leaned into her contently. Jane ran her hand soothingly through Maura's hair, trying very hard not to touch Maura's left shoulder.

Maura smiled at the warmth and comfort radiating from Jane's body underneath her. Jane didn't know it, but she sang Maura a lullaby with each stroke, each heartbeat, each breath, each sigh, each sweet kiss she planted on Maura's forehead. Maura was lulled into a deep sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: **Hello my dears, hope you all have been enjoying the holidays. I've been spending my time off writing away so while this is a short update there will definitely be another one very soon!

* * *

**Chapter 14 **

Jane lay awake, her thoughts spinning round and round. She knew how badly she needed sleep. It had been days since she'd slept more than a couple hours at a time, a fitful rest her body would slip into just to stay alive it seemed. With her arms around Maura she should finally be able to sleep. Maura had woken up, and she was going to be fine. Just fine. Jane kept repeating this over and over in her head, and she stroked Maura's warm skin in time with her reassuring chant to herself, but she just couldn't calm down. She lay awake with a burning inside her—desire, and anger, and hatred, conquering any calmness Maura had washed over Jane while she had been awake. Jane kept wishing she could be in Maura's place, be the one with the gunshot wound. It just shouldn't be Maura. It just shouldn't be.

She was just so angry with herself still. She had heard what Maura said in response to Jane's admittance of this, and she loved her for it. And she understood it, but in terms of feeling a need to protect Maura. She wasn't the one who should be protected like Maura insisted. No. Maura was the wonderful, smart, beautiful person. Jane wasn't even nearly as good. The world would be all wrong without Maura, all wrong. Jane couldn't let that happen. Ever.

Maura jerked a little in Jane's arms and Jane looked quickly down, assessing Maura for any problems, glancing at her monitor, then Maura's shut eyes and fairly even breathing. Everything seemed normal. Jane sighed, but then relief was being knocked out of the way by that burning feeling again. Her self-hatred, and the constant worrying over Maura, it was all going to drive her crazy. At least keep her up all night.

What Jane couldn't figure out was why she hadn't realized her love for Maura, love in _that _way, sooner. How could she have missed it? Why had it taken Maura getting shot for Jane to realize? God, she could be so goddamn thick-headed sometimes. She wanted to pound her skull against something hard. She wanted to get up and pace, fired up in anger at her stupid past self who didn't read the signs, who saw everything too late. But even more powerful, was the need to protect Maura, and therefore she would lie in this hospital bed all night with her. She would be here to hold Maura, be here when she needed her.

As if on cue, Maura started moaning, and slowly opened her eyes.

"It's alright, honey, shhh," Jane whispered, as she sat up attentively, all her focus now on Maura.

Maura grimaced as she became increasingly more conscious, clearly uncomfortable. But when she looked up and saw Jane's face, she smiled.

"You feeling okay, Maur?" Jane asked gently, rubbing Maura's back.

"Yes," Maura said while still smiling up at Jane. Then she shifted and winced. "Well, not really, I think I need some more morphine."

Jane kissed Maura's head, wishing she could take the pain all away for herself, and instead did the next best thing: hit the pump to get morphine into Maura's veins.

"Thank you," Maura sighed, already looking a little more relaxed.

Then she turned to face Jane with a serious look. She gently traced the bags under Jane's eyes. Then kissed Jane on the cheek, right below her eye. Jane's eyes fluttered closed and Maura kissed both of her closed eyes. Jane smiled, and kept them shut. She held Maura closer to her, and breathed in her scent, took in her touches that still lingered on her skin. Jane's heart slowed, beat more steadily, and she fell asleep to the rhythmic sound of Maura's breathing.

* * *

Jane was running but she couldn't run fast enough. She was getting nowhere, nowhere. She heard Maura screaming, but she couldn't reach her. Jane's heart was hammering, and as the realization dawned on her that she wouldn't get to Maura in time, it stopped. Just stopped beating. By the time she reached where Maura had been there was an empty space. No Maura. Jane was an empty space. She was no more.

Jane startled violently out of her nightmare. Seeking comfort, her arms reached—and found nothing. She blinked and saw Maura wasn't beside her. Jane bolted upright and searched the hospital room frantically. No Maura. God, no. Was this another nightmare? But it felt so real.

Jane flew off the bed and down the hall, her footsteps pounding. This was all way too similar to her dreams. She frantically hit the elevator button, then unable to wait, ran for the stairs. Her heart beat like a drum against her chest—all she could hear. She ran from the nurse who tried to approach her, clearly concerned. She needed to find Maura. She needed to find Maura now. Jane couldn't think straight. All she could do was run.

Her feet pounded down the steps matching her heartbeat. She ran and ran. She reached the bottom floor, and ran down that hallway. She just couldn't stop running, stop searching. She had abandoned all thought long ago. Jane reached the end of the hallway and ran back up the stairs, holding on to the hope that maybe Maura was back in the room. Maybe Jane was dreaming, maybe... As Jane crashed through the doors that opened to the floor where Maura's room was on, her eyes caught sight of the back of a head just over the top of a wheelchair.

Maura's head.

Jane didn't think she'd ever been so happy to see a head of hair in her entire life.

"Maura!" she cried, not caring about anyone else around her, just needing to reach her.

Maura turned, and her eyes widened in surprise at the sight of Jane.

"Jane? Jane, what's wrong?"

Maura's face looked pale, and she reached for Jane, as she came to a halting stop next to Maura's wheelchair.

Jane couldn't get the words out, just stood there panting, taking in the sight of Maura who looked weary, but overall safe. And although there was a pain in Jane's chest, and she couldn't catch her breath, she felt so happy, so relieved. She took Maura's good hand, stretched out towards her and squeezed, staring into Maura's eyes.

Maura stared back up at her in alarm, seemingly as desperate to touch Jane as she was to touch Maura.

"Jane, what happened? Are you alright?"

"I am now," Jane managed to get out through the deep breaths her lungs yearned for.

Maura looked into Jane's eyes, searching for an answer. Then something seemed to click. She rubbed Jane's arm and then taking her hand again, looked up at the man pushing her wheelchair and told him Jane could take her from here.

"Thank you," she said with a smile as he turned to walk away.

Then she turned all of her attention back to Jane, squeezing her hand as she looked up at her with sincere eyes.

"Jane, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you woke up and I wasn't there. That must have scared you. But I was just downstairs getting some tests done. And I know you hadn't slept in days. I didn't want to wake you."

"Maura, I thought-" Jane stopped as she started contemplating all she had just done. None of it had been logical. No wonder Maura looked a little unnerved. "I don't know, I just—you know what, I'm going to take you back to your room first," Jane finished, with a determined nod.

She pushed Maura the bit of distance down the hallway, using the time to try and collect her thoughts. How was she going to explain this fear she had? She realized how much she had overreacted now that Maura was back in her sight.

They reached the bed and Jane went to lift up Maura, but Maura put a halting hand on her arm.

"Wait, Jane, I'm worried about you. We should talk."

Jane sighed deeply. She had wanted to put this off, but maybe it was better to get it over with. She sat on the bed facing Maura and took in the sight of her broken body. At the sight, anger at herself arose inside her again. Why were they going to focus on Jane's issues when clearly Maura was the number one priority right now.

"How can you be worried about me when you're—" she trailed off as she looked at the bandage and sling around Maura's shoulder.

Maura reached over, and took Jane's hand, squeezed hard. "Jane, I'm fine. I was just getting some more tests done, and everything is turning out normal."

Jane felt a grin spread across her face, a surge of happiness running through her at the news. "That's great, Maur!"

"Yeah, I have more tests lined up, but so far so good," Maura said cheerily, smiling back.

Jane was so overwhelmed with giddiness at the moment, she couldn't help but lean in and kiss that smile. Maura's smile widened as Jane's lips graced hers and then she kissed Jane back. Jane fell contentedly into the kiss, let it fill her, wash away the rest of the anger.

Suddenly, Maura's lips were parting from hers, Maura leaning back. Jane's head filled with confusion, but she let Maura go, falling backwards to look into Maura's eyes, read what was there. She saw love, and was relieved, but she also saw concern.

"Jane, as much as I would love to continue this, we still need to talk."

Jane sighed, and leaned back on her hands, trying to get herself as far as possible from Maura. She really didn't want to have this conversation, feel the flood of emotions pulling her under again.

"Maura, I overreacted. It's nothing. I saw that you weren't in your bed, I panicked because I thought something had happened, and you weren't there, and I wasn't thinking straight so I just ran to look for you. I'm sorry I made you worried. It's nothing. It's you we need to focus on."

Maura put her hand firmly on Jane's knee. Then she looked into Jane's eyes. Right through her.

She simply said, "Jane." That's all. But it was enough to make Jane break. Suddenly, it was all spilling out of her. It was like she no longer had any control.

* * *

Please review if you'd like! I love to read them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Okay, so here's your update as promised. This might be it for about a week though because I'll be away with no real access to a computer. But I believe I'm leaving you on quite a good note, so no worries :) **

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Maura felt the desperation in Jane's kiss, the longing, which made her remember what needed to be addressed. So, Maura pulled back, afraid to abandon the talk they clearly needed to have by getting lost in the taste of Jane, which could easily be done.

She laid her good arm on Jane's shoulder, holding her away so Jane wouldn't tempt her. "Jane, as much as I would love to continue this, we still need to talk."

Jane huffed and pulled back. That's what Maura had been afraid of. Jane hated talking about herself, focusing on her own issues. She was willing to help anyone but herself, as if she wasn't important enough. Maura loved that selflessness, but she also loathed that self-hatred and disrespect Jane sometimes had for herself.

Jane of course deflected, but Maura wasn't letting up. Jane pulled away and she leaned in, touching Jane, letting her know that she wasn't going anywhere.

"Jane," said, letting her know she was listening, letting her know she was here.

Then the words came flowing from Jane's lips, as if she had just been waiting for the right moment to explode. She let Jane talk and talk, just let it all out, even as her heart broke hearing her words.

"I just….I just feel this overwhelming need to protect you, Maura. I always have. Because you are so important. You've always been so important to me. But now this feeling to protect you is just…it's so powerful, even more intense, because I didn't do that, I didn't protect you. I didn't do my job. I failed, and that's how we ended up here in the first place."

Jane suddenly stood, leaving Maura's touch, and Maura's hand seemed to burn from the sudden loss of contact. She longed to beckon Jane back, but instead she listened patiently, watching Jane as she paced around the room, playing nervously with her hands.

"And I know that you say that you were the one who decided to save me, that it isn't my fault. But it is. It is."

At this, Jane halted and stared intently at Maura. Maura stared back, drawn by her gaze, all the while hating her words, hating where this was going.

"I should have seen them coming, them shooting. I should have dove down. _I _should have covered _you._ I should have never even walked out of that building away from you. I should have listened. But I was so scared. I didn't understand these feelings I had for you, and I thought that you didn't feel the same way, and that I was going to ruin our friendship…and I just, I just thought that…that I would lose you. So I ran. I ran from you. Because I'm a coward. And instead of owning up to my feelings for you, I turned away. And then I _really_ almost lost you."

As she spoke her last sentence, Jane's voice fell, and she broke her gaze with Maura, as if she couldn't even bear to look at her anymore. She started pacing again with even more ferocity than before.

"I should have listened to you. I should have paid attention, should have known how you felt, that you feel how I feel about you. I can't believe it took you taking a bullet for me to get it through my thick head. And you know what?"

Jane's voice rose, and Maura jumped a little. Jane whirled around to face her.

"The stupid thing is I _didn't _even realize it right away. I should have known that you love me like I love you right in the second that you saved me. But I didn't realize, because it was too much, and I was afraid I'd lose you. I was so uncertain for days that I would never have you again. And _that's _when I admitted to myself that I was truly in love with you, realized that you were in love with me. And when you come to this realization at a time when everything's uncertain, when you may not have any time left with that person you love… it is the most unbearable…"

Jane shuddered, and closed her eyes, trying to take a breath.

"…I just was…"

A sob escaped Jane's chest. But she breathed in deeply, suppressing it, as if this was her punishment to herself. Maura's throat was tight, her eyes starting to fill with tears. She just wanted to reach out to Jane, to hug her, but she sat still, listening, knowing Jane needed to get all of this out. Jane continued, and looked up to Maura again.

"I thought for so long I wouldn't have you anymore, wouldn't see you smile again. For way too long. I collapsed and I…I couldn't function, and all this anger at myself, and this _fear_ came out," Jane got out, her voice hoarse. She bowed her head again.

"Fear was everywhere, filled up everything. And it still does. I can't seem to shake it. I just can't seem to get over it, Maura. I keep thinking I'm going to lose you." Jane ran a hand through her hair roughly, her body shaking harder.

"I know you're here, and awake and talking to me, and you tell me you're going to be fine, but for so long I didn't know if you would be. And that fear and those thoughts are still there, no matter how irrational it may be. So I guess right now I just can't handle it when you're out of my sight, when I don't see right in front of me, awake and alive."

Jane couldn't stop looking at Maura now, as if she still couldn't believe what she saw in front of her. She held her gaze.

"Because for so long I didn't know if I would see you like this again. You weren't there and I was so lost, and it was all wrong…"

Now Jane bent her head down, pulling at her hair. Her words came out more loudly, her voice quivering with emotion.

"All wrong because of me and I still can't stop hating myself for all of the things I did. For not protecting you. Not realizing….just everything. I don't deserve you, Maura, don't you see?"

That was the breaking point for Maura. There was a lot that Jane had said that was hard to hear, that she wanted to scream no to, wanted to yell at Jane for even thinking. After hearing each word Maura felt an even greater need to hold Jane, to tell her she loved her over and over. But she restrained herself because she knew Jane needed to just release it all. But no, this, _this_ was something Maura couldn't stand by and listen to.

She slowly stood up from her wheelchair with all the strength she had.

Jane looked at her with wide eyes, frozen in place in her shock. "Maura what are you—"

Maura started walking slowly toward her, stubborn and determined, her eyes deadlocked on Jane. "Jane, Jane now you listen to me."

Jane stood still staring wide-eyed at Maura, then she broke out of her daze, and ran over, grabbing hold of Maura's good arm, meeting her half way.

"Maura! What are you doing? You can't be walking right now, please—"

"Listen!"

Jane gripped her arm tight, holding her up, and Maura was grateful for that because she was getting weaker by the second. But she forced herself to stand erect. Jane needed to realize how important this was. She held Jane's eyes and with all of the sincerity and force she could muster she started speaking.

"Jane. You. _You_ saved my life."

Jane closed her eyes and started shaking her head, and Maura grabbed her chin to hold it still, to make Jane stay still and just listen.

"You save my life every day. Every goddamned day."

Jane opened her eyes at this.

"Before I met you, I didn't really have a life. Certainly, I was accomplished, but I wasn't really happy. I didn't know what happiness truly was until I met you, not really. You showed me so many things. How to have fun. Loyalty. What it felt like to let it all go, to truly feel, to have a friend. To love. To love deeply. To be loved. Never, _ever_, say you don't deserve me. Because you know I don't like lies, Jane. And that's simply not true."

She stopped to think how to phrase the next part, lost her concentration when she saw tears forming in Jane's eyes, then found her answer in those exact same tears.

"We're meant for each other. Everything lines up between us, everything matches. It's more like we're like puzzle pieces, you have one side, me another—the opposite. And they fit. And I think…I _know_, you can only find that once in a lifetime. And only if you're lucky."

Jane just stared at Maura for a moment. Maura didn't think she'd ever seen Jane's eyes such a soft brown, so full of love, full of everything. Once, actually. When Maura had woken up.

"Then we're pretty damn lucky, huh?" Jane said, tears freely falling down her face now.

Maura wiped Jane's away, and felt Jane's hand brush away her own tears.

Then they both leaned forward, and their lips met in the middle. If Maura guessed, which she wouldn't, but if she did, she would say it was _exactly_ the middle. And that made her smile. She felt Jane's mouth move tentatively, softly over hers. Maura could taste a thousand apologies on her lips. And she just kept sending Jane back her love. She wanted to take away all of Jane's pain. Her one arm wrapped around her, her body falling naturally into Jane's. She didn't need to breathe, to come up for air, she didn't need anything. Just this. She felt herself letting go, falling more and more into Jane, and then Jane's arms were suddenly scooping her up. Up and away. Maura thought she was flying, and it wasn't the morphine. In fact, her morphine level was probably the lowest it had been all day, and yet this was by far the best she had felt all day. Maybe ever.

She felt her body sink into the bed, Jane still kissing her, her dark curly hair forming a curtain around them, her legs in between Maura's, her hand wrapping around Maura's good one, her other hand deep in Maura's hair.

When Jane broke away, reality took awhile to return back to Maura, that's how high she had soared. Everything was a little out of focus, a little brighter than usual. Maura reached her hand out towards Jane. She couldn't find the words, so she spoke with her body, her eyes. Jane seemed to be shaking, her eyes wide but so bright. Jane grabbed Maura's hand, kissed it, then she slowly lay down next to her. She turned to face Maura, and used one hand to stroke Maura's hair back. Her eyes were serious, as she whispered to Maura.

"I can't hurt you. You need to be calm. You must be so tired. You need sleep."

Jane's voice was soothing, and beautiful, but not as beautiful as those lips of hers.

"But Jane, I'm fine, please—"

Jane quickly cut her off by kissing her fast, hard, like she was stamping her mouth shut. But it made sure the message got there and that was: _I love you, but shut up, this is already so difficult for me. _

Maura closed her eyes and smiled as Jane then kissed her on the nose, and then the forehead.

"Maura?"

"Mmm," Maura said softly. With her eyes closed she could already feel herself drifting. Obviously Jane was right. She really did need to rest.

"I love you."

Maura's eyes opened, and her heart sped up, and she wrapped her one arm as tightly as she could around Jane, pressing herself hard against her, taking in her familiar smell, tangling her own legs with Jane's, as if she could make herself one with Jane.

Then she whispered into Jane's shirt, directly to Jane's heart that beat underneath her, "I love you, too."

* * *

**Please review if you'd like. I was so happy to see some of the ones from last chapter, and I'm always grateful! Also, lots of feelings and thoughts were addressed in this chapter, it's an important one-let me know what you think :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: **wanted to get this up here for you guys! won't be another update until about a week from now (I'm going away again and won't have access to internet). but I will get a lot of writing done hopefully in the meanwhile. Moving onward-not quite sure how much you guys will like this new development (I don't like it okay trust me) but there was enough fluff in the last chapter to hopefully carry you through. thanks so much again for all your comments and support! :)

* * *

**Chapter 16 **

"Jane."

Someone was calling Jane's name, but all she wanted to do is lay with Maura in her arms and sleep.

"Jane." This was louder now, more than a whisper, and someone shook her arm as well.

"Jesus, what?" She whispered harshly, finding herself looking up into Frost's eyes.

Frost was standing there and…she thought about how she was holding Maura, and gently untangled herself, trying to hide the red rising in her cheeks with her mane of hair, shaking it in front of her face. She climbed off the bed, and followed Frost into the hallway, with one last look at a sleeping Maura Isles. She couldn't help smiling.

Then she turned to Frost, face composed.

"What's going on Frost?"

As the words fell out of her mouth, she realized how serious and concerned he looked. This was not good.

"How's the Doc?"

"She's going to be okay. Frost, what's up? What happened with..."

She couldn't even begin to think about that asshole she had handed over to Frost to arrest. The one who probably had a hand in trying to kill her, and in the process, almost killing Maura. Already her mind was spinning. She shook her head, trying to clear everything, as Frost started speaking.

"He won't say much of anything. But, I guess word of mouth traveled fast that he was arrested…or maybe this has nothing to do with that, maybe this all just centers around the case and his gang wanting to handle it to begin with, well it's probably a combination of both—"

"Frost, you're rambling," Jane said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "What happened."

"They—our gang that's all riled up and shit at us, MS13—we are guessing that they are the ones who…your place is an absolute mess, Jane. Door busted in, stuff knocked around and smashed. We figure they went there to finish…find you and finish off what they started."

Jane just stared blankly at him, trying to wrap her head around this.

"Why…wait, what?"

Frost just waited, giving her the time. Also, probably stalling to tell her the rest. She could tell there was more.

"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "Okay, I guess it's not that surprising that they'd want to finish the job of…killing me. I suppose it wouldn't be that difficult for them to find out where I live, I…"

Suddenly her blood ran cold.

"Wait, Frost. They didn't go after any of my family? Or figure out where they live? Please tell me I'm just—"

Her voice was pleading, and she held on tight to Frost's shoulder the more the seconds ticked by and Frost didn't reassure her.

"Jane, listen, everyone's safe. Everyone's okay. Nobody's hurt."

She sighed deeply in relief, but still felt tense, felt her heart beating fast. "But?"

"Frankie's apartment was ransacked too. He got home from work and the place was an absolute mess."

Jane groaned, wiping her hand over her face.

"But he's okay? When did this happen?"

"He's fine. A few hours ago. He ran to your mother's and she wasn't home, but…"

Now the chill was back, on full blast.

"Wait, Maura? Maura's house…they know where Maura lives, they—"

She leaned hard against the wall. Frost gripped her elbow, making sure she didn't fall down on him again.

"Jane. Jane, they found out where you live, what makes you think they wouldn't...okay, listen, your mother's with us, and we're working on this and everything's going to be fine. We have a plan."

Jane looked up at Frost at this, trying to slow her breathing. "What kind of a plan?"

"Ok, well, not a fully formulated one. But we have security detail coming right now to guard Maura's room. We kind of loosely did before just in case—having you always here, and then me and Korsack always checking on her, but now we're taking this really seriously. A few cops throughout the hospital—around the entrances. One always outside the doorway of her room, okay?"

Jane took in this information that gave her a kind of security blanket and held onto it tightly. She nodded.

"Okay, good, okay. I want the best we have protecting her. And protection with my Ma, too?"

"Of course, Jane. She's always going to be with Frankie. And I don't think Frankie's in much danger. His place seemed not nearly as bad as yours—Frankie's looked more like they were searching for some information or something, weren't as angry. And your Ma's place—the door was kicked in, but nothing was touched. Maura's on the other hand…"

"What?"

"Well, it was pretty much as bad as yours. There was a lot of displaced anger and aggression there. But no bullet holes, like yours…"

"_What_?"

"Yea, it seems like they shot through some sofa pillows…"

"Jesus Christ. Okay…okay."

Jane was trying to gather herself, but she was having a hard time. She imagined strangers with guns walking through Maura's house, searching, in Maura's bedroom…

"Alright, so what's our plan? What are we doing about this?"

"Well, we have people going through all of the crime scenes right now, looking for any evidence to nail the bastards. We also are patrolling their streets, but it's like they're mocking us. We haven't been able to get them on much of anything. The few guys we've brought in on minor charges—they've refused to talk. It seems this group is more tight-lipped and organized than we originally thought."

"Okay, none of this is good news or much of a plan, Frost," Jane said, hurriedly.

She couldn't help the biting tone. She was frustrated, she was scared. Frost understood.

"Yeah, Jane it's bad. But that's why we came up with a tentative plan, one you need to consider. It's not going to be easy to hear, but—"

"Spill, Frost, what."

"We need to move you. You're the main target. We need to hide you in a safe house somewhere until—"

Jane wasn't thinking, just feeling. And she was feeling that there was no way she could leave Maura.

"No, uh-uh, no way. I'm fine, I can take care of myself. And I need to be here. I need to help you nail these bastards and I need to be here for Maura. I need to protect her."

"That's just it, Jane. Right now we believe they're mainly after you. Which means by being here, you're putting her in danger."

Frost had Jane by both shoulders now, gripping them tight, trying to make Jane understand. Jane went to protest, but then his words started to reach her, the true meaning of them.

"But Maura, she—is she going to be safe here? You should probably move her too."

"She's okay here for now with our guards. We can move her if we feel we need to when she's feeling better, when she's not in the state she's in now."

Jane broke free from Frost's arms, pacing, and running her hands over and over through her hair. She needed to walk, she needed to think, she needed to be with Maura, lay with her, be with her, just…

No. She needed to protect Maura. First and foremost, she needed to protect Maura. And by staying here she wasn't protecting her. She was hurting her, she was putting her in more danger. She needed to get away from her, as far as possible.

Jane's breath came even faster now as she imagined being away from Maura. She still felt that overwhelming need to see her in order to know she was safe. She turned to look through the window into Maura's room, taking in the sight of her sleeping, safely sleeping. She was safe now. But with Jane around she wasn't really safe, she was in grave danger—_God_, why hadn't she thought of this sooner? Jane was the reason Maura was in the bed to begin with.

Maybe Maura was right—they were meant to be together. Jane's heart ached because she knew Maura was right. But they couldn't be together right now. If Jane loved Maura, she would leave her. She needed to get far, far away from her in order to protect her. This went against Jane's better instincts—running away. She felt a deep longing to stay by Maura's side, watch over her, not let anyone harm her. But logically this didn't make sense. Logically, Jane wouldn't really be protecting her, but endangering her. Maura would think rationally about this if the roles were reversed. Jane needed to do what was best for Maura. And she had already failed to protect her once. She wasn't going to fail again.

"Jane? Jane, breathe okay? It's going to be fine. Just breathe."

She looked up into Frost's worried face and took a deep breath, before trying to make her tongue move, make her mouth form words.

"Okay. Okay, if I go to a safe house, though, you need to promise me that you will protect Maura like she was your own sister. Best manpower, _everything_."

Jane leaned in close to Frost, holding his gaze so he'd be sure to understand.

Frost nodded. "She is family Jane. She _is _like a sister. I won't let anything happen to her. I'll be by her side whenever I possibly can, whenever I'm not at the office working the case. "

Jane weakly smiled at this, pulling Frost close for a quick slap on the back.

"Thanks, Frost. For everything."

Frost smiled at her, then looked down at the ground, unsure how to take this sudden rush of affection from Jane.

"Okay, Frost, so what do we do?"

The words bounced around in Jane's head: _What do we do. _She really didn't know. She was so lost. She was lost already without Maura, just at the thought of no longer being able to be with her.

"What do we do?" She repeated to herself, then slapped her hand over her mouth, trying to get herself to stop staying, to stop thinking those words. She needed to think clearly and rationally, she needed to be strong. Maura needed her to be.

* * *

The location was set, everything was ready to go. But Jane wasn't. And as she stood over Maura watching her sleep, she knew she would never be. She had promised herself, she would never leave Maura again. And she felt nervous still when Maura wasn't right in front of her. She needed to be able to see Maura to calm her nerves, to reassure herself Maura was still here, alive, okay.

Jane stroked Maura's hand and tried not to cry as she thought about being away from Maura for an indefinite time period, thought about Maura waking up to Jane not here. She secretly wished that they would keep Maura on enough morphine that she would sleep through most of it, be unaware of Jane's absence. Jane knew she herself would be painfully aware of the distance between them—she could already feel the ache starting to come on from deep in her chest. She knew it wouldn't go away until Maura was in her arms again.

Oh God, what if she never was? Jane tried not to let the sob escape from her chest. She threw her hand over her mouth to suppress her crying, and slumped into the chair beside the bed, still keeping her eyes on Maura. She tried to memorize the details of her face, every feature, every line. She tried to remember the feeling of holding Maura's hand. This is what she would take with her, this is what she would hold close through all of those lonely nights of uncertainty, of separation.

Frost knocked on the door lightly, and Jane turned to face him, swiping at her eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we gotta go Jane," Frost said quietly.

"Yeah, just one minute Frost," Jane said, with as much composure as possible.

Frost nodded and smiled sympathetically, stepping out the door.

Jane turned back to face Maura and took a shuddering deep breath, trying to focus on how she needed to protect Maura. As much as it killed her to walk away, to let Maura out of her sight, Jane's number one priority was protecting Maura and right now, that meant she needed to leave her.

She hoped Maura would understand. Jane leaned down and gently kissed Maura's cheek, then whispered softly in her ear, _I love you_, hoping it would successfully make its way to Maura's subconscious.

Jane then stood up to go, but Maura shifted in the bed, reaching. She was reaching her hand out across the place where Jane should be laying right now. Jane wrapped Maura's hand in her own. Maura immediately relaxed, wrapping both her hands around Jane's and sighing contentedly. Jane felt her eyes fill with tears again, and shook her head. She gently pried her hand out of Maura's grasp. But she couldn't resist leaving one last kiss on Maura's forehead.

Her last gift to Maura, Jane told herself, was one in disguise—her parting, though Jane was having a hard time viewing it this way. She was having a hard time walking away at all, but she made it out of the hospital on shaky knees.

She was gone with the first sunrays sneaking through the blinds of Maura's window.

* * *

Maura shifted in the bed, reaching for Jane. She winced at the pain that radiated through her body, but reached further, knowing if she could feel Jane beside her, the pain would decrease. But her hand grasped only sheets. She opened her eyes to an empty bed. She opened her eyes to an empty room.

"Jane?" she called out, her voice raspy.

Her throat was dry, and her eyes were bleary, and her shoulder hurt so badly, and she needed Jane, but she was not there. Maura tried to sit up, wincing at the pain that stabbed her like a knife over and over.

She tried not to cry out. She only half succeeded, making her painful cry into Jane's name.

"Jane," she moaned.

Suddenly, Frost was coming into the room. He walked quickly to her bed, and took her hand.

"Hey, doc, how you feeling?"

"Detective Frost."

She stared into his kind eyes, and smiled a little. But they were not Jane's eyes, he was not Jane. She needed Jane.

"Alright. But where's Jane?"

At this, Frost frowned. Maura's heart beat faster, and she squeezed his hand tighter.

"Where is she?"

He shook his head a little, as if looking for the words. Panic built up in Maura's chest. She sat up in bed, fighting the pain, grasping for Frost's arm, looking wildly around for Jane as if she would pop out suddenly.

"Is she alright?"

"Maura, Maura, calm down," Frost said, pushing her gently, but firmly back against the pillows. "It's okay, Jane's okay, I promise. The reason why she isn't here is for her own safety. Alright?"

Frost looked down at the bed before continuing. Maura's heart was still racing. The panic was less now that she knew Jane was alright, but terror was filling her at the suggestion of Frost's words that Jane was not around. Jane was not near her any longer.

"We had Jane moved to a safe location. Someone went through her apartment because they were looking for her. So, we needed to move her some place where they won't know where to find her."

Maura's heart was pounding in her ears. She tried to grasp what Frost was saying, but with all the morphine and all of these powerful emotions that were swirling inside her, she was having trouble focusing.

"Jane is safe."

"Yes."  
"Where is she? I need to see her."

Frost looked at her with concern. "Maura, we moved her to a secure location. You can't see her. You have to stay here and get better."

Everything was getting louder. Everything was drowning his words out, consuming her.

"No. No, I need to see her. I need Jane. She left? She's gone, she's…" Her breath was coming fast now, her heart-monitor beeping too rapidly, a nurse would come in here. A nurse would, but not Jane, and she needed Jane.

"Maura, please calm down. She's okay. Maura," Frost was looming over her now, his brow furrowed, rubbing her arm gently, trying to get her to look at him. But she just couldn't focus. Not without Jane.

"Maura, Maura listen to me. Jane is okay. She left because she would be a danger to you here. She didn't want to put you in danger. And you're safe here. We have protective details around the clock watching over you. Nothing's going to happen to either of you. Nothing's going to happen."

Frost's words were becoming jumbled in her brain. _Danger. She left. Details around the clock watching over you_—but not Jane. She wanted Jane watching over her and she left. And Frost wouldn't say for how long. And Jane was in danger. And she wasn't here.

Maura's vision was blurring now, the pounding in her chest, in her ears, more intense than ever, and then suddenly she was enveloped in black.

* * *

**It would be fabulous if you guys could let me know your thoughts! Thank youuuu **


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, sorry for the wait, but as I explained before I left, I was away this week without internet access. But I was writing A LOT! so hopefully, given that life doesn't get in the way too much, you should have a few more updates coming your way soon :) Thanks for all the ideas and reviews from last chapter! I really do love reading them.

For this chapter, I was inspired a bit by the song called "Gavin's Song" by Marc Broussard. Just incase you're interested and want to give it a listen while you're reading this chapter (it's on youtube!)

P.S. I apologize if there are a lot of mistakes in this-I'm editing on a lot of allergy medication right now so I'm a bit hazy to say the least haha.

* * *

**Chapter 17**

Jane was trying to settle in on the ugly orange couch in this strange house in the middle of the woods, but she just couldn't. She kept bouncing back up and pacing, then sitting back down again. Frost had ordered one guy to stay with her, protect her, but the guy kept watching her and then circling around the house and then staring at her again, and she couldn't handle it so she had told him to leave. Okay, so there may have been some physical persuasiveness involved—she may have pushed him out the door…

Jane pinched her nose and dropped down onto the couch again, lying back and sighing in frustration. She couldn't stop playing with her hands, and she looked down to find the sensitive skin of her scarred palms raw. She sat on them and sighed again.

She had been waiting for an update from Frost for a few hours now. There was nothing to do while she waited. There was only a TV and she had already flipped through all of the channels.

She needed to know what was going on back there. She needed to know what was going on with Maura. All of this waiting and uncertainty was killing her. It felt almost like when she was waiting for Maura to wake up and she hated that feeling, she had never wanted to experience that again.

The temporary phone Frost had given her buzzed and she jumped up like something had bit her.

"Frost?"

"Hey Jane, how's the place?"

"It's fine. How's Maura, Frost?"

"Sorry, we couldn't get you a better place. I know it's kind of dull. But I figured cabin in the woods, pretty hard to get to. And the country is not something our boys are familiar with. It'd be difficult for them to find you."

Jane fidgeted at this useless information, but tried not to lash out at him, after all he had done for her.

"Yep, so Frost, did Maura wake up yet?"

"She's sleeping. Did you kick your protective detail out of the house? He just sent me a text message that you—"

"_Frost_, did she wake up at all yet? Did you tell her? How is she?"

"Jane, you _need _protection. Do you know how hard I worked to get a guy to go with you? No one wanted to because you're so...you know...upset."

Okay, she couldn't take it anymore. And Frost was definitely avoiding. Something was up.

"And I'm going to be even more upset if you don't tell me how Maura is!"

There was silence on the other end for a moment, and Jane thought maybe she had scared him off with the way she had just yelled. But she _really _needed to know. She had to strain to hear his voice when he started talking, it was so soft, almost pacifying.

"Not so good, Jane. She woke up shortly after you left and I told her you needed to leave for awhile for your own protection—"

"Did you tell her I was okay though? Did you tell her I left because—"

"Yea, I told her that you were safe, that you needed to go so you would stay safe. And I told her that you left because it would also be dangerous for her if you stayed. But honestly, she was really out of it. She wasn't grasping much of what I was saying I don't think. She just wanted you. I tried to assure her, but she just—"

Jane's heart was beating so hard, that pain in her chest was growing, throbbing.

"What happened, Frost?" She kept her voice low, trying to control it.

"I don't really know, she panicked I guess. She passed out, they had to give her a lot more morphine, and have been making sure she stays asleep. Just because they're worried about her getting that stressed again, it's just not good for her to be agitated you know, and—"

"Fuck."

Jane sunk into the couch, her head in her hand. How was she protecting Maura by leaving when she clearly needed Jane? She had gotten hurt because Jane left.

"She's okay, though, now, Frost? She's okay, right?" She couldn't control her voice enough to sound like she wasn't about to cry. Because she was.

"Yeah, Jane, they said she was going to be fine. They just need to keep her under, make sure she rests. It's going to be okay."

At Frost trying to soothe her, Jane shook her head and attempted to take control again.

"Okay, okay. Frost, listen. I'm going to write a letter. For Maura. Have one of the unis come out and take it to her. It's important, okay? You know I wouldn't ask otherwise. She needs to hear from me. It will make her feel better. She needs to know—just send someone alright? And then put it right on her bed, so when she wakes up, I'm right there—an explanation is all right there and she doesn't freak out again."

"Yeah. Yeah, alright, Jane."

"Thanks, partner."

* * *

_Dear Maura,_

_ I'm so sorry I had to leave. I'm sorry you had to wake up and I wasn't there. If I could be there, you know I would be. You know I wouldn't leave your side. _

_ But these guys are after me. Not you. And I don't want you getting hurt because of me more than you already have. _

_ We are both safer with me away, in this safe house. You need to stay where you are so you can get better. And now, with me gone, you are no longer in danger. Frost is making sure you get the best protection—just in case. _

_ I wish I could be there. I wish I could hold you and protect you all by myself—but I can't. I'm protecting you more by being away from you. _

_ I miss you every second of every day. _

_ This is the worst timing ever. I wish so badly, I wish with all of my heart, I could be there. __I wish I could hold you until you understood why I need to do this. Please understand._

_ You know you have my heart, Dr. Isles. Keep it safe for me while I'm gone. I'll be back soon. You'll see. _

_All my love, _

_Jane _

Maura grasped onto the piece of paper in her hand. She only needed to read it once to make her chest ache. By the second time, the tears couldn't be stopped, and by the fifth she'd made up her mind.

* * *

"Jane, are you sitting down?"

"What?"

"Just sit down."

"Maura? Is it Maura? Frost, god, Frost, just tell me!" Her voice was rising so high that she could barely understand the words, they sounded terrible to her ears, grinding. Jane curled into herself on the couch, trying to block the world out, trying to only hear Frost.

"She's gone Jane. She's not here, she's not in her bed….And we can't find her."

* * *

Maura gritted her teeth against the pain that radiated through her body. She knew she was being stupid. She knew she could tear her stitches out, or perhaps get an infection, even though the doctors said everything had been healing properly and there were no complications. But after waking up alone in that hospital bed without Jane, she didn't think rationally.

It was as if Jane—figuring out her love for Jane—had wiped all of the logic from Maura Isles lately. She was rash, she was emotional, she didn't think things through. She put herself in front of a bullet, and now she was squeezed in the back of a car under a blanket, biting back the need to cry out at the many potholes that caused her to bounce up and down.

She must be the dumbest genius, just like Jane said. Or just a genius in love. She had been alone for so long. She had been used to it. Even while she had been friends with Jane, there were many nights she was alone, much time she spent by herself, and that was fine. But now that everything between them was out in the open, now that Jane had told her how much she loved her, now that she had fallen asleep soothed by an unstated promise that Jane would never leave her, they would never be apart—Maura couldn't stand being alone.

So she had acted like some kind of criminal, overhearing Frost tell the current detail outside her door to go check on Jane, lying in wait for the changing of the details, breaking free of the wires, somehow maneuvering her way through the building, and avoiding the nurse that came into her room at the warning noise sounded by the disconnected machines. She had followed the detail to the garage, and slipped into his car unnoticed as he caught up with another cop.

Oh, the things even rule followers like Maura would do for love.

She pressed her hand against her shoulder that throbbed and screamed, for she'd been without morphine for quite awhile. This was a longer drive than she had anticipated. Maura squeezed her eyes shut against the pain as her body bounced in the air as they hit another pothole. She thought of Jane. Jane's eyes, her hands, her arms holding her. She would hold her soon.

**Let me know what you thought of this chapter :) **


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, sorry it's been awhile since the last update. I just started a new semester so I've been trying to get settled into my new classes and everything. Didn't want to leave you hanging any longer so here's another chapter, which I hope will calm your nerves a bit. As always, thank you for the reviews! They're much appreciated. Sometimes they help me figure out where to go next in the story. So, thank you.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Chapter Jane flew out the door. She didn't think, she just ran. The cold air shocked her, and she came to a halt. She put her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath, trying to hold the tears in, the sobs that she could feel rising inside of her, along with the panic. Then she pushed herself up straight, and all of the terrible feelings that threatened to control her mind, she pushed back down. She needed to think clearly.

She wiped fiercely at her eyes. Looking down at her hand, she realized she was still clutching her phone. She could hear Frost yelling her name on the other end. It sounded so far away. He wasn't helping her right now. He told her she needed to stay put, but that was the last thing she was going to do. But she'd never make it anywhere on foot, she needed…she ended the call with Frost, then her fingers flew over the keys typing in a number she knew by heart.

"Hey, Frankie, it's me."

"Janie? You shouldn't be calling me, you should—"

"I know, just listen. I need help. Help that only you can give me, because I don't trust anyone else nearly as much, okay, little brother?"

"I thought Frost was taking care of everything with you, he said you were safe and—"

Frankie's voice sounded worried, and he rushed through his words, like he was trying to keep from talking about something.

"Frankie, I know about Maura."

She heard Frankie let out a large breath. "I'm sure she's okay, Jane."

Jane bit her lip hard at the tears that filled up her eyes again, blurring her vision. She couldn't cry. She had to think. She pulled on the anger that she felt burning in her gut, and let that come up instead. If she couldn't hold back her emotions, anger was her best partner. Anger was the only emotion that could help her be productive.

"Frankie," she said, and her voice low and ferocious. "Those guys are after me, and they saw Maura with me. They know where she lives. They _shot _her. I'm not going to just wait around and hope, or pray, or what the fuck ever that she's okay. I need to _know _she's okay. I need to find her. And I need you to come get me and bring me back to Boston so that I can do that."

There was silence for a long moment on the other end. "Okay, Jane," Frankie began, but then she couldn't hear him anymore. She couldn't hear him because a car had pulled up in the driveway and as soon as it stopped the back door had opened and out stumbled Maura.

Jane's phone dropped, her stomach dropped, her heart dropped.

She herself almost dropped onto the ground as she caught Maura in her arms.

* * *

"Maura, Maura, Maura," Jane couldn't stop saying Maura's name, as she gently sat Maura back down in the car seat, nervously running her hands and eyes all over her body, looking for any injuries or harm done. She only felt the stitches underneath the bandage where her bullet wound was and sighed deeply in relief at finding no other injuries.

Maura had been reaching out to Jane the whole time, but only after she was sure that Maura was overall physically in the same piece she left her in, did Jane let herself scoop Maura up in her arms and hold her close. Maura buried her face into Jane's neck and wrapped her good arm around her tightly as Jane carried her into the house.

Jane lay her down gently on the bed. She looked deep into those beautiful hazel eyes she was uncertain just a moment ago that she would ever see again and another overpowering wave of emotion rushed over her. She kissed Maura's forehead, and her hands roamed along her body, as she continued to kiss Maura's cheek, then her neck, all the way down her chest. Jane just couldn't stop touching her, as if she needed to assure herself Maura was real. She couldn't stop kissing her, as if all she needed to breathe in was the scent of Maura's skin. Maura wrapped her arm around Jane, leaning into Jane's kisses.

Then Jane pulled back, looked into Maura's eyes again, then dove into kiss her lips. Maura pulled Jane even closer, as if she was trying to meld them together, but Jane tried to keep her weight off of Maura so as not to hurt her. Jane felt dizzy, lightheaded, and needed to pull back to catch her breath, to collect her thoughts. _How did Maura get here, how did she..._

"Maura, what happened?" Jane asked, her voice raspy. "How did you..."

Maura looked up at her. "I had to—I snuck out while the details were changing shift, I followed the man who I heard Frost direct to go to you, and I got in the car...I needed to see you, I just needed to see you, I know it was stupid, I just couldn't..."

Maura was talking so fast, the words blurring together and Jane couldn't keep up, couldn't wrap her head around it all. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to see through the mix of emotions stirring up inside her, consuming her.

"Maura, you left the hospital when you have a gunshot wound you're still healing from, snuck around the people trying to protect you, and crammed yourself in the backseat of a car for an hour to come to me at a safehouse?"

She was so immensely worried about Maura, and anger was flaring up in her because of it. Anger at the whole situation mostly, anger that Maura was injured and in danger, and she couldn't do anything to stop it. The anger started to seep into her words as she spoke. Jane kept her eyes closed, she just couldn't look at Maura like that right now—her shoulder all wrapped up, the sling. All Jane had wanted was for Maura to be beside her, and here she was, but at what cost?

"To come to me where I am hiding from people who want to kill me, who will probably kill you if they find you with me, who..."

Jane stopped talking and tried to get a hold of her body shaking from her fury, attempted to straighten out her thoughts, and control her voice that was coming out so deep, like a growl. But images of Maura injured flashed in her mind despite her eyes being closed and she was helpless.

Suddenly, there was a hand on her shoulder. The shaking slowed down a bit as a soft voice reached across to her.

"Jane, I'm okay. Please don't be angry. Please don't be angry with me."

At this Jane turned towards the voice, and opened her eyes. Maura was staring up at her, eyes wide. She looked vulnerable, worried, guilty. Jane hated that look on her. She reached up and stroked Maura's cheek.

"Maura, honey, I'm not angry." She took a deep breath. "I mean, I _am _angry, but not at you. I'm mad at the situation."

She smiled a little as she saw Maura relax a bit.

"I was trying to protect you. You were more safe at the hospital. Without me. And you don't have medical supplies here, you don't...shit-"

She couldn't help but pull a little at the loose bandage wrapped around Maura's shoulder, stare underneath it at Maura's stitches, still looking angry, her skin raw.

Maura now put her hand on Jane's cheek, making her look away from her wound into her eyes.

"Jane, I'm alright. I was basically cleared of all danger by the hospital. They just wanted to keep me a bit longer so I'd lie down and not move much. All I really need is some rest, to make sure this heals completely before I do a lot." She winced as she shifted on the bed.

Jane reached out towards her in worry, but Maura smiled reassuringly, and took Jane's outstretched hand in hers, rubbing her thumb against the raised scar.

Jane's heart slowed a bit at the touch, but she could see the pain in Maura's eyes.

"And maybe some clean bandages? Antibiotics? Possibly pain killers? Do you think you could get that? And surely there's some alcohol around the house we could put on my injury in the meantime."

Jane shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"Maura, don't you need a doctor-"

"I'm a doctor, Jane," Maura said, with a raise of her eyebrow. She was half serious, half trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work. Jane still felt the worry consuming her.

"Maura, please, we need to take this seriously. I need to know you're okay. You know how much I want to be with you, right here next to you." At this, she brought their clasped hands towards her heart. "But not at the expense of your health, of you healing properly."

Maura looked right into Jane's eyes. "If you get the supplies, I'll be fine, Jane. Really, sweetheart. I just, I can't _not _be with you. Don't you see?"

Her voice was low now, like she was trying to control her emotions and she kept batting her eyes to push away the tears forming in them. Jane was melting already.

"In the letter, you said I was safer with you gone, that I needed to stay in the hospital to get better—but I won't. I can't get better without you. I can't be okay without you. _Please. _I _need _you."

Now Maura's eyes were closed. Tears ran down her cheeks. Jane thought of Maura waking up all alone after Jane left, freaking out, not understanding, just wanting Jane. She imagined her sneaking out of the hospital, hiding in a car, going through what must have been a lot of pain simply to be with her. Maura was shaking now, as if she feared Jane would say no, as if she would fall apart if she made her leave.

Jane just wanted to hold Maura, to feel her, wipe those tears away. She wanted her safe, she _needed _her safe, but look what had happened when she had left her. Maura had been placed in more danger. And if Jane was being honest, she didn't think she had the strength to say goodbye to her again.

Jane gently stroked Maura's cheek, then leaned in, resting her forehead against Maura's. They sat there for awhile, just relishing in the feeling of being close.

"Okay, baby. Okay," Jane whispered, and kissed Maura softly.

* * *

**...So...let me know your thoughts? Thanks guys**


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: **Just wanted to get another chapter up before things got too crazy with school. So happy you guys seemed to enjoy the last chapter a lot.

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**Chapter 19**

Maura was wrapped in the scent of Jane. Her shoulder throbbed and pain radiated down her arm. All of the pain killers she'd been on had almost worn off by now. But she would suffer through all the pain in the world just to be able to be in Jane's arms. She buried her head even further into Jane's neck. Jane gently stroked her hair and hummed beneath her. Maura softly smiled and fell into the most peaceful sleep she'd had since Jane had left.

* * *

Although, it was almost as hard as leaving Maura in the hospital—but not quite—Jane untangled herself from Maura as soon as she was sure she was fast asleep. She was glad she was able to get some rest. Despite Maura's protests she seemed to be in a good deal of pain, and although Jane had looked high and low for some alcohol to clean Maura's wound, she couldn't find a damn drop anywhere. Maura had looked a little concerned when Jane came back empty handed, but then she had smiled and reassured Jane it was alright. It was probably because she had noticed Jane playing nervously with her scars. Jane hoped Maura didn't seriously need that alcohol. In any case, she needed to get Frost on board with this plan as soon as possible so she could get these supplies for Maura.

The protective detail stood in the hallway pacing back and forth, talking on the phone.

"Hey, who is that?"

He ignored her.

"Hey!" she snapped, and ran up to him to grab the phone from his hands.

"Frost?"

"Jane, what the hell is going on."

"Well, Maura she-"

"I heard. What was she _thinking_."

Jane sighed, trying to figure out how she was going to convince Frost to do what she needed him to.

"I don't know, she wasn't. Maura's not her rational self right now, okay, Frost? And she needs me. She _really_ needs me. You saw how upset she got when she woke up and I wasn't there."

"Yeah, Jane, I did, but she is injured and she needs to get back to the hospital right now. You know she does. Put her in the car and Sherwood will get her back safely, alright? I can't afford sending an ambulance out there and letting more people know where you are...if she's okay enough?"

Okay, this was going to be harder than she thought. She could tell by Frost's tone that he wasn't going to be likely to budge.

"Frost she's fine. She's sleeping right now. All she needs are some bandages and alcohol, some antibiotics," She hesitated before she said the next part, kind of like a question, hoping Frost would get the hint. "And maybe some pain killers?"

"Jane she doesn't need all that to get back to the hospital does she? She'll get that when she gets here. It's better to get her back as fast as possible—"

"No, Frost, she...needs that here. Because she's staying here."

There was silence on the other end for a moment.

"What are you talking about, Jane."

Jane took a deep breath and tried to have an authoritative voice. It was hard though, because she wasn't sure this was the right call herself.

"Frost, Maura's staying here. With me. She needs to be with me. She said she's okay, she just needs what I told you and everything will be fine. She'll be safer with me, and she'll heal faster when I'm with her-"

Frost's voice was calm. But too calm, deadly calm, like he was trying not to explode. "Jane. Maura is not in any way safer with you. She needs to be in a hospital."

"Fine, then I'll come back to the hospital with her."

"No way, Jane! Now I think you've definitely hit your head. You are where you are because people are trying to kill you-"

"Exactly, but she needs to be with _me_. So she needs to stay here. I can protect her better than anyone else can, Frost! Look at what happened when I wasn't around, when you had other people watching her! She snuck out of the hospital and no one even noticed! She got in this guy's car and he had no idea! That could have been one of the killers hiding in the backseat, coming to kill me! This is bullshit, Frost. Nothing happened to her when I was around."

"She was shot, Jane."

Jane started breathing heavily, the floor spinning out beneath her. Frost was not implying what she thought he was.

"Jane." Frost's voice was softer now, almost apologetic. "Jane, I didn't mean-"

"Frost just _please _get me the bandages, antibiotics, and pain meds. I can't send her back. I can't put her through that again."

Her voice was low, almost a whisper, because it was all she could manage, but she knew Frost heard her. There was silence on the other line and she took that as an acceptance. She hung up, coaxed a gun from the detail, and sat down on the edge of the bed where Maura slept. Jane sat rigid and attentive, gun in lap, senses on high alert, searching for anything unusual.

She didn't allow herself to even look at Maura. She didn't deserve that privilege.

* * *

Maura opened eyes and panicked at first when she didn't feel Jane's arms around her. Then she looked up and saw Jane sitting on the bed facing the door, her back to Maura. She sighed in relief. She reached up to stroke Jane's back with her good hand. She frowned at how tense Jane's muscles were, how she jumped at the touch, how she barely looked at Maura, just enough to give her a small smile.

"You're awake," she said, already facing back to the door. "I think the supplies will be coming soon. You feeling okay? You should get some more rest."

Maura winced as she shifted a little closer to Jane on the bed. That made Jane turn around to check on her, but again, only for a second. Maura watched as Jane placed a gun all the way at the end of the bedside table, away from Maura.

Then it all began to hit Maura. Jane had been sitting here protecting her, waiting, gun ready. Ready to shoot anyone who came in here to hurt them.

"Jane, talk to me."

There was silence and then Jane sighed. Her back was still facing Maura as she spoke softly.

"I don't know if I can protect you, Maura. I mean...how do you think you got like this."

She turned around slightly to stare at Maura's bandaged shoulder, then turned away again. Even in that brief moment, Maura had noticed the pain, the guilt in her eyes.

Maura rubbed tiny soothing circles on the small of Jane's back. Jane was still so tense at her touch. Maura sighed and started off slowly.

"We've been through that. This is my fault. Because I'm stubborn and love you more than I love myself. You had no control over this."

Jane's voice was small. "And what if I don't have any control over you getting hurt again? I can't let that happen."

"How many times have you saved my life, Jane."

Maura didn't even ask it as a question. Jane had saved her countless times, there wasn't really an exact number and both of them knew it.

But Jane pulled away from Maura's touch, her voice dropping a bit in anger, rough now.

"Do you know why your life always needs saving, Maura? Because you work with me, spend time with me. It's all because of me."

Maura sat up in the bed more, though it pained her. She held in the cry and moved closer to Jane, right behind her so Jane could feel her there without being touched. Maura tried to make her words controlled, assertive, ignoring the pain.

"Jane Rizzoli, that is ridiculous. _I_ chose my job. My job is about helping you find out who the criminals are and putting them away. And sometimes that means run-ins with them. A lot of those moments had nothing to do with you...except you coming to save me every time. And love me after, heal me, get me back on my feet."

"I couldn't protect you in the warehouse."

The words come like a blow to both of them as they unwillingly remember that terrible day, and the days following. Being apart. But now they were together, stronger than ever. Together they would be fine, it would be fine. Maura knew this in her heart. And she had to make Jane believe that, stop being so hard on herself.

"Okay, enough. I've seen you take down suspects, Jane. I've seen you on alert. You are the best at what you do. You are strong, you are brave, you are loyal, you are beautiful. You are loving."

At this she wrapped her one arm around Jane's middle. At first she felt Jane tense, but then she relaxed into Maura's touch, as she whispered more words.

"I know you love me. You wouldn't let anything happen to me. You are the most protective person I know. There's no one I trust more. What's that thing you talk about—your gut? That's what my gut's telling me right now. And my heart is a pretty overpowering voice, as well at the moment."

She kissed Jane's cheek and then whispered in her ear. "I love you, Jane, I love you."

She rested her chin on Jane's shoulder now, pulling her closer to her. "Please don't do this. Please don't beat yourself up, or withdraw from me. I can't handle either of those...Especially in my condition. Please."

Jane's voice reached her, still deep with emotion, but half playful.

"That's not fair."

She turned to face Maura and the guilt was still there, the worry, but there was also love. Her eyes were a much softer brown than before.

Maura couldn't help but grin. "Who said I played fair?" she teased.

Jane turned and caught Maura around the waist, pretending to be rough, but really so very gentle, as she pushed Maura back against the pillows and proceeded to bite at her neck, making growling noises and lightly tickling Maura.

"Jane!" Maura squealed through her laughter. But she couldn't feel any pain, only love.

* * *

_**Reviews are much appreciated. I love hearing your opinion and input!**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, I wanted to apologize for last chapter's post being all weird. I know you weren't able to get it until like hours after which just sucks. Sorry about that, I don't know what was up, but from what I could tell other people were having trouble posting as well during that time. Anyways, I wanted to get this next section up for you guys. Things are crazy, but I feel I owe you guys this. And truth is I really love sharing this story with you and hearing your thoughts lol :)

* * *

**Chapter 20 **

Jane sat on the bed facing the door, gun resting nearby on the bedside table like a security blanket. She was trying to figure out the best way to keep Maura safe, and although logic told her that she should get Maura back to the hospital, her heart told her everything would be better if they were together. And her heart was winning, because right now Maura's head lay in her lap, a constant reminder of what she just couldn't let go of. She stroked Maura's hair absentmindedly and continued thinking.

Jane heard the front door open and sat up even straighter. She gently, but quickly placed Maura's head back down on the bed, grabbing for the gun and swiftly walking out of the room towards the sound, gun drawn.

She only pointed it down at the ground when she saw it was Frost.

"Frost, give me a heart attack why don't ya, huh?"

"Well, you hung up on me Jane."

"Why didn't your guy tell me you were coming?"

"He's patrolling," he nodded towards the door. "Besides, you knew I was coming."

Jane gave him a small smile and a shrug. She had. She sat down at a bar stool and Frost followed.

"Do you still think this is a good idea?" Frost's voice wasn't accusatory. It was soft, concerned. This was Frost as her friend talking, not as her partner in homicide.

"Yeah, Frost, I..." she tried to think where to begin. She swallowed hard, thinking of how fast her relationship with Maura had changed. She didn't know if she could make Frost understand without explaining the full extent of it, what had made this a whole different ball game. "When Maura got shot I realized something."

She looked down at the table and focused on drawing patterns. "I need Maura."

Frost nodded. "You two are best friends. You have a very close, dependent relationship."

"You sound like Maura," Jane teased to lighten the mood.

They laughed a bit, then Jane looked down again.

"I mean that...I realized I couldn't live without her, Frost. Like literally. I realized that...I loved her. More than I thought. As in more than how you normally love your best friend."

She was afraid to look up at Frost, afraid he wouldn't understand.

"And then she woke up and she told me she loved me in that way too. And we essentially promised each other to always be there. And it's just changed everything. I really can't leave her. I can't believe I did that even once." She sighed. "I honestly don't think I could do it again."

She felt Frost squeeze her hand. Only then did she dare look up at him.

"Well, it's about time, Rizzoli."

She stared at him in awe, mouth hanging open. She knew if Maura was there she'd tell her to close it because it was unattractive and unlady-like, but she couldn't help it. She didn't know what she had expected from Frost, but this was not it.

He laughed a little at her expression. "Everyone's just been waiting for you two to admit it."

Jane raised her eyebrow.

"Oh, come on. You guys were more blind than I thought!"

Frost couldn't help but laugh again. Now, Jane had come somewhat out of the shock and she reached out to playfully punch him in the arm.

"Ow! It's true! It's just in the way you two look at each other. Anybody could see it."

"Who's anybody?" Jane exclaimed, her cheeks starting to flush.

"Well," Frost started out, but then the detail came in, interrupting them.

"Front's all clear. You want me to bring in the supplies from your car?"

That suddenly sobered both Jane and Frost back to the task at hand.

"Nah, just leave them in there, Sherwood. Check the back, will ya?"

They watched him leave, then Jane turned to Frost, those supplies on her mind.

"I'm serious about keeping her with me Frost. Do you have the meds and everything?"

Frost sighed. "Yeah. I want you to understand that I get what you're saying, I do. I know it must be very hard being apart during this crazy, uncertain time. But you need to know, before I give you that bag of stuff, that I don't think this is the best call. I think Maura should be in the hospital. She'd be safer there."

Jane could feel him trying to get her to look at him, but she just kept staring at the table. She thought of Maura's pleas, the light touch of her lips against Jane's skin, like a butterfly's wings. She thought of the way Maura trusted her to protect her, reassured her of her own ability. She snapped her head up to look at Frost, eyes fiery and determined.

"She's safe with me, Frost. Really, she is. And she won't heal better in a hospital if she's without me. Trust me. I know."

She could tell Frost was about to give in, but then the detail burst through the back door out of breath. "I saw a strange car off the road in the back, I don't recognize it at all. And there was movement in the bushes."

"The hideaway, Jane!" Frost called after her.

She was already sprinting towards Maura.

She burst through the door of the bedroom and almost collapsed at the sight of Maura safe and sound, sleeping. She half picked her up and Maura started to wake up, but she was groggy and way too slow for Jane's liking.

"Maura, baby, someone's here. We have to hide."

She had an arm around Maura's waist, holding most of her weight and trying to get her down the stairs to the basement as fast as she could. It was like Maura was still half-awake, almost sleep walking. Maybe she was in a lot of pain from not having pain meds for awhile.

Jane didn't know what it was, but when they were almost all the way down the stairs she couldn't take it anymore. Her heart was about to fall out of her chest. She wanted to run, run, run. She wanted to hide Maura away from any harm.

So she scooped Maura up and ran as fast as she could to the hideout behind the shelf, sliding the wall open and then shut, securing them in there. She lowered Maura gently to the ground, sitting her upright against the wall. She listened, alert, right in front of Maura and ready to pounce. All she could hear was her panting and Maura's slightly labored breathing.

Then she heard a slight shuffle near them that made her blood run cold. Someone was here in the basement.

_Please let it be Frost, please let it be Frost. _She looked down and realized she didn't have a gun. She had been so preoccupied with getting Maura out of there, her hands had been full.

_Shit, Rizzoli! _How the hell was she going to defend them now? She could fight with her fists, had been doing it her whole life, but even _her _swings were no match to a gun. All she could do was hope that it was Frost, and if it wasn't, that they wouldn't find their hiding spot.

She looked back at Maura, but could barely see her in the dark. Maura's head was down, hair falling over her face. She wanted to go to her, but she felt the need to be in front of her, to be as ready as possible.

That was the noise of the shelf being moved, the door sliding open.

Jane's heart was in her throat. Her muscles were tense, she was coiled like a snake, ready to pounce.

The familiar rush of adrenaline was pulsing through her. Jane was a fight kind of girl, not one who fled. She was as ready as she could be at the moment for a fight, her body fully prepared.

The door was pushed open slowly, almost like it was being done so as not to cause a disturbance. Without thinking, Jane rushed at the figure.

He was quick—quicker than she was and that was saying something—caught her by the wrist, slammed her against the wall, closing the door shut behind him. She heard Maura scream as he threw Jane back into the wall. Jane couldn't see Maura, but she felt a rush of air, and then the guy who held her grunted and loosened his grip a bit, just enough for Jane to slip out of his hold. She turned to punch him, but then his voice rang through the air, so familiar, halting her fist.

"It's Doyle! Maura, let go of me, it's your father!"

He groaned and took in a deep breath as Jane could only assume Maura let go of her hold on him from behind.

"Doyle?" Jane squinted through the dark, and finally did see his face. "What the _hell_?"

"I'm sorry I scared you," he said, still leaning over to catch his breath. "But I needed to come in here unnoticed, so no cops would see me-well, besides you. We need to get Maura out of here."

They both turned to Maura who was leaning back against the wall, breathing heavily from the exertion, clutching her arm.

"Maur?" Jane asked, knowing she didn't need to say more to convey what she was asking.

"I'm alright," she breathed.

Jane slowly turned back to Doyle only half-satisfied with the answer.

"Maura's fine here."

"Oh, yeah, I can definitely see that," he scuffed. "Look how easy it was for me to find you, to get at you. You'd both be dead if I was one of the members of the gang." He looked Jane up and down. "And what the hell are you doing without a gun?"

"I...I was a little preoccupied."

He glanced at his daughter. "She's not well, Jane. And she's making you careless."

Jane felt anger burning inside of her. "I can protect her. I've kept her safe for awhile now, protected her much better than you ever do." She moved closer to him, jabbing her finger at his chest. "Where have you been, huh? You just waltz in whenever the hell you feel like it?"

"Jane," Maura warned, and her voice was soft, but forceful.

She knew Maura was telling her to be careful. She was speaking to a mob boss after all. See if she gave a fuck. She could take him down in a second. She had before.

"Yea, I'm not the best father, I know."

"You're not her—"

Doyle cut Jane off just as forcefully. "But I'm here now. Because now I can help her. Right now I can keep her more safe than you and your friends can."

"Oh, yeah? What can you and _your _friends do?" Jane couldn't keep the anger out of her voice.

"First of all, we can hide you better. I can take you to one of our hideouts. You and your cop friends have never found me, detective. Has to be a pretty damn good hiding place don't you think?"

He raised an eyebrow at Jane. She just shrugged in response.

"Plus, I have my guys working now to find out who is responsible for all this. Especially, who got my daughter shot. They'll pay."

"I'll make them pay, Doyle-"

"They'll pay sooner and more harshly if me and my men handle them, Rizzoli."

Jane stared into Doyle's eyes, and saw he was serious, very intense about this. Just as much as she was.

"I know you want them to pay as much as possible."

Jane shook her head, trying not to allow her anger to make her side with a criminal. "Yes, but we have different ideas of justice, you and me."

"Oh, come on, Jane. I know you want to make them bleed, suffer, the way Maura has."

Jane said nothing because she couldn't deny it. But Doyle backed off a bit, knowing how loyal she was to her job. He switched tactics a little.

"My men have already done some underground digging, and we suspect that they may be after Maura now as well—I mean, to kill her."

Jane gasped.

"They're pissed she got away. They're infuriated with you and they must have figured she's important to you when they went through both of your places."

"Fuck." It's the only word Jane could get out.

The floor felt like it was moving under her. She rested her hand against the wall for support.

They wanted Maura dead now, too. She tried to breathe and reassure herself it wasn't for sure. But she couldn't stop the doubts racing through her head of her ability to protect Maura. Now, she was possibly in more danger than Jane had previously thought.

Now, Jane was terrified. Jane Rizzoli. When had fear started taking over her so much? She looked up at Doyle, thought of how he got in here, and realized she wasn't her usual, quick-thinking self. The fear, the worry was tearing at her senses, wiping away her logical mind. She had been so focused on getting Maura out she hadn't even thought to grab a gun. It was mistakes like that she couldn't afford.

She needed to do what was best for Maura. She really disliked the man, but she'd do anything to keep Maura safe. Anything. And if Maura would be safer with Doyle, she'd do it.

She looked behind him searching for Maura, to see if she was okay, what she thought of all this, thinking she had been unusually quiet. Maura was slumped over on the ground. Jane rushed over to her.

"Maura?" she called, panicked.

She gently lifted Maura's chin, and wiped back her hair to see her face. Her forehead was slightly damp. A fever? Jane lightly tapped her on the cheek, willing her to wake up.

"Maura?"

Maura opened her eyes slowly, looking up at Jane, but it seemed to take awhile for her to notice her. "Jane. I think I need those antibiotics."

Jane nodded, swallowing thickly through her fear, not daring to speak.

"She doesn't look good, Jane," Doyle said, his voice concerned. "I've got a doctor on call."

Jane met Doyle's eyes and nodded again, an unspoken agreement that they'd be going with him.

* * *

I really don't like leaving you guys with cliffhangers but this chapter was getting too long. So there it is! Hope you enjoyed. We're entering new territory now! What do you think?


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, I apologize for the wait. I've been swamped with midterms. But I'm on spring break this week so hopefully I'll get some writing done! :)

* * *

**Chapter 21 **

Doyle wanted one of his men to carry Maura out, but Jane refused, holding Maura closer to her body protectively, although she staggered a bit after carrying her for awhile. She wasn't letting go of Maura.

They had gotten around Frost and Sherwood somehow, made it through the back through a wooded area and reached a dark car that pulled away quickly. Now they raced through back roads. Jane still held Maura, cradling her in her lap. Maura kept shivering and Jane tried to keep her warm, holding her to her chest as tightly as possible, but making sure to note her bad shoulder.

"Do you have a blanket, Doyle? She's fucking shivering like crazy."

She almost smiled thinking about how Maura would scold her for cursing if she was awake.

Doyle looked back at them and shook his head, almost sadly. "We'll be there shortly."

Maura seemed smaller, lighter than usual, like she had lost weight. Jane tried to remember the last time she had held Maura, how she would recognize the loss. She just did.

She placed a lingering kiss on Maura's forehead, her eyes filling with tears. Maura was burning up. She looked very pale, and Jane was struck with the image of Maura's white face against the sheets when Jane had first seen her after she was shot. A jolt of fear ran through Jane's body.

"Doyle?" she called again to the front. "Maybe we should go to the hospital. I think she's getting worse and—"

"Jane, we can't. She's not safe there. I'm sure they have someone on watch just waiting for her to come into any of the hospitals in the area." Doyle turned around in his seat, holding Jane's gaze, willing her to trust him. "My doctor is very good. He's gotten people through much worse."

She saw only honesty in a man who she knew built his life dishonestly. She looked down at Maura, trying to sort out what was best for her, but didn't know what other option she had.

She kissed Maura on the forehead again, then clutched her limp body closer to her, bending down, her hair falling like a curtain, her arms a barricade around Maura, as if she was trying with all of her might to shield her from the world.

* * *

Jane paced back and forth outside of the room where Maura lay, waiting for the doctor to hopefully cure her. He had kicked Jane out, saying she was hovering too much, which had enraged her, but Doyle said the guy worked better when he didn't feel like he was under pressure, and had coaxed Jane out.

"You can go back in as soon as he's finished," he promised her. "Maura won't even know you're gone."

For some reason, Jane thought she would. She wrung her hands and sighed deeply in frustration at her uselessness. This was like the hospital all over again. How many goddamned times could she go through this? When was Maura just going to be okay? She slid back against the wall, head in her hands, trying to control her breathing, but again, it was difficult without those eyes to look into.

She tried to think of other things besides worrying about Maura, but her mind just wondered to the fact that she wasn't allowed to contact Frost and now he most definitely was freaking out, thinking they'd got captured, and her family was worrying, and that was all anybody needed.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," she said, almost like a lullaby, a way to release her frustration at all of the shit occurring in her life.

"Rizzoli?" someone suddenly said from beside her.

She startled and looked up to meet the doctor's gaze. She dropped her hands, palms out, as if a sacrifice, showing her willingness to do anything for Maura.

"How is she?"

"She spiked a high fever because her wound was getting infected, mainly because she'd been off the antibiotics for awhile, but also because she was moving around a lot, needed to clean her bandage more often."

"Okay, how bad is that? Is she going to be okay?"

Jane bounced on the balls of her feet. She just needed to know if Maura was going to be alright.

"I have to keep an eye on her, but yes she should be fine with a steady stream of antibiotics. I just gave them to her, plus some fluids and pain meds."

"So, it's looking good?" Jane said, her voice rising in relief.

"Yes, Jane, she'll be fine. She mainly just needs to rest," he said her first name almost as if this would pacify her so she would stop asking him questions and release him. He was already turning to walk away from her as he said this.

She bolted into Maura's room, excitement and hope rushing through her, but stopped short at the sight of Maura lying still in the bed. Maura's arm was bandaged almost as heavily as the first time Jane had walked in to see her after she was shot, and she looked just as tiny and pale as she had. And so still.

It was like the nightmare all over again.

Jane was suffocating, she couldn't breathe. She couldn't handle this. She couldn't do this again, almost lose Maura again. She wanted to run, but she ran towards Maura, gripping the edge of the bed, trying to hold the tears back, trying to take comfort in the fact that Maura was breathing, her heart was beating, but she couldn't stop thinking about how Maura looked just as bad as she had before she woke up from the gunshot wound. How had they come full circle?

Because Jane hadn't protected her like she promised, like Maura had counted on her to. She tried to soothe herself with the doctor's reassuring words but the sight before her washed them all away. She really needed Maura to wake up.

Jane collapsed at the edge of her bed on her knees, unable to stand up any longer. She took Maura's hand, rubbing circles in it over and over, her head pressed down into the blankets, trying to drown out the sound of her own crying.

She only lifted her head up at the squeeze of her palm, the voice that might as well have come from an angel by the shock and joy that radiated through Jane at the sound.

"Jane. It's alright."

Maura was working to open her eyes, knocked out by the pain meds Jane assumed, but her grip on Jane's hand was strong.

"Don't cry, sweet girl. Please don't cry," she said, her voice raspy. "I'm fine. I'll be alright, as long as you're here."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jane managed to get out. "Never, ever again. Promise."

Then she slowly bent over and gently kissed Maura, ran her fingers through her hair.

* * *

Jane was so exhausted. She was very tempted to sleep at Maura's bedside, but now that she was sure Maura was conked out, she went to find Doyle and figure out what was going on with the plan of figuring out who was trying to kill them.

She found him in the kitchen, hovered over a table, talking to a few men. She interrupted him and he took in her tone and attitude and begrudgingly told his crew to leave. She questioned him without any niceties. Jane didn't care, though she knew if Maura was there she'd probably grab her arm, try to stop her confident step.

"I got men watching them from all angles, Rizzoli."

"So do we. Have for days."

"And you ain't got jack shit."

"Well, looks to me like you haven't either."

Doyle stood up straighter, turning to face her. He crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes.

"We got the intel about them probably wanting Maura dead as well."

At the words "Maura" and "dead" next to each other, Jane felt an involuntary chill snake down her spine.

"How solid is that?" She tried not to let her voice quiver the way her insides were.

"If you're asking if we overheard it directly, we didn't. But the way they went through her apartment, we know how criminal gangs think...and there was general talk of 'handling' a cop and then right after that they said something about 'taking care of the other woman'. Doesn't sound good to me. What about you?"

He looked at her, eyebrows raised, almost in a challenge.

Jane nodded, because she didn't trust herself to speak. She couldn't believe this shit. How had she gotten both of them into this? Now they were hiding out in one of the safe-houses of Maura's mob boss father. She'd royally fucked up with this case. It just had spiraled out of her control. She had underestimated this gang, didn't think they would be so tight-lipped, so hard to crack, so vengeful, so dangerous. And she'd put Maura in the line of fire. Literally.

"Goddamn it!" she yelled, slamming her fist on a nearby table. It just came roaring out. She was as surprised at her outburst as Doyle was. He raised his eyebrows at her again, then began to walk out of the room.

Jane fell into a chair, her head in her hands.

"Doyle?" She called after him.

She heard his footsteps stop. She looked up and he had turned around, facing her.

"Please. Please figure this out."

Her voice was vulnerable, but she didn't care. Maura's life was more important than her pride. She saw Doyle's eyes change, lighter than she'd ever seen them, something on the boarder of compassion. He held her gaze, nodded.

"And let me know what I can do."

With that he turned away, waving a hand at her as if sloughing her off.

* * *

Jane walked back into Maura's room to find her restless and uncomfortable, struggling to sit up and look around, her eyes wide and confused.

"Jane? Jane!"

The sound of Maura's voice, so scared and helpless made Jane stumble back for a moment. Then she rushed over to Maura, quick to grab her one shoulder and lightly push her back against the pillows.

"Maura, shhh, it's okay. I'm here, sweetheart, I'm here."

At her voice, Maura's eyes wandered around the room more until they met Jane's. Jane saw much of the panic drain from them, a small smile of relief play on her lips.

"Jane, you're here."

"Yes, right here," Jane said, as she sat down on the bed and squeezed Maura's hand.

"Where were you?"

Maura seemed really out of it, more than she had when she'd woken up the first time. But she should be getting more lucid right?

"I was just in the other room, talking to Doyle. Just for a second."

Maura looked up at her, very perplexed.

"Doyle?"

Jane's heart beat faster, and she reached over to touch Maura's forehead. It was warm, but not nearly as much as before. She sighed a little in relief, and bent over to plant a kiss on her forehead, to feel her temperature again, and just to _feel_ her. Maybe she was out of it from the pain meds? She would have to talk to the doctor.

She pulled away and Maura's eyes were closed, her hand almost limp in Jane's.

"That's it, get some sleep, Maur," Jane whispered, wishing she could do the same herself, but knowing she wouldn't until she was sure Maura was alright. She stayed until she was positive Maura was completely asleep, then went to find the doctor.

* * *

**Reviews encourage me to write more, ya know? So let me know what you think if you have the time :) **


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note: **Ok, here you guys go! Thanks for all your support. I'm still having such a wonderful time writing this and I hope you are enjoying reading it as much.

Special thanks to Terri, fergz1, mrj726, and LOCISVU. you guys are always letting me know your thoughts, and I really appreciate it.

* * *

**Chapter 22**

A few days later, Maura was doing much better. She was more lucid, and feeling cooler, even sitting up in bed. Jane for her part still had barely slept. Again, like in the hospital, she took short power naps at Maura's bedside, but usually she was either sitting there awake and keeping a close eye on Maura's vitals, or she was bothering Doyle.

After the doctor had pronounced Maura's improvement, and the women had grinned at each other, and squeezed their hands in unison in their happiness, Maura had turned back towards the doctor.

"Could you actually check Jane out before you go, please?" she asked politely, turning back towards Jane and looking her up and down in concern.

Jane looked back at Maura incredulous. She wasn't the one who had been shot, or had an infection. "Why?" she asked, dumbfounded.

Maura sighed a little in annoyance, but mostly she just looked concerned. She ran her hand up and down Jane's arm as she spoke.

"Because Jane, you've been very stressed and it has definitely taken a toll on your body. You had a concussion recently, and you-"

"How did you know about that?"

"Honestly, Jane, you didn't think I noticed the bump on your forehead?"

Jane raised her eyebrow. That lump had been mostly gone by the time Maura woke up.

"Okay, so I asked a nurse," Maura shrugged, giving Jane a small smile.

Jane couldn't help but smile back.

"And I know you haven't been sleeping at all, just look at those bags under your eyes."

At this she gently reached out and traced her fingers under Jane's eyes. Jane just looked into Maura's eyes, now a deep green—fully of worry.

"And..."

Now, she tugged at Jane's hands until she was closer, and grabbed her by the waist. Maura frowned, and then pulled Jane so that she was sitting down on the bed next to her.

"You've lost weight, Jane. Even more since the hospital. You haven't been eating at _all_ have you?"

Maura looked up at her, eyes full of concern, and Jane thought she'd melt at the sight. Jane couldn't eat when she was stressed, but she'd do anything to wipe that look off Maura's face.

"I've just been worried. I'll eat, alright? I'll eat." She feigned annoyance.

The doctor cleared his throat. They both turned to him, clearly having forgotten he was there.

"I'll take a look at her, okay?"

With that, he took Jane by the arm and led her out of the room. As they walked through the doors, Jane turned to glare at Maura in irritation, but Maura smiled a bit and waved, and Jane knew right then and there that she would do anything for her. She'd known that before, but now she was certain. There was no doubt in her mind.

* * *

Jane was lying on a bed staring at the ceiling, her thoughts going round and round. The doctor had finished examining her, pronounced her as fine-just in need of some nutrition and rest. Rest. Now that was a novel idea. Jane was tempted to just lay here forever. Her muscles screamed in protest every time she tried to stand up, her head swam. It was like she'd been so focused on Maura for days, that she hadn't noticed her body's cries for help until Maura had pointed them out, and she'd finally stopped to notice. And now everything hurt and she just wanted to curl up into a ball for days. Preferably next to Maura, taking in her familiar scent, soothed by the sound of her breathing. This thought was the only thing that propelled Jane off of the bed. She walked slowly down the hallway to Maura's room and peeked her head in. The doctor was talking with Maura. They both turned to look at Jane, Maura smiling, the doctor moving to leave. He gave Jane a nod as he walked out.

"So do I have a clean bill of health, doctor?" Jane said with a raise of her eyebrow, her voice husky with exhaustion.

She slowly crawled onto Maura's bed and Maura shifted over to make room for her, already reaching up her one arm towards Jane automatically.

Maura smiled a little at Jane's playfulness, but shook her head as she thought of the things the doctor said.

"You _need_ nutrients, Jane. Promise me you'll eat. And sleep."

Jane had settled on the bed by now. They lay facing each other, knees touching. Maura reached out a delicate finger and traced underneath Jane's eyes than around her face, her touch gentle, her gaze serious.

"I told you I would, Maur."

She caught Maura's finger in her hand and pressed it to her lips, kissing it, then spreading out her fingers and kissing her palm.

"I'm really, really tired. All I want to do right now is sleep. Here, with you. Alright?"

Maura scooted closer, a small smile gracing her lips. "Yes, I think that'd be good for both of us."

Jane leaned her whole body towards Maura, like a flower drawn towards the sun, kissed her forehead. Maura tucked her head against Jane's shoulder, underneath her chin and Jane wrapped a gentle arm around Maura's waist. They fell into a deep slumber almost instantly.

* * *

Jane was pissed. She wanted to be warm in bed with Maura, not out here in a ragged tshirt and sweatpants, her bare feet cold on the kitchen tiles, trying to maintain her posture in front of a group of men looking to prove something.

She sighed for the third time, deep and heavy.

Doyle nodded his head.

"Jane, listen. I'll make this short and sweet."

Jane raised her eyebrow at the word. "You, sweet, Doyle?"

"Ha ha," he muttered. "Do you want a hand in this or not?"

Jane straightened her position and tried to convey a more business-like manner. This was Maura's safety they were talking about, so she was all in.

"Yeah. Yeah, Doyle, I'm listening."

He studied her for a moment as if to read her sincerity, than seemingly satisfied he grunted, nodded and began.

"We've been on their ass, and after another few days haven't got shit. Well, it's time to get _up _their ass. They definitely want to…take care of Maura. Permanently."

Jane felt a rush of breath fly out of her mouth and leave her barely holding herself up against the counter. She closed her eyes to try and steady her breathing. She had to stay strong. Stay strong for Maura. With this thought, her eyes flew open.

"I'll do anything. What do you need me to do."

She was practically begging Doyle, her tough cop persona vanished into thin air. Now she stood bare, simply Maura's best friend…lover.

Doyle nodded at her seriousness, and there seemed to be more sincerity than usual in that nod.

"Me and my guys are going to approach them. Tell them we've heard that they want you dead, and that we want you dead just as badly. You're a detective, always trampling on our turf. We'll tell them we have a plan to capture you. And if they pay us, we'll bring you to them, and they can have a share in the killing."

Jane nodded sharply. "That way we find out who their leader is, the controls of the group, who to watch more closely. But without having proof to tie them to a crime, our hands are still bound…"

"That's why we actually arrange a meeting spot and bring you to them. When the time comes, you tell your closest partners—one or two at most—that you have a plan, that you're going to have the gang members for them to capture. You let them know where the exchange is going down. They pretend they get an anonymous tip, bust in with all your noble friends and take down the gang."

Jane stood thinking, rubbing her forehead. "But how do you get out of there without getting arrested? I know that your freedom is important to you," she said with a little smirk. It was all she had. She could feel the middle of her starting to unravel, and she wanted to sew some of herself back together.

"Don't worry, Detective. We'll plan it so it looks like we were never there. All we need is for you to agree to be gagged, bound, the whole shebang. To make it look real of course. This might be our best way of catching them, Jane."

Jane held her gaze with Doyle, all of the jiving gone. She was reading him, making sure he was serious. He was.

"For Maura," she said, with a determined nod, and turned back away down the hall.

"I know," she heard him say, almost wistfully.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: **Hey guys! Okay, here's another update. It's short, but it took me a long time to compose and it's important and I'm really hoping you all like it. Listen to the song "Lick the Palm of the Burning Handshake" for the first section if you want to get the full effect. For some reason, it was crucial in me writing that part-I just kept playing it over and over.

Anyway, please let me know what you think! :) I'm particularly interested to hear your thoughts about this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 23**

Jane was vibrating as she walked down the hall—in fear, in fury. Everything was blurry in front of her, the dark was closing in. They wanted Maura dead. Dead. She shook her head, and leaned against a wall, overwhelmed, and slid down it.

_No, no, get up you idiot. You're what stands between them and her. It all falls on you_. She put her hands on her knees and pushed up, letting out a breath.

Suddenly a new feeling spread through her, all of her limbs. She needed to see Maura, to feel her, to touch her, feel her _alive_.

Jane rushed into the room. She felt like she was pulsing. The only way to satisfy this feeling, this pain, everything that surrounded her was to just _be _with Maura. She climbed stealthily on the bed stretching herself towards a sleeping Maura.

So gently, she didn't know how she restrained herself, Jane bent down and softly kissed Maura's lips. Maura slowly opened her eyes and smiled up at Jane. But her smile faded, the longer she looked at her.

"Jane, honey," she said, brushing her good hand along Jane's arm, making a chill run down her spine. She was making it worse.

"What's wrong?"

Jane couldn't speak. She couldn't use words. Words betrayed her.

"You're trembling," Maura said, sitting up in her concern. She slid her hand down Jane's arm and grasped Jane's hand in hers, pulling her closer. "Sweetheart, talk to me."

Jane's body was betraying her too. She looked at Maura's forehead creased with concern, and Jane hated it. She just wanted to stop all the pain, all the shit they were going through. She just wanted it to just be back to the way it was…curled up on Maura's couch laughing about something ridiculous. But she wanted this freeness that was now between them along with it. She wanted all the secrets, all the love out in the open.

Love. That was what they had in this situation, their strongest asset. She was going to use it. She needed it so badly, she could feel her body bending forward towards Maura as if on its own accord.

She captured Maura's face in her hands and kissed her. Hard. Trying to fill her empty spaces by filling Maura's mouth. Maura was surprised at first, but then her hand wrapped in Jane's hair, pulling her closer and closer. She bit Maura's lip and Maura moaned, which automatically made Jane moan. She pressed up against Maura, more than she had dared since Maura had gotten shot. She just had to feel Maura's body against hers. She ached all over. But she felt warm and wonderful wherever their skin touched, relished in the feeling of Maura's legs intertwining with hers. Only Maura was able to stop this anxiety, this fear of loss that shook her. She ran one hand slowly up Maura's shirt, gently rubbing her right breast. Maura pressed up further against her in response. That filled up one hole.

She sighed against Maura's lips. Jane's hand slipped down, tracing lines on Maura's stomach. She pulled lightly at the string of Maura's sweatpants and slowly felt her way down. She wasn't thinking, just doing. Wrapped up in the taste of Maura, the smell of her, the feeling of her pressed up against her more and more, hearing her sweet moans. She needed to be as close to Maura as possible, feel as much of her as she could.

She gently slid one finger, then another, inside Maura, craving and needing, and finding relief here. She felt Maura collapse under her, fall up and down, as Jane started a rhythm. She didn't think. Maura moving against Jane, pressing against her—Jane found there was a natural rhythm between them. She wasn't surprised at all. It was like everything else—they were so in sync. She looked down into those hazel eyes of Maura's and saw everything she wanted in life.

And then she imagined it all gone, and she couldn't breathe. She just wanted to fill Maura up, because that was what would make Jane whole, so she rocked back and forth harder and harder, until finally she felt Maura's grip on Jane's back tightening, her nails digging into skin and it felt so real, so good. Then Maura's hold on her released a little as she let herself go, and Jane watched her eyes come alight, felt Maura tremble underneath her. But not like Jane herself had before. No, this was the kind of shaking that resulted from so much pent up goodness and light. Jane could feel it bursting all around her, as Maura continued to shake. Jane held her close, as close as she dared, always watching out for her shoulder. She felt Maura slowly coming back down, and all of a sudden her name was the only thing in Jane's head.

"Maura, Maura, Maura," she whispered, into the room, so it would know what it was like to be filled up with this wonderful two syllable name, while she held Maura tight against her. She whispered her name into Maura's hair until Maura's lips found hers again, and her lips were busy doing something even better.

* * *

Maura lay in Jane's arms and all was right. She couldn't describe it any other way. Yes, they were in quite a terrible situation right now. She had a gunshot wound, and her biological father was hosting them so that they could hide from gang members who wanted to kill Jane, and possibly injure her. But in Jane's arms she felt safe. Like it was all going to be okay, good even, which was completely irrational. And the way Jane had gone inside her before, made her feel like she was falling off the face of the earth, into an endless abyss of ecstasy….God, this woman would be the end of her.

Maura would come to a complete end if Jane wasn't always with her. At the thought of not having her, she pressed her nose more into Jane's neck, memorizing her smell. She registered a bit of pain in her shoulder at the movement—probably from all of the motion she and Jane had just been involved in…but it had been worth it. Very much so. So Maura sighed contently despite everything that was wrong.

At this, a sleeping Jane shifted, and slowly awoke.

"You alright?"

"Mhmm," Maura replied lazily, pressing her lips against Jane's neck. "How about you?"

"More than alright if you keep doing that," Jane said, her voice even more husky with sleep than usual.

This sent a pleasant chill through Maura's body. Jane shifted and pressed a kiss on top of Maura's head.

"Do you know how much I love you?" Jane whispered into her hair.

Maura grinned. "How much?"

"Guess," Jane said, her voice slightly playful.

"You know I don't guess, Jane," Maura said, trying to be serious, but there was laughter in her voice.

"Okay, well, do it for me. Just for fun, come on," Jane said, and poked Maura's good side.

Maura squealed a bit and giggled. "Okay." She knew that when push came to shove she would always end up doing whatever Jane wanted her to, and this could be fun.

"As much as a blue whale weighs."

Maura now lay with her head against Jane's chest and she delighted in the feeling of the rumble of Jane's laugh underneath her.

"And how much would that be?"

"Well, it is the largest creature on earth, weighing 170 tons, and its heart is the size of a small car."

"My heart feels that big when I'm around you," Jane said softly, as if it was a secret.

Maura felt her own heart make its presence, thumping hard.

"But, that's not how much I love you. I love you more."

Maura laughed and thought. "The distance to the moon and back?"

She felt Jane's curls slide across her face as Jane shook her head. "Nope, more."

She giggled again and turned to look up at Jane. Jane looked down at her, all seriousness, and no games. But her eyes were bright, full of something Maura realized they only really were tinted with when Jane looked at her. This made Maura feel too much, so she focused on the game at hand, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Jane," she whined. "You don't even know how far the distance is from the earth to the moon. It's quite an enormous amount—"

"Doesn't matter," Jane cut in, shrugging. "I love you more than that." She bent down and gently kissed Maura's shoulder.

Maura quickly wiped away the tear from her eye before Jane could see it. She finally fell asleep with Jane's lips on the crown of her head, weaving love through her hair, with Jane's hand rubbing smooth circles up and down her back, sending waves of burning passion through her bones.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: **Hi, it's been a crazy few weeks, but I really wanted to update this for you guys! It's a decently long section yay. I was so happy with the positive response towards the last chapter :) Thanks to all of you who've been sticking with me this long. I probably don't convey this enough, but it means a lot to me that you guys keep reading this story. Hope you continue to enjoy it!

* * *

**Chapter 24**

Maura had woken up with a smile that quickly turned into a frown when she realized she was no longer wrapped up in Jane's arms. She slowly lifted herself out of bed, still stiff and sore even while on pain meds, and involuntarily hissed as pain jolted through her when she moved her shoulder too much. But she was definitely improving. She didn't need anybody's help getting around anymore, even though often times Jane still insisted.

Maura Isles was a big girl. And she really needed to pee. Coming out of the bathroom she heard the sound of voices rising down the hallway.

Doyle's controlling, loud, frustrated. "No, Bernard, you dumbass, we have to make sure Jane's bound in a way that _looks _realistic, but that's not going to completely restrain her so she can get the fuck out when she needs."

Jane's—equally frustrated, and just as commanding, but coming in quieter tones. "Will you lower your voice, Doyle? Jesus. I haven't told Maura yet. And I don't want her finding—"

"Finding out what?" Maura said, as she came to rest in the doorway of the kitchen.

Something was eating its way up inside her. Anger? Fear? It sliced through her words. Jane flinched a little as Maura turned her gaze from the large group of men to look at Jane specifically.

"Find out what, Jane."

Jane looked scared, wary. "Maura, I was going to tell you, alright? I was just waiting until you felt better."

She held out her hands palms up, and spoke in a low voice, as if trying to pacify Maura like she was child. And for some reason this made Maura angrier.

"Tell me _what_, Jane?"

She didn't mean it to come out so harsh, but part of her did. She was slipping into her clinical mode, her business mode. She wanted an answer and she wanted it now. She doesn't like being treated like she was incompetent.

"Maur, I don't think we should discuss it now—"

"Why not? I got shot in the shoulder, not the brain. Tell me. What the hell is going on."

"Maura, I know you're perfectly capable of…" Jane dropped her hands to her sides, sighed, ran her fingers through her hair. She looked back up at Maura.

"Okay. We came up with a plan to bring down the gang. It's the only one we got. Doyle's going to tell their gang that he's going to capture me. He'll ask them if they want to meet up and…do what they want with me…for a fee. That way we lure them in and then—"

But Maura couldn't stand to hear anymore. There were so many things that needed to be clarified. Jane surely couldn't mean what she thought. She held up her hand. "Wait, back up." She turned to Doyle. "Are you telling me that you're going to use Jane as bait? That's your best goddamn plan?"

She focused her wrath, her anger, her fear on Doyle. "Please tell me that's not the case."

In that moment, Doyle didn't look like a mob boss. He looked concerned, a little defeated. "I'm sorry Maura, but yes, that's the best plan we have. It's the best way we have to draw them out, find out who's the boss, who really wanted Jane dead. "

Maura couldn't help but flinch at those two words together. Jane. Dead. They pierced through her skin, more painful than the ache in her shoulder.

"We need to make it look like we captured Jane, make it look real so they don't get spooked. This seems to be the only way we have left to catch them so we can put them away and this can be over."

Maura was seething. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She trembled in fear and in anger.

"It's not going to be _over _by you putting _my girlfriend_'s ass on the line. No way. No goddamn way." Her voice was steady, loud, piercing, rising above everything else.

She only caught a glimpse of Jane's stunned face before she whipped around and stormed off towards the bedroom—with not as much grace or movement as she'd like, for the pain meds made her hazy and she was a little off balance with her injured shoulder.

She heard Jane swear and yell a little, and knew it wouldn't take long until she heard Jane's footsteps right behind her.

As Maura began to turn into her room she could feel the rush of air as Jane got closer, could almost feel her hand on her arm before Jane touched her and swung her around.

"Maura, let me explain, alright?"

Maura looked up into Jane's pleading eyes and knew if she kept staring at them the fire in her chest would burn out. So she turned away and walked into the bedroom. Jane sighed and shuffled in behind her, shutting the door.

She looked at the floor, then up at Maura. She stood as if offering herself to Maura—her arms spread out towards her, open and ready to take anything, her facial expression one of concern, a million apologies. Already beating herself up. Self-sacrificing. That was Jane all the way. Putting a million holes in herself so her loved ones wouldn't have to bleed.

It almost made Maura want to run into her arms and make love and just forget about the whole thing. It also made her angrier. It was exactly the reason why she was so pissed and upset, and worried.

"Maura, I was going to tell you today. I wanted to tell you once we had worked out the logistics and it was for sure. I didn't want to worry you if I didn't have to, you're still getting better and I—"

"So, you were going to tell me?"

Jane raised her eyebrow confused, wondering what kind of trap this was. "Well, yea, I—"

"But you weren't going to _discuss_ it with me, see what I thought about it."

Jane seemed to deflate. "Well, Maura, I—I knew you wouldn't like the idea."

"So you were just going to tell me and then go ahead and do it—doesn't matter what I think."

Maura threw her hands up in the air, unable to help the angry tone in her voice. Jane should have _talked _to her.

"Maura, I care about what you think." Jane was trying to tread lightly. "I do, but I knew in this situation it would be hard for you to understand that this is really the best plan we have right now. This is what needs to be done. Even though it's—"

"Do _not _tell me this is the only thing we can do Jane, because it isn't." Maura had been feeling the anger rising in her chest, bubbling, and now it was overflowing. She was a volcano erupting lava all over the room. "I'm so _sick _of you putting yourself in the crossfire, of you just gliding into dangerous situations like they are nothing and everything is going to be fine, and—"

"Maura—"

But no, she couldn't stand to look at Jane's eyes right now, wide and hurt and angry all at once. "You can't do this. No. It's just _idiotic_! You need to stop being stupid and reckless. And just—_no_, Jane! You're not—"

"I have to!" Jane suddenly exploded. Throughout this, she had been relatively calm and collected, trying to keep Maura from getting too worked up. But now she was red and pulsing and moving quickly across the room towards Maura, jabbing a finger at her own chest.

"It's _my fault_, Maura! It's my fault we're here. It's my fault you were shot. And so _I _have to end this. _I_ have to make it right."

Jane had come to a stop inches from Maura, vibrating.

It was as if Jane's sudden anger had flipped a switch in Maura. All the anger receded from her. She slowly reached out and took Jane's shaking hand in hers, at first gently then holding on tight. She stared at their hands intertwined then looked up in Jane's eyes shocked by all the emotion she found there.

"It's not your fault," she whispered, trying to keep eye contact with Jane. When Jane looked down, Maura reached up to cup Jane's face, tilting her chin up to meet her eyes.

"Jane. Listen to me. We've been through this. It is _not _your fault." As she continued she stroked Jane's cheek with her thumb, trying to make her voice just as soothing. "And we're fine, we're both fine. So why not keep it that way?"

Jane searched her eyes. Maura reveled in how deep Jane's eyes were. Rich with so much emotion. She didn't know how they could hold so much at once.

"Because we can't stay like this, Maur—hiding away with Doyle, our lives in danger. _Your life_ is in danger."

Maura went to speak, but then suddenly the way Jane had said those words hit her.

"What do you mean?"

"We found out—" Jane moved away from Maura a bit, looked at the ground. Maura waited, but nothing came out. Maura's heart rate was speeding up.

"Jane, what? Tell me." She tried to keep her voice calm, keep herself from moving towards Jane and grasping her.

"Doyle confirmed they have a hit out on you, too." Jane lets it all out in a rush, with a deep sigh. "It's not just me."

Maura felt her breath hitch for a second when Jane finally looked up at her. Her eyes were still full of such raw emotion but now they were full of anger, such anguish. Maura couldn't look away.

"Okay," she began, stumbling over her words, her thoughts. "Okay, but we're still safer hiding in this house. This is a terrible plan, Jane," she said, trying to make her see reason, already panicking. "We need to come up with a better plan."

Jane took Maura's good hand, squeezing it for emphasis. "This is the best shot we got. And this is my responsibility. I gotta do this."

These last few words sent Maura spinning off into a whirlwind of emotion again.

* * *

Jane flinched as Maura tore away from her. She hadn't expected that violent of a reaction. She thought she'd calmed down somewhat.

Maura had walked to the other side of the room and was now facing the wall. She was shaking. Jane remembered the way Maura had gone off in the kitchen and braced herself. But a minute passed and nothing happened.

"Maur?" she called out tentatively. She wanted to begin in a way that wouldn't rise up any more heat.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to talk to you about this sooner. I should have. That's my mistake. We're together now…partners…more than we were before and you're right I should have discussed this with you. I guess I was just afraid of…well a reaction similar to this," Jane said, with a shrug and a nervous laugh.

Maura looked so small over there by herself, her back to Jane, her limbs vibrating, one arm grabbing her bad shoulder. It probably hurt from all this exertion. Jane felt the urge to go over and hold her, to be as close as possible to her, take care of her. So much. But she wasn't sure if that's what Maura wanted.

"Maura, I—I want you to know that I still feel the need to follow through with this plan, but we'll discuss it. I think that right now though, maybe we should just take a break. Why don't you come lie down." She approached slowly. "Are you feeling, okay, honey?"

Maura suddenly spun around, tears glistening in her eyes. Jane was taken aback by Maura's crying, by her eyes—they were beautiful, a soft light brown, vulnerable.

"Maur—" she breathed, her hands out, her eyes never leaving Maura's.

But Maura spoke in a wavering voice. "Jane, please. You can't do this. Don't you understand? I can't go through that again."

The tears were spilling over and her breath was coming in hitches. Jane couldn't hold back anymore. She rushed to Maura alarmed and gently took her in her arms. She felt Maura's shoulders falling up and down as she cried.

"I can't, you can't," she took a deep breath and Jane nodded against her, whispering in her ear.

"Shh, it's okay, take your time, it's alright."

"I just felt so _helpless _when you—you shot yourself outside the station." Jane shudders in surprise at the memory. "Even more so in a way, I felt it when Dominique kidnapped you. I wasn't held captive by anything, I simply couldn't reach you. When you were tied up and held down. And the time with Hoyt…" The name makes Jane clutch Maura tighter to her chest. "But, but Dominique was the worst in a way. Because here I was free and able to help, but unable to reach you, and you're so helpless, and he could do terrible things to you…" Maura sobbed harder. She was beginning to talk as though she was currently there in that horrible moment and this terrified Jane. She tried to soothe Maura by rubbing circles on her back and holding her tighter, grounding her. "And I just want to—I_ need_ to be there with you and take away your pain. I need to save you, but I can't Jane."

"No, you saved me, Maur, you saved me," she whispered fiercely in Maura's ear.

But Maura continued, her voice wavering and pleading. "You can't go in there and be tied up in front of all those monsters and I'm just sitting here, doing nothing, unable to help you." Jane nodded because she got it. Now, she understood where all this emotion was coming from. She rocked Maura in her arms, and tried to think of what to do.

Maura suddenly pulled back from Jane, and Jane looked down at her, frowning at her red eyes, and wiping her palms delicately across Maura's cheeks.

"If you're doing this, I have to be there," Maura said, her voice worn out and low from crying.

Jane stepped back a little in shock. "What?"

But Maura clung to her arm. "Jane, I need to be able to know I can help you if you're in danger. I need to feel like I can do something."

Jane pictured Maura in a room with a million scumbags and involuntarily shook her head at the thought. "No, Maura, no way."

She tried to come up with an argument. "You're not well enough!"

Maura knew it.

"I'm fine, Jane," Maura said, sounding more like her old assertive self again. "I'll stay up above with a few of the snipers, you know, behind the scenes and out of sight. And out of harms way, alright?"

But Jane just stared back. "Snipers?"

Maura rolled her eyes and Jane smiled a little. "Oh please tell me that you thought of having snipers. Just in case a few of the gang members try to pull some dumb moves? You have men on an upper level, hiding away so they can take them out in one clean shot. Doyle must have some pretty fantastic shooters. Then I can assist them with my knowledge of targeting and I can be an extra set of eyes to scout out any problems."

Jane couldn't help but just watch Maura lecture.

"What?" Maura asked, slightly smiling.

"Nothing," Jane said, shaking her head and wrapping her arms around Maura's waist, then staring down at her with a serious gaze. "Alright. If you stay _completely _out of sight, guarded by a few guys with rifles that _I _approve of, you come with us. And then I can do this." Jane posed this half as a question. Maura understood.

She nodded and folded herself into Jane. They stood there for a minute just holding and breathing in each other.

Then Jane couldn't help but let out a little laugh. She had thought about the conversation they just had with Doyle. Maura shifted to look up at her.

"What?" she asked, perplexed.

"What you said to Doyle earlier. You were very possessive of my ass. Told him he wasn't putting your girlfriend's ass on the line."

"Yeah, it's my ass," Maura said, matter-of-factly as she slid her hand over the back of Jane's jeans and squeezed.

"Maura!" Jane cried, laughing, and Maura giggled and squealed as Jane picked her up and swung her around.

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**Review if you'd like! Any thoughts/ideas for what's to come-with the meeting and all that? It's a bit up in the air atm :) **


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Hello, lovely people. I'm so sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Things were crazy at the end of this semester because I graduated college! And a lot of things had to be prepared for that, but anyway, I'm back and hopefully I'll have some more time to write this story now. It's a challenge, it's exciting for me to write, and I love hearing your responses!**

* * *

**Chapter 25**

Jane just couldn't find the oblivion of sleep. Even though Maura was safe in her arms, fast asleep—healthier than she'd been in forever. And she knew she was exhausted. She and Maura had spent a full day on and off sleeping and lying in bed yesterday, but her body still was completely wiped out from the immense stress it had been in for so long, and the amount of hours of sleep she had missed.

But her mind just wouldn't shut off. Now that they had some type of plan to get out of this mess and she wasn't fretting about how to let Maura know, and now that she wasn't as hazy after finally getting some sleep, she just couldn't stop thinking about what was going on back at home with her family. Her Ma was probably a wreck. They all most likely thought Maura and Jane were taken by the gang. Frost definitely blamed himself. He was probably a mess and she felt awful and guilty about it. What about Korsak? Was he thinking about how he let her down again? And Frankie, her baby brother—was he trying to hold too much in so he can be strong for their mom? Was he going to act too tough, get in over his head with this gang while looking for her?

She shifted for the fiftieth time unable to find a position she was comfortable in. She wasn't going to find one. It was her mind that was plaguing her. She wiped at a tear escaping from her eye without her permission, and let the question that had been bouncing around her skull in the background rise up to the surface.

Did they think they were dead? Just assume they were gone? What if, what if, what if… this was no lullaby that Jane could sleep to.

She shifted again and sighed. Maura moved in her arms. Oh shit, now she had woken her up.

"Jane, baby." Maura's voice drifted to her in the darkness, the only good thing she had heard in what felt like forever. Her voice was deeper than usual, rough with sleep and Jane felt a tingle rush down her spine. "What's wrong?"

Maura moved so that they were facing each other. Jane found herself already calmer as she stared into her eyes. Maura reached out her hand and traced Jane's jaw gently.

"Talk to me." Her fingers now moved across her brow as if sensing Jane's worry through her furrowed eyebrows. "You're worried about everyone back at home aren't you."

A statement, not a question. How did she do that? How did Maura seem to _just know _her—by the shine in her eyes, by touching her skin, by hearing the beat of her heart.

"Yeah. Really worried." Jane let the words fall from her mouth like heavy stones that she needed to stop carrying. "What if Frankie does something stupid? What if Ma works herself up into an anxiety attack or something? What if Frost and Korsak are taking this out on themselves, when it's really all me. It's all my fault."

The sobs were coming now, climbing up her ribs into her throat. They were coming whether she wanted them to or not. "It's all a huge mess, and all these people are suffering, and you're, you're—" Jane couldn't find her lungs and she couldn't find the words.

Maura was so much. She was injured, but she was also so beautiful and amazing. Jane touched the side of Maura's face and started to feel grounded, like she could maybe breathe again.

Maura grasped Jane's hand on her cheek, her eyes filled with concern and love and everything in between, intensely staring into Jane's. "Fine. I'm fine, Jane. I'm wonderful actually, here in bed with you."

At this, Jane smiled a bit. "And you, Jane Rizzoli, need to stop blaming yourself." She enunciated each word to make her point. "And we have a great plan. It's going to work and everything's going to be alright in the end."

"Did you just lie, Dr. Isles?" Jane asked, trying to lighten the mood again and scrap all this crying crap.

But Maura answered her seriously. "No, I didn't," she said, only slightly smiling. She cupped Jane's cheek and gently dried a couple tears that had snuck away from Jane.

"It _is _going to be alright. I just know it. Call it a gut feeling."

Jane chuckled a little. "Oh, now you're listening to your gut? I thought you didn't listen to your intestines."

Maura graced Jane with a full smile now. "Yea, well things change," she whispered as she leaned towards Jane. She softly kissed her, and Jane closed her eyes, and she no longer felt pain throbbing in her throat, in her head, in her brain.

She lost herself in Maura—in the way her hands buried deep in her golden waves, in the way their tongues moved together, slowly, in a dance.

She found herself in Maura's arms, curled into Maura's good side, her head on her chest. Jane's thoughts faded away as she listened instead to the consistent thumping of Maura's heartbeat.

She sighed contentedly and whispered, "Some things don't change, though."

Maura kissed the crown of her head.

* * *

Jane lurched awake. A nightmare. Her family was disappearing. Maura was reaching for her, screaming, as she sank into a hole. They were all sinking away from her into blackness.

She sat straight up in the bed trying to catch her breath. It was empty and cold without Maura and she couldn't stand it, so she padded towards the kitchen. She heard the sound of voices rising and falling.

Maura's lecture voice. Her "I mean business, this is what we're going to do" voice.

Jane smiled a little as she turned the corner, then came to a complete stop and stared at the sight before her. Maura was bent over a map of a building, studying different angles. She was talking about strategy and placement, every so often lifting her head and gazing at the men gathered around her, making sure they were all listening. Doyle stood by her, and Jane could see how proud he was, confident in his daughter's abilities.

Jane folded her arms and leaned against the doorframe, content on just watching Maura direct. She had that crease between her eyebrows she got when she was concentrating. Jane had the urge to kiss it, but not because she wanted it to go away—she loved that seriousness in Maura, that great mind always churning, always thinking.

God, she was in love with a brilliant woman. And gorgeous as well. She knew Maura would consider herself unprepared for company at the moment, but Jane thought she looked stunning in the baggy sweatpants and t-shirt. Her honey blonde hair fell in soft wisps as she leaned forward to stare at the map again. Jane loved the freckles on Maura chest that she always tried to cover with make-up. She stared as Maura bent forward and her chest was more exposed. Jane couldn't help it. She thought about kissing each freckle, working her way down Maura's body.

Unconsciously, she moved forward towards Maura, a moon drawn to its planet. She wrapped her arms around Maura's waist from behind (taking care of her sling) in a protective, loving grip that said: _you're mine_ and asked: _would you be mine? _all at the same time.

She felt Maura hop a little surprise, then a content hum as she leaned back into Jane's embrace. Jane grinned and kissed her cheek. Then she whispered in her ear, "Come back to bed with me."

Jane could feel Maura fall a little more into Jane's arms, but then she straightened up, sighing. "Jane, we need to figure this out right now."

"But I need you now," Jane growled in Maura's ear.

"Jane!" Maura seemed half embarrassed, half satisfied. She giggled a little and spun around in Jane's arms. Jane could see her struggling to be serious. "Honey, we need to work on this. Help us."

"Help _me_," Jane sighed under her breath. "Stop being so beautiful. You can't stand there in front of me like that if you want me to work."

Jane didn't know what was up with her. In some distant place she was aware of all of the men surrounding them. But all she could think of was Maura. She filled up all her thoughts, all of her emotions—just all of it. All of her.

Maura raised her eyebrows, half-irritated, but Jane saw the desire in her eyes, and her hold on Jane grew tighter. She stood up on her tip-toes a bit, and leaned forward into Jane to whisper in her ear: "Not now, Jane. Come on, baby."

Maura's warm breath on her ear made Jane shiver. Now there was no chance in hell she was letting this woman go. She found Maura's lips. She didn't know how that happened, it simply did. How could it not.

She had just kissed her last night, mere hours ago, but Jane couldn't seem to get enough and Maura's hand was tightening around her waist, rubbing up and down her spin, making new patterns and designs with her fingers. Jane's arms were already moving of their on accord to pick up Maura and carry her off to the bedroom, when the telephone came ringing from a far off land.

"Maura." Doyle. His voice was clearer now. There was something in it—urgency, concern.

Maura was receding, Jane was already crumbling. They were turning to listen to Doyle. Maura leaned into Jane's front, squeezing her hand in comfort, in preparation for the news that was to come.

"I just got a call. Frankie's gonna do something stupid. He's circling around a gathering of the gang members—all by himself, pissed off—I think we need to act now."

Jane was falling, cracking into bigger and bigger pieces now. "Did you call them and tell them the deal, Doyle? Offer me?"

Maura flinched at her words, pressed back more into Jane as if protecting her—a block between her and Doyle, her and the world.

"Yes, that's been taking care of."

Jane felt a few pieces fall back together, some form of order. "Okay, good, then let's tell them you have me and you want to meet now. You have a place you told them we'd meet?" She points her finger at the map of a building.

Doyle nods. "I'll call them, tell them to meet us there."

Adrenaline was kicking in. She loosened her grip on Maura and walked in front of her, stepping eye to eye with Doyle. "Doyle, we gotta do this now. Before my brother—just…_please_." She wasn't meaning to get weak and plead, but Frankie was one of those people…she just couldn't lose him.

"I know, Jane." His eyes shifted to Maura behind her. "Maura has set us up with a good tactic, I think. We're basically ready." His eyes settled back on Jane's. "Let's do this."

Jane gave a determined nod and already her brain was moving into action mode, focusing on what needed to be prepared. But she made sure to reach her hand out behind her and wait for a smooth palm to meet hers.

Jane pulled Maura into the bedroom. She rummaged through the nightstand looking for Maura's painkillers. She came across something cold and hard. Her gun. How could she manage to bring her gun with her just incase, hide it somewhere…she couldn't. This needed to look real. Well what if…

She turned around to see Maura's face since the first time they'd decided now was the time to act. Her eyes were closed, she was mumbling something about the laws of motion. Her face was filled with strain, like she was struggling with something.

Jane took Maura's arm and cupped her face in her other palm, whispered her name. Maura's eyes flew open at her touch.

"Maura, honey, it's going to be okay."

Jane saw Maura work to make her body rigid, make her face more passive. She stood up straighter.

She dropped her hand from Maura's face. Jane's heart was breaking.

"Okay," Maura said, the words low, like she didn't trust her voice enough to speak them any louder.

"Maura, don't do that," Jane begged.

Maura frowned. "Do what, Jane?"

Jane tried to explain, tried to put it into words that were comforting. "It's okay. You're allowed to feel. You're allowed to be upset. Don't…shut yourself down."

"I have to!" Maura said, her voice breaking a little. Then she swallowed, closed her eyes, and repeated herself, more controlled this time. "I have to. This is the only way I'm going to get through this. You work well when you're emotional, Jane. I don't. I need to be calm, and rational."

She enunciated the last few words with her hand. "Because I need to focus. We need to do this."

Jane let her get all of this out. She nodded. She understood, but she hated when Maura bottled up her feelings. She didn't think it was healthy. She could see the cracks, she could still see the pain under Maura's surface, though Maura knew how to hide it so well from everybody else. She held out her arms to Maura—a question, a "just incase". She couldn't help it.

Maura stood stock still in front of her for a bit staring straight ahead, the picture of composure, and then she finally gave in to looking at Jane's arms opened towards her. The longer she stared, the tears started to form. Jane's fingers clenched of their own accord. She wanted to pull Maura to her. Now. But she waited for Maura to come to her.

Maura flew into her arms and buried her face into Jane's neck, as if still attempting to hide the tears.

"Okay, baby," Jane soothed, rubbing circles on Maura's back. "It's going to be okay."

She held her closer and buried her face in Maura's hair. She took a deep breath in—to calm herself, to remember her favorite smell.

When Maura finally lifted her head, she seemed much more calm—internally as well as externally.

"Okay," Maura said, scooping up the air into her lungs.

Then she scooped up Jane: she kissed her, took her far, far away, to a world where they weren't fighting to save their lives.

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**Reviews mean a lot to me.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: **Okay, here's some more Rizzles for you all. Here's the beginning of the end of this terrible situation our girls have been in. Sorry I'm still publishing at a slow pace, but this scene of confrontation with the gang hasn't been easy to write. A bit of writer's block going on. But I've sorted it out I think. Hope you guys have fun reading it! Thank you for your continued support.

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**Chapter 26**

Maura told Jane she had to take care of some things and run to the bathroom—not a lie. Already her heart ached somewhat from being separated from Jane. She shook her head, trying to shake the logic back into play as she walked into the kitchen to find Doyle standing around a table with some of his men, going through the plans one more time.

He looked up almost right away, as if sensing her presence.

"Maura," he said, and she couldn't help but notice the way his voice was softer when he talked to her, full of something sweet that never filled his words when he was directing them to someone else.

She smiled. "Can I talk to you in private for a second?" She decided not to call him anything.

He nodded, sensing her seriousness and followed her into the corner of the living room. She could feel him studying her shoulder. It was really doing much better. She didn't bother to use the sling most of the time anymore because it wasn't nearly as sore. She waited until he met her gaze with a half-satisfied grunt.

"What's going on?"

Maura pulled at her forefinger, a habit she thought she may have picked up from Jane.

"Well, I don't know if you are aware of this but Jane was kidnapped recently. For real." She tries to keep her tone factual and firm, but she feels herself wavering as the memories flood back.

"I need you to just be…sensitive to the fact. She was really…" She didn't want to reveal more than Jane would want her to. "It hit us both hard. Just please don't bind her feet. Try to keep her untied for as long as possible. If you can, avoid tying her wrists—"

At this Doyle raised his eyebrows. "Maura, the wrist thing may be a bit difficult. That's probably the loosest way to—"

"Doyle, just…do the best you can to be sensitive to the situation." She raised her eyebrow in emphasis.

Doyle nodded his head, seeming a little solemn at what she called him and her strict tone. But he needed to understand. This was important.

She looked into his eyes and saw he understood, saw something that surprised her a bit—compassion.

With this she flashed him a warm smile, and let go a sincere "thank you".

* * *

Maura found comfort in the way Jane held her hand the whole time she was preparing and confirming everything with Doyle. Her thumb sometimes drew soothing circles into Maura's palm and Maura closed her eyes and focused on this motion. This was so much of a better distraction, of a calming strategy, than repeating scientific facts in her head.

Maura found love in the way Jane looked at her when she wasn't busy, her eyes soft and only for Maura.

She found sadness flooding her veins in the way Jane stole glances at her when she thought Maura wasn't looking, in the way she appeared to be trying to memorize her face.

Maura found pride in the way Jane argued with Doyle about her coming along. She had hinted at it earlier, but she guessed he hadn't wanted to really acknowledge it. Jane confronted him like she always did—head first and set resignation.

"I hate it just as much as you do, Doyle. Probably more. But I promised her. It's the only way you're going to be able to have me for this kidnapping thing. We made a deal. Maura's coming." Jane squeezed her hand for emphasis. She looked back at Maura for assurance, but Maura knew she didn't need to say anything. It was written all over her face and in the way she pressed Jane's palm in confirmation. Doyle studied Maura, and Maura knew she looked composed, strong. She was still with Jane. Therefore, she felt this way. Doyle nodded weakly and walked out as if he needed to gather himself.

Maura found fear curling in the pit of her stomach when she knew the time of separation was getting nearer. Doyle had already called the gang. The meeting was set up and they were to have Jane there in an hour. Just an hour.

Maura found the fear getting worse, trying to creep its way up past her throat, but Jane's hand in hers kept it all from rising to the surface. Jane's protection—the way she appointed the men that would keep an eye on Maura because she couldn't do it herself—kept the breathing coming. The way Jane kissed her when she was told she had to go—Maura was mostly whole. She was calm. She had it together.

When Jane has disappeared into the van, the fear started to take over, to shake her. She repeated scientific facts that didn't do much to slow down this tidal wave of emotions threatening to knock her down. But then she remembered the feeling of Jane's hand in hers, her lips on her own—not final. Just goodbye for now. Just I love you.

Maura Isles sat in the back of the van, surrounded by men with guns, with her legs crossed, eyes closed, heart feeling safe, mind feeling ready. Ready to fight for love.

* * *

They had rushed them off into separate vans, but Jane was still able to give Maura one final kiss. She didn't let herself think of it as final—that this was the last kiss, the last touch. She held Maura's hand until forces made her move.

But she couldn't ever let go. Her skin still tingled from Maura's touch as she sat in the back of the van and men tied her up. Maura was what she saw—her hazel eyes, not Doyle's serious, dark ones. Maura's parting words were all she heard as they started to drive. _I can't live without you, Jane Rizzoli. Come back to me, love._

A distant voice was calling her name. It couldn't be Maura and she only wanted to listen to Maura's voice right now. But then it got more urgent.

"Jane."

"_Rizzoli!" _

Jane jumped and turned to see a burly man holding out a cellphone to her. "I got Frost on the line with the instructions not to track this number or tell anyone. Try to keep him calm."

Jane nodded and reached a shaky hand out towards the phone. She was nervous because she felt guilty for what she had put Frost through. She didn't want to hear his ecstatic voice, so glad to hear she was alive. She didn't deserve that.

"Frost, it's me, bud," she said gently, "But please don't tell anyone alright? And don't say my name. Please." she made sure to follow quickly after.

"What? Oh my god, J—oh god, are you alright?" His voice was high and excited.

"Yes, I am, I promise. But Frost, you gotta act like you're talking to someone giving you a tip, alright?"

"Okay, alright, I'm sorry," he said, then catching himself, "I apologize ma'am, can you say that again please?"

"Okay, listen carefully, partner. Now, I need you to do this, and believe that this is something that I want, alright? This is the truth. This is how you're going to help me out of this situation, you have to trust me."

"Okay, ma'am, got it.

Jane could tell he believed her. He trusted her so much that it broke her heart a little. But she needed to be the tough persona right now, calling all the shots. She shook her head. She gave him the address of the abandoned house they had picked to meet the gang at.

"You can't tell anyone I called, but maybe Korsak, alright? So, I know a way to get this gang, listen closely. You say you got an anonymous tip that the gang is going to be at the address I just told you. You take an entire team there, completely prepared, SWAT, everything, alright? The gang is going to be there and they're going to be ready for a fight."

"Wow, really, what—" She could tell Frost was confused and astonished, but trying to reign himself in.

She took a deep breath before she explained the next part. "They're coming thinking that they are going to get their hands on me. I'm going to be tied up."

Then she gave him the layout of the building, where they should probably enter from and the approximate time. She would scream "But you can't!" if she needed him to break in sooner and hopefully that would work.

"I trust you, Frost. It's all going to be fine, alright?"

"I won't let you down. Ma'am."

She could picture him, all serious, those sincere eyes. She sighed.

"I know, bud. See you soon, alright?"

Then she hung up the phone, ignoring the glares she was getting. It was the first time the gang had seen her being soft—Maura didn't count, they all knew the deal there.

As the seconds dragged on, and she could still feel their glares, Jane whipped her head up. " What the fuck are you staring at, huh? We ready for this, guys?"

Doyle nodded at her. "We're ready."

* * *

Two men dragged Jane out of the van, one on either side of her, their grip light on her arms at first, but then as they entered the backdoor of the house, they tightened their fingers. Her heart sped up, and for the first time she started wondering how good of an idea this was. This was bringing back bad memories, this was…not an ideal situation. Okay, she just needed to keep her cool. Everything was going to be fine. She had been in more dangerous situations than this before, but this would definitely challenge her ability to remain calm. She had to pretend to be kidnapped, guns surely would be all around her and not a single one in her possession, and Maura was now part of the mix. She knew there would be a part of her brain constantly worrying about Maura.

Jane tried to distract herself and looked around the place, taking in the musty smell of a house that had been long empty of people and overrun by mold instead. Doyle's men dragged a wooden chair to the center of the floor and dropped her into it.

The two men then stood in front of Jane, weapons at the ready. She knew that this was for her protection, but to the gang members it would look like guards keeping extra careful watch on her.

Doyle came up behind her and lightly put a hand on her shoulder. His voice was strangely soft, almost kind.

"It's going to be fine, Jane. Look scared, but try not to be scared, keep your head in the game. And follow my lead."

Jane sat as straight up in the chair as possible and made sure her voice was steady, strong when she answered, "I know. I'm fine, Doyle."

She raised her eyebrow in a challenge. She couldn't help herself. But Doyle simply gave her a small smile.

"And Maura will be alright, Jane." He squeezed her shoulder and then was gone. Jane couldn't help but feel more at ease knowing he stood only a few feet behind her.

The doors suddenly flew open in front of them. A shingle on a window next to the door came slamming down at the force. Jane counted twelve men. More than she thought there would be.

One man in particular caught her eye. He strolled across the room towards them like he owned the place, like this was his castle, not some crumbling house in the middle of the woods.

"Hello, boys," he said, and Jane found herself unable to keep her eyes off his mouth. His teeth were crooked and that smile, if you could really call it that, made her instantly feel more chilled. She felt dirty, and the great desire to take a shower. She didn't want Maura to be in a ten mile radius of this guy.

When his eyes settled on Jane, she could see they were black, black, black, almost like he only had irises. She wondered what kind of drugs he was on. This would only make things harder, make his behavior more unpredictable.

She cringed as she felt him on all sides of her, her heart might beat through her chest if he didn't get out of her face. With her wrists tied, unable to move, a disgusting man sneering at her, examining her, it was all too much like Dominic and she needed to get out of there. It was happening again and she needed to break free. Maura was there and…

Maura was there. She couldn't do anything stupid to put Maura's life on the line. She needed to calm down. Jane took a deep shaky breath in and then stared right through him. She would get through this—for Maura.

* * *

**So, what do you think about how this is going so far?**

** What do you think is going to happen?! **


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Hey guys. I figured it's been so long, that I'll give you a pretty long section. Sorry to leave you with such a cliffhanger last time. Hope this leaves you a little more satisfied. :) **

* * *

**Chapter 27**

Before Maura even could comprehend what was going on, everything was set in place, everything was happening before her eyes. Men from her nightmares were standing in a huddle around Jane and she couldn't shake the dread spreading more and more in the pit of her stomach.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Logic, focus on logic. Her team was ahead of this gang, with a plan they didn't know anything about. Facts and numbers. Doyle had been running the streets, killing people, longer than any of the gang members had been alive. Normally she wouldn't take comfort in this fact, but right now it was soothing.

She knelt beside a few men, hidden in the upper tiers of the house, looking through the wooden balcony at the scene below. She kept finding her eyes circling back to Jane. Even tousled like that, she looked beautiful. And all Maura wanted to do was hold her, rip the binds off the zipties that cut into her wrists.

One man who appeared to be the leader from his stance, and the way members of the gang kept looking at him as if for an order, moved closer to Jane, circled her as if examining her.

"So, this is the bitch that's been causing us so much trouble, huh?"

He bent down in Jane's face, so close that Maura physically cringed and it was all it took for her not to shout.

"You'd think you'd run from us forever? Hmm?"

Jane just sat there, staring him in the eyes. She wasn't shaking vibrantly or giving off the tell-tale signs of fear, but Maura knew Jane well enough to tell she was uncomfortable, even scared. She had a habit of playing with her fingers, her hands, when she was more than anxious. She also caught her taking a deep breath to steady herself, which Maura knew Jane did when she wanted to ground herself, let the anxiety out.

The leader suddenly jerked upright, looked at Doyle. "I want to play with her first. She's hot. I don't want this body to go to waste," he said, licking his lips, and now looking back down at Jane. Jane pushed back away from him, against the chair, as Maura found her whole body flying forward. No, this wasn't happening again.

"You're not going to fucking touch her," Maura whispered menacingly as she ran quickly, quietly, without thinking, for the passageway down the stairs.

But not fast enough. One of Doyle's men grabbed her by the waist. He must have been surprised at her fight, especially with her injured shoulder, because for a second she thought she could slip out of his hold, but then his grip on her was doubled.

"Let go of me," she said, not even recognizing her voice, it dripped with such venom.

"No, Maura, stop. She's going to be okay! Stop."

"Nothing's going to happen to her, Doyle will make sure of it."

"You want to get her killed?" A third man piped in, when she still struggled. "You're making too much fucking noise. You're going to give us away."

At this, Maura slumped in the man's arms.

Doyle stepped forward. "Listen, I'm just about the killing. I don't want to watch that shit, and I don't have time for it. I said you could share in the killing, now let's do this."

The leader looked surprised at first, but it quickly turned to anger. "Share? No way, old man, you said we got to kill her. End of story. You hand her over, we give you the cash."

Maura sighed in relief. Doyle had attempted to distract him and it had worked.

"Let me see the cash then," Doyle said, voice low and commanding.

The leader motioned to a man who handed him a large black duffle bag that he then chucked to Doyle.

"Count it if you want. Then get the fuck out. She's ours."

Then he was approaching Jane again. He reminded Maura of a predator stalking his prey, taking his time to admire it, to get just the right angle. He reached his hand out and trailed one finger across Jane's cheekbone. Maura shook and she noticed Jane's hands quivering and she just couldn't stand it. She bit her lip so hard to keep from yelling that it bled.

His hand wrapped around Jane's neck, gently, and he started to drop lower down her chest. He then suddenly grabbed her throat again, but this time the grip was tighter, and Maura couldn't comprehend anything anymore.

Her feet were running, but going nowhere.

Jane's shouting was filling up the room. "But you can't!" The words reverberated everywhere.

Doyle and his men were flying in the other direction. They were leaving, they were leaving Jane, no.

The man holding her back threw Maura to the ground and ran. She heard a loud bang.

"Boston Police! Put your hands up! Put 'em up NOW!"

Gunshots.

Maura's heart was pounding loudly in her ears and her shoulder throbbed. She was crawling along the floor towards the balcony so she could see Jane, get to her.

She got a glimpse of the view down below just as Jane jerked her arms back, snapping her zipties. A SWAT team was standing there firing their weapons at the gang members who clearly refused to surrender. It was a line of fire back and forth and Jane was just behind it, bullets flying all around her. Maura couldn't breathe, couldn't move. She just watched in horror as Jane broke free and instead of running in the direction her Doyle's gang had ran, out the back door, she headed straight for the chaos. Maura couldn't wrap her head around this at all, until she realized that the man Jane was running towards was aiming his gun in the direction of Frost, and everyone else was unaware, busy shooting down other gang members. The man was getting ready to fire, and Jane jumped him from behind. Maura squealed in pain as Jane and the man collided with the floor together and he rolled on top of her.

"Jane!" she was screaming and running, and Doyle's men were too busy packing their equipment to escape unseen from the police. She wasn't grabbed or stopped this time.

She was headed for Jane full speed as Jane scrambled up from beneath the large man. She was approximately five feet from Jane as the brunette pinned the man down with her knee. The man was yelling obscenities.

"Shut it, asshole," she threatened, but Maura could tell just from those three words that Jane was in a lot of pain.

Maura didn't hear any more gunshots, just the standard, "You're under arrest" and "I need a medic over here!" from around the room. But it wouldn't matter if she had-nothing could stop her from reaching Jane.

Jane saw her just as she was almost close enough to touch, her face registering shock, happiness, than worry.

"Maura, no! What are you doing, you're supposed to be up in the loft!"

Maura looked around at all of the gang members pinned to the ground or being hauled off in cuffs.

"Everything's under control, Jane."

"No, Maur, everything's not secure, and—" Jane took a deep breath in to raise her voice more and her breathing hitched as she bent over at the waist, clearly in pain. "Can I get some cuffs over here, please?" She called back behind her.

"Jane, please let me look at you. You're hurt."

Maura couldn't help but plead now. She just wanted to touch Jane, see for herself that she wasn't broken immeasurably. Logic was just not going to help her right now.

A cop Maura couldn't place (but then again everything was a blur) approached Jane right at that moment, clapping her on the back. "You alright, Rizzoli?"

"Yeah, just lock this bastard up for me, will ya?" Jane said as she stood, wincing in pain, but trying to be discreet about it. Maura was at her side in seconds. Jane's skin felt warm to the touch, Maura's body was thawing from the ice cold that had plagued her since she was separated from Jane.

She slung Jane's arm around her good shoulder and started walking her to a corner where she could sit down and examine her, maybe get a medic. Jane protested at first.

"Maura, no, what are you doing?" she said, as she squirmed out of Maura's hold. "You're hurt, I'm not leaning on you!"

"Well, you're injured more at the moment," Maura protested, pulling the arm back around her shoulder. "Honey, let me just see it."

She lowered Jane to the ground slowly, sitting her against a wall. "Your ribs?" she guessed, pulling Jane's shirt up.

"Maur, not here," Jane said, "Come on, all the guys are here and—"

"And I'm taking a look at you. Or get another doctor over here. This is nonnegotiable, Jane Rizzoli."

Maura noticed Jane didn't even roll her eyes after this. She must have seen how serious Maura was by the look on her face. Maura continued to lift up Jane's shirt, pressed her good hand gently against Jane's ribs.

Jane winced, pushing at Maura's hand. "Ow, ow, Maura."

Maura shook her head. "I can't tell if they're just bruised or broken, but with your high pain tolerance, it's possible they're broken."

Jane groaned. "Just great."

Maura looked at the ground, feeling the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. There was no way she was crying right now, she couldn't let herself. There was way too much going on for her to have an emotional breakdown, but she was just so _relieved _that Jane was now safe, and combined this with Jane's battered body and her greatly honed skill at holding emotions in was failing her.

She should've known Jane would notice no matter how much she tried to hide the tears. She always did.

"Maura?" That gentle voice made more tears come. They were going to overflow for sure now.

One slender finger lifted her chin up and she was looking into the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen. Worried, sad eyes.

"Aw, come on, Maura, don't cry. Sweetie, I'm alright."

Maura half-heartedly smiled. "But you—" she couldn't continue. Sighed. She was looking down again.

Then there were lips pressing against her forehead. And she had never felt so suddenly fine before. Jane kissed her with so much love, without shame, in front of all of the people she worked with. And Maura thought that she hadn't loved Jane before as much as she did in this moment.

* * *

Jane hated seeing Maura cry. She hated the mess that she saw around her. Dead bodies and people being wheeled into ambulances. As far as she could tell, none of their men had died, and none were critically injured and she was so thankful. But she hated the burning in her ribs and how Frost kept thanking her for saving his life, looking at her like she was worthy, when she hadn't done anything good. She had been the one to start this chaos in the first place. If it hadn't been for her…

"Janie!"

She whipped her head around in time to see her brother come flying at her. She loved hearing his voice again, and the way his arms wrapped around her, even though her ribs screamed in protest. She loved the way that Maura tried to gently tell Frankie to be more careful, explaining Jane's injury—always looking out for Jane. She loved how Frankie wrapped Maura up in a big hug too, grinning at the sight of them mostly unharmed. She loved the way Frost had kneeled down where they sat on the ground, wrapping his jacket and than an arm around her shoulders. And the way he reached out and held Maura's hand as they waited for an EMT to come over.

"You scared the shit out of us, Rizzoli."

"I'm fine, Frost," she said, trying to give him a reassuring smile.

"And _you_, Doc. You've been quite the troublemaker."

Maura looked surprised, and then like she suddenly comprehended. "Detective Frost, I deeply apologize—" she fumbled, looking at Jane, as if that was enough of an explanation.

But then Frost squeezed her hand, chuckling a little. "It's fine, Maura, I was just messing with you. Everything ended up fine."

Maura sighed in relief, smiling a little in thanks, and at the name he had called her. But then she turned to face Jane, and Jane could feel her eyes running up and down Jane's body, appraising her injuries, still worrying about her. Maura whipped around, looking at the bloody scene.

"Jane, this is getting ridiculous, I'm finding someone to take a look at you."

Jane caught Maura's hand as she went to stand up, hiding the pain that shot through her ribs at the movement.

"No, Maura, come on, there are a lot of people more injured than me. Let them do their job. Besides," she said, as Maura turned towards her again, "I already have my favorite doctor right here."

Maura smiled a little at this, squeezing Jane's hand.

Frankie chuckled. Jane turned towards him, suddenly feeling more than her ribs burning in her chest area. Anger. The words were falling out before she could stop them. She whirled on him.

"What the hell were you thinking, Frankie? You could've gotten yourself killed."

She half-heard everyone's surprised gasps, but focused on Frankie's face. He looked shocked, than hurt, than defensive.

"Jane, you had been gone for days. Days! And Ma was—" he shook his head. "And we couldn't get jack-shit on these guys. I had to do something, I needed to get them, to find something—"

"Then use your head, Frankie! Jesus, you don't just act blindly—"

"Wait a second. How did you know about this?

Jane sputtered, catching Maura's panicked glance. Oh shit, none of them could know about Doyle. His guys had been the one who had spied Frankie circling the gang.

"How long have I been telling you that I've got eyes in the back of my head, hmm?"

Jane ruffled the hair on his head. She could feel the tension dissipating a little.

"Since I was five."

She caught Frankie smiling a little at the gesture that was affectionate for them, but then he quickly acted annoyed for show, pushing her hand away.

"Cut it out, Jane! Really, though, how did you know?"

Jesus, Frankie definitely was going to be a good detective one day. She couldn't distract him that well.

"Told you, eyes in the back of my head. Talked to a few of your buddies already," she said, nodding vaguely in the direction of officers standing around the room.

Frankie thought about that for a little and muttered under his breath, clearly annoyed.

"Listen, Frankie," Jane said. "It was stupid, like _really _dumb, and don't ever do it again….but thanks, buddy."

She reached out as far as she could to pat him on the back, and Frankie grinned, so happy to get praise from his older sister. She could swear his eyes were a little watery, hell hers were, but she blinked and his looked normal again.

She turned to Maura who sat cross-legged on the floor, still holding Frost's and her hand. She couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Maura asked, surprised and then concerned as Jane let out a whimper.

Damn these ribs. It hurt so badly to laugh.

"I just never thought I'd see the day when you'd sit on such a dirty floor, in sweat pants, cross-legged."

Maura looked down at herself as if she hadn't noticed, then back up at Jane. "Oh. Well, it's kind of strange circumstances all around. Things are a little different today than usual, don't you think?"

Jane smiled, tugging her closer so that their knees were touching.

"Yes, I think so."

Then she leaned in and kissed those sweet lips of Maura's, not a care in the world.

"Turns out that sometimes I like things that are different though, things that change."

* * *

**Please let me know your thoughts, your requests as we move forward, etc! Thank you for continuing to read this little story of mine.**


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